Living Shoulders Up: Why We Lose Touch With Our Bodies (and How to Gently Return to Them)
Feel like you’re living in your head 24/7? Explore how we disconnect from our bodies — and how reconnecting through small, kind practices can support emotional wellbeing.
Ever feel like your head is doing all the work of being human? Like your brain is in charge of every decision, every worry, every next step—and your body is just there, trailing behind like an overworked assistant carrying too many bags?
Many of us are now living "shoulders up" — in our heads, from dawn till dusk. We analyse, plan, overthink, and rarely drop down into the quiet, often-overlooked wisdom of our physical selves.
But something impactful happens when we do.
Why We Leave Our Bodies in the First Place
It’s not your fault if embodiment doesn’t come naturally. Many of us learned early on to prize thinking over feeling. We were rewarded for being smart, productive, efficient — not necessarily for being present, grounded or intuitive.
Modern life doesn’t help. Screens dominate our days. Sitting is the default. Emotions are often something to manage, not feel. And somewhere along the way, we began to believe that our bodies were either a project to fix — or something to ignore.
The Costs of Living From the Neck Up
Living disconnected from our bodies might feel normal, but it comes with hidden costs.
We miss early signals of stress or burnout until they become full-blown exhaustion. We override our hunger or sleep cues. We lose access to the small joys of being alive — the stretch of a shoulder, the warmth of a cup in our hands, the grounding feel of feet on earth.
More subtly, when we live only in our heads, we lose touch with something essential: ourselves.
What It Means to Return to the Body
Coming back into the body doesn’t have to mean hour-long yoga classes or a new fitness routine (though it might include those if you love them).
It can start with something much smaller:
A few deep breaths with your hand on your belly
A walk where your goal is to feel your feet, not track your steps
Stretching like a cat before you get out of bed
Noticing what foods make you feel clear vs. cloudy
Asking yourself, “What does my body need right now?” — and pausing long enough to listen
The key is to feel without needing to fix. To notice without judgment. To be curious about what your body is telling you, without rushing to control it.
Why This Matters for Your Mental Health
The mind-body connection isn’t just poetic — it’s profoundly biological. Research now shows:
Movement improves mood by stimulating neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine
Gut health impacts emotional resilience through the gut-brain axis
Breathwork regulates the nervous system, reducing symptoms of anxiety and overwhelm
When we tend to our bodies, we tend to our minds. It’s a two-way street, and walking it with care opens up emotional clarity, steadiness, and even joy.
You Don’t Need to Be Good at This
One of the biggest myths in wellness is that embodiment has to look a certain way.
You don’t need to meditate every morning. You don’t need to go to Bali. You definitely don’t need to like kale.
You just need to start noticing. And from there, you can start choosing. Choosing what helps. What softens. What steadies. What lets you come back to yourself.
An Invitation to Begin
This week, try one small thing:
Lie down and put your hand on your chest. Feel your breath.
Wiggle your toes when you’re on a Zoom call.
Step outside, close your eyes, and feel the air on your skin.
Tiny practices. Huge shifts.
You don’t need to overhaul your life. You just need to arrive in it — one breath, one step, one body-listening moment at a time.
What’s one way you’ve gently returned to your body lately?
Let us know or forward this to a friend who needs the reminder that coming back to yourself doesn’t have to be hard. Just human.
Need more ways to well? Subscribe to our newsletter for a weekly dose of inspiration.
Nominate a Place That Helps You Feel Better
Share a place that helps you feel better and nominate it for the If Lost Start Here wellbeing guidebook. Each month, we choose entries and offer giveaways like coaching, courses and wellness tools. Discover why place matters for mental health.
Because we all have spaces that hold us—and it’s time they were seen.
We all have them.
The café where something in you slows down.
The gallery that inspires awe.
The coworking space, the quiet bookshop, the yoga studio that helped you come back to yourself.
These are the feel-good places—the spaces that support us in real, everyday ways. And we want to share them.
Each month, we invite you to nominate a place that helps you feel better, and we'll select new entries to be added to our growing If Lost Start Here guidebook. Every nomination will also be entered into a monthly giveaway—for a wellbeing course, coaching session, or a planner bundle designed to help you navigate everyday life with a little more clarity and care.
What Is the If Lost Guidebook?
If Lost Start Here is a wellbeing guidebook for real life. It’s a curated collection of spaces, experiences and offerings that genuinely support emotional and mental wellbeing.
We don’t chase trends but rather look for places that offer:
Calm when life feels chaotic
Creativity when you feel stuck
Comfort when you’re overwhelmed
Connection when you’re alone
Movement when you're going nowhere.
Joy when joy feels far away
What Counts as a Feel-Good Place?
We’re open-hearted but clear in our values. Here’s what we’re looking for:
Real-life spaces that support wellbeing — not just in theory, but in experience
Community-focused or intentionally crafted experiences
Independently owned (or run with care and soul)
Rooted in accessibility, inclusion and kindness.
From nature reserves to neighbourhood cafés, creative studios to cold water swims—if it helped you feel better, it belongs here.
Why We Believe This Matters
So many of us are looking for small ways to feel more grounded, more seen, more at home in ourselves. And sometimes, a single space—a room, a walk, a gathering—can shift something in us.
The right place doesn’t solve everything. But it can soften the edges, reignite our curiosity, or give us the pause we didn’t know we needed.
By sharing these places, we’re helping others discover where they might feel held too.
How to Nominate a Place
1. Think of a place that’s helped you feel better—recently or across your life
2. Complete this form and tell us a little about it:
3. Each month, we’ll feature selected places in our guide
4. Every entry is also added to our giveaway draw for a free wellbeing course, coaching session or planner bundle
No need to write something perfect—just tell us why it matters to you. We’ll take care of the rest.
Browse the Categories
Need some inspiration? You can explore the categories we feature here:
Park Run
parkrun is a free, weekly 5k running and walking event held in parks across the world. Welcoming all ages and abilities, it’s a simple way to boost wellbeing, build community, and create healthy habits.
Perfect For
Anyone looking to reclaim movement as a joyful, social, accessible part of life. If you're trying to build consistency, shake off the emotional cobwebs or just do something kind for your body, start here.
Why You’ll Love It
If you’re looking for gentle accountability, fresh air, and a reason to lace up your trainers on a Saturday, parkrun is one of the most welcoming places to start.
These free, weekly, timed 5k runs are held in parks all over the world—open to all ages, all paces, and all intentions. Whether you're running, jogging, walking, or volunteering, parkrun is a simple and powerful reminder that movement feels better when it’s shared.
What Makes It Special
Free and inclusive – No fees, no finish time pressure—just movement for the joy of it.
Community without cliques – You’ll find everyone from elite runners to stroller-pushing parents and total beginners, all in it together.
A weekly ritual – Show up, move your body, feel a sense of rhythm and reset.
The Story Behind It
parkrun started in 2004 with just 13 runners in a London park, created by Paul Sinton-Hewitt during a difficult period of his life. What began as a personal project quickly grew into a global movement.
The idea was simple but radical: free, community-led events that encouraged people to be active, connected, and outside, no matter their ability or background. Today, parkrun happens in over 2,000 locations across the world—powered entirely by volunteers, held together by community spirit.
Something Else We Love
That feeling of togetherness at the starting line—whether it’s your first or your hundredth parkrun. Plus, the coffee afterwards is basically a sacred part of the event.
parkrun has now gone international — with the idea taking off from Denmark to Japan.
The If Lost Take
We love parkrun because it strips movement back to what really matters: being outside, doing something positive for your body, and feeling like you belong. It’s a gentle nudge toward momentum—whatever that looks like for you.
What it means to be the centre of your own life again
Exploring identity, emotional invisibility and the quiet process of returning to yourself in midlife — not through reinvention, but reconnection.
There’s a quiet ache that often settles into the middle years.
You’re not lost in a crisis. You haven’t collapsed or broken down.
You’re functioning. Showing up. Managing things. Keeping everything afloat.
But somewhere inside it all, you’ve started to feel a little… peripheral.
Not just to others. But to yourself.
You wake up and step straight into roles — parent, partner, colleague, caretaker, decision-maker. You’re helpful. You’re dependable. You’re steady.
But you’re also tired. Not just physically — existentially tired.
Tired of being the background architecture for everyone else’s lives while quietly wondering where yours went.
And maybe you’ve begun to feel it — that subtle pull to come back to yourself.
To remember what you need, what you love, what you want (even if you’re not quite sure yet what those things are anymore).
Not in a dramatic, take-back-your-life kind of way.
But in a quieter, deeper way. A way that says:
> I get to take up space in my own life again.
Not just as a caretaker or facilitator or fixer — but as a human. A whole person. A centre.
Because for too long, many of us have lived around the edges of our own lives.
Making things work for everyone else. Being what was needed.
Fitting ourselves in between the gaps.
And that’s not wrong. But it’s not the whole story, either.
At some point, something inside you will ask — gently but firmly — to be seen again.
Not just by others. But by you.
You’ll want to feel more than functional.
You’ll want to feel tangible.
You’ll want to feel present.
You’ll want to stop passing yourself in the mirror like a stranger.
And that longing — that call back to centre — isn’t selfish. It’s sacred.
It’s a sign that something in you is still alive and still hopeful.
That there’s still a part of you that remembers who you are — or who you could be — if you gave yourself permission to come home again.
So what does it mean to become the centre of your own life again?
It means asking yourself what you want, not just what others need.
It means showing up for yourself in small, everyday acts — not just in emergencies.
It means tending to your inner world, even if it’s messy or unfamiliar.
It means letting your feelings matter.
It means letting your voice be heard — not because it’s louder, but because it’s yours.
It means saying: I matter here. I belong to myself, too.*
Try this:
This week, ask yourself this one simple question each day:
> What’s one small thing I can do today that brings me back into focus?
That helps me feel real, visible, human — not just helpful?
Let the answers be small. Gentle. Imperfect. But yours.
Midlife Coaching Sessions
Midlife can be a challenging time for women as we navigate through a multitude of changes.
As things – sometimes it feels like all the things – shift in this midpoint, so too does how we see ourselves, how we think about our lives, and how we consider what’s next.
If you’re in midlife, these sessions will help you have a better relationship with this time.
You’ll discover how to navigate midlife and beyond in ways that feel more intentional and positive.
If you’re feeling like you are no longer in your own story, subscribe to our newsletter about all things midlife. Discover how to show up in your life again.
What If This Summer Wasn’t Just About Everyone Else?
You’re holding everything together this summer — but what about you? Here’s how to reclaim space for yourself without guilt or overwhelm.
You’re making summer work for everyone else. But what if you made space for yourself, too?
It’s that time of year again.
You’ve likely got the family calendar up, the holiday bookings in motion, the WhatsApp groups alive with BBQs and beach plans — and a low-level hum of pressure vibrating through your body.
You're trying to make it all work: childcare, work, travel, expectations.
You want this summer to feel joyful, easy, like something from a slow-living Instagram post. But if you're being honest? You're already tired. And it hasn’t even started yet.
There’s that familiar moment of wondering:
Where do I fit into this season I’m planning for everyone else?
When do I get to rest, reset, feel taken care of — not just needed?
Is it wrong to want summer to give something back to me, too?
When summer feels heavy (and not just because of the heat)
We don’t talk enough about how intense summer can be — especially for women who are the organisers, the emotional holders, the ones creating the so-called magic.
Behind the joy and brightness, there’s often:
The mental load of planning and juggling
The invisible work of keeping others happy
The loss of rhythm and routine that leaves you untethered
The pressure to make it memorable — without falling apart
Even the things we’re supposed to enjoy can become another to-do: the family holiday that’s more logistics than rest, the BBQs that drain more than connect, the daily question of how do I keep everyone occupied and happy today?
No wonder you’re staying up later and later, just for a slice of quiet.
No wonder the mornings feel harder.
No wonder you’re beginning to feel like summer is happening around you — not with you in it.
Why naming it matters
Here’s the thing we’ve found: feeling flat, resentful or emotionally absent during summer doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you honest.
Because beneath all the busyness, what you might really be craving is:
A moment that’s just yours
A sense of clarity about how you feel and what you need
A space that doesn’t require you to be “on”
The relief of being seen, supported, and reminded you matter too
This isn’t about doing less for others. It’s about doing something for yourself.
Because you’re a person in this season too — not just the person keeping it all going.
Three small ways to shift the shape of your summer
You don’t need to overhaul everything. You don’t need a solo yoga retreat (unless you want one!). You just need one small shift in your direction.
Here are three starting points:
1. Give yourself a headline
If your summer had a title, what would it be? Not the one about planning and packing — but the one for you. Maybe it’s “the summer I slowed down,” or “the summer I felt more present.” Naming it changes how you show up for it.
2. Create a “me list”
Not a bucket list, not another set of expectations — just a list of 5 things that make you feel more you. Tea alone in the garden. Finishing that book. A swim without company. Circle one and plan it in this week.
3. Plan one thing you don’t have to plan
Let someone else hold the structure for a change. Choose a podcast series, a gentle course, or even just a stack of journaling prompts that arrive without you doing the thinking. Let it feel easy. Let it be enough.
And this is where we can help
We created the Summer Wellcation for women like you — the ones holding it all, hoping for more, and not knowing where to find a moment that feels like theirs again.
It’s a 4-week do-anywhere experience that starts August 4.
Here’s what you’ll receive:
Daily “postcard” lessons — quick, beautiful reflections that help you ground, pause and feel
Self-coaching prompts, journaling, creative invitations and micro-adventures
4 weekly facilitated meet-ups with a small, like-minded group (gentle, supportive)
Delivered via course platform or app so you can engage wherever summer takes you
Whether you read your prompts in the park, journal in the car while waiting for summer camp to end, or just read quietly with your tea — this is your moment in the day.
Let this be the summer you don’t forget yourself.
You're already making sure everyone else has what they need.
Let this be the part of summer that gives something back to you.
We start August 4, but you can sign up now — and know you’ve got something in place just for you when you need it most.
Explore the Summer Wellcation and reserve your spot.
Early Bird Pricing: $89 until 1 July (then $129)
Because you deserve more than survival this summer.
“I Feel Disconnected from Myself”: What That Means and How to Gently Reconnect
Feeling disconnected from yourself? Learn why it happens, what it feels like, and how to gently start reconnecting.
What does it mean to feel disconnected from yourself?
If you’ve ever caught yourself saying, “I don’t even know who I am anymore”, you’re not alone.
Maybe you’re functioning, showing up to work, replying to texts, putting dinner on the table. But something feels off. It’s like your life is happening around you, not with you in it. You feel like a background character in your own story.
You might be:
Forgetting what used to bring you joy
Snapping at the people you love and not knowing why
Looking in the mirror and barely recognising the person staring back
Feeling emotionally flat one minute, anxious or overwhelmed the next
Wondering if this is burnout… or just how life is now
These feelings are hard to articulate and even harder to admit. But they might be signs that you’ve lost connection with yourself. And that can be more common than we think.
Why it happens
Disconnection often creeps in quietly. You get busy. You keep going. You take care of the people around you. You do what needs to be done. And somewhere along the way, you stop asking:
What do I want?
What matters to me now?
How do I feel, really?
Life piles up. Responsibilities grow. Your attention goes everywhere but inward. Over time, you become more like a to-do list than a person. You might still smile and perform, but inside, something is missing. You’re exhausted — not just physically, but emotionally. And the idea of pausing to tune into yourself? That feels overwhelming too.
You are not broken but maybe you are worn thin
Feeling disconnected doesn’t mean you’re doing life wrong. It doesn’t mean you need to start over, or reinvent yourself, or fix everything overnight. It might mean though that you’ve been surviving, not thriving.
And it’s entirely possible, with kindness and support, to shift from that place of disconnection into one that feels more engaging, more anchored, and more you.
Small ways to begin reconnecting with yourself
Here are some practical ways to start rebuilding that connection:
1. Name what you’re feeling
It might be sadness, confusion, frustration — or all of it. Putting words to emotions can reduce their hold over you. Try journaling a few lines without pressure. Start with: “Right now, I feel…”
2. Take one small “self” moment a day
Not bubble baths or detox teas (unless those truly help you). Think: a quiet coffee, standing in the sun, turning your phone off for ten minutes. Reclaim tiny moments of stillness that are yours.
3. Reconnect with your senses
When you feel numb or distant, grounding through the senses helps. Step outside and notice five things you can hear. Light a candle you love. Put on music from a time when you felt more like yourself.
4. Talk to someone who can help
Sometimes we need another person to hold up a mirror A coach can help you explore where you are, what matters to you now, and what’s possible from here.
What would it feel like to feel more like yourself again?
I work with women in midlife who are navigating burnout, low self-esteem, anxiety, and a deep disconnection from themselves. Through warm, non-judgemental coaching, we create a way back to your confidence, energy and emotional wellbeing, one step at a time.
Book a free 20-minute discovery call to see how we might work together or learn more about our Lost Sessions here.
Even if you’re not sure what you need, reaching out could be your first moment of reconnection.
Micro Adventures: The Antidote to Everyday Inertia
A gentle rebellion against routine and the reason I danced on a Friday morning
What needs fixing?
Maybe nothing is wrong, exactly. But still, everything feels... flat.
I glance at my calendar and see the work I care about, the family I love, the home that holds me.
And yet, life has shrunk.
To Zoom calls, WhatsApp groups, to-do lists, "have you bought milk?" texts, and "where’s my homework?"
Somewhere along the way, the edges disappeared. The colour faded.
How do I feel about this?
I felt grateful — but restless. Safe — but stuck.
So I tried something. A small act of rebellion: I booked a disco dance class. On a Friday morning.
Weekdays are usually sacred for work, but there was this pull… a longing to break the inertia.
Apparently, what I needed was an instructor in neon spandex asking us to groove to 80s tracks.
That morning felt like the beginning of something — not a big reinvention, just a small return.
It wasn’t about fitness. It wasn’t about routine. It was about feeling something again.
So what’s the counter view?
We’re told wellbeing is about green juices, retreats, and rigid routines.
But what if it's also about tiny, regular interruptions to the ordinary?
Joyful ones. Playful ones. Silly ones. Local, affordable, non-performative ones.
Ones that don’t require you to overhaul your life — just to step sideways from it, for a moment.
That’s how the idea of weekly wellbeing micro adventures was born.
The Micro Adventure Manifesto
Here are the gentle rules I’ve made for myself as I try this out:
With other people.
The research (and our hearts) say we feel better when we’re connected. So these adventures include others — even if we just smile at the person on the mat next to us.
Affordable.
If it works, I want to repeat it. This isn’t about a £90 spa day — it’s about a £9 drop-in class or a free gallery stroll.
Local.
My wellbeing is tied to the places I actually spend time in. I’m curious about what’s already around me.
Not in the evenings.
Evenings are full. Of fatigue, of responsibilities. So where I can, I’ll adventure earlier in the day.
Once a week.
Just one thing. One moment that helps me feel more like myself again.
One theme at a time.
Creativity, awe, rest, movement — I’ll focus on one wellbeing theme at a time to keep it doable (and memorable).
What will this change?
Already, something is shifting. I feel a little more awake. More playful. More willing.
Not because I’m fixing myself, but because I’m reconnecting. With joy. With curiosity. With the aliveness I’d let go quiet.
This isn’t self-optimisation.
It’s self-reclamation.
Want to try your own weekly wellbeing micro adventure?
Here are 5 questions to get you started:
What’s pulling at you right now?
What’s your version of a disco class?
What do you want to feel more of?
What wellbeing area are you most curious to explore?
What are your rules for adventure?
Want to come along with me? Follow along on Substack.
For weekly inspiration to start your own micro adventure practice, sign up for our newsletter. Get real-life ideas, gentle encouragement, and wellbeing stories worth reading.
Let’s see what becomes possible — one tiny, joyful interruption at a time.
Bridging the Gap: 5 Everyday Learnings About Connection and Loneliness from the World Happiness Report
Feeling disconnected or overwhelmed? These five insights from the World Happiness Report 2025 offer gentle, everyday ways to feel more connected and supported.
Are you feeling a bit lonely, even when life is full? You’re not the only one.
Busyness doesn’t always protect us from disconnection. In fact, it can hide it. You move from meeting to message to moment — but where’s the connection in that?
The World Happiness Report 2025 makes one thing clear: loneliness is more than a passing feeling. It's a wellbeing risk. But it also shows there are small, human ways to reconnect — not by overhauling your life, but by gently rethinking your days.
This year’s report pulled together global data and powerful insights — not to pressure us into forced happiness, but to show where connection truly lives, and why it matters more than ever.
Here are five takeaways that offer do-able ways to feel more grounded and connected, especially when you’re feeling out of step with yourself or others.
These are not radical lifestyle shifts. They’re small, nourishing practices that can help you gently move from disconnected to connected — one interaction, one cup of tea, one kind thought at a time.
1. Sharing Meals Is More Than Just Eating
People who regularly eat with others are happier. It’s not about the food; it’s about the moment. Whether it’s a family meal, lunch with a colleague, or a spontaneous snack with a friend, the act of eating together fosters social bonds. The report even links solo dining with rising loneliness in places like the U.S.
Everyday Practice: Try to share at least one meal a week with someone else — in person if possible, but even virtually counts. It’s a gentle reminder you’re not alone in the world.
2. Kindness Feels Better When It's Genuine
Doing something kind can lift your mood — but why you’re doing it matters. The report found that helping others boosts our wellbeing most when it comes from a place of care, not performance. Kindness that’s quietly given for its own sake is the kind that restores us.
Everyday Practice: Hold the door, make the call, send the message — not to tick a box, but to offer something good to the other person. Your intention counts.
3. Your Brain Might Be Getting It Wrong
We often assume social interactions will be draining or awkward. But science says otherwise: most of us feel better after a meaningful exchange — whether it’s thanking a barista or talking to a stranger on the train. Our brain’s predictions about discomfort tend to be off.
Everyday Practice: Gently challenge those inner stories. Speak up in small ways. Ask the question, start the chat, send the compliment. You may be surprised at how good it feels.
4. Micro-Connections Matter More Than You Think
We often chase deep relationships as the gold standard, but the report reminds us: even small, fleeting interactions can lift us. Talking to a neighbour. Smiling at a stranger. Waving to the person walking their dog.
Everyday Practice: Notice and nurture your "weak ties" — those looser connections that still offer warmth and recognition. They stitch our days together more than we think.
5. Treat Connection Like a Health Essential
One standout stat: loneliness can impact your health as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That’s not a scare tactic — it’s a call to treat social wellbeing as seriously as sleep, food, and movement.
Everyday Practice: Schedule social time into your week as you would a walk or a meal. Don’t wait until it’s urgent. Make it part of your life maintenance.
Loneliness isn’t something you have to power through or pretend isn’t there. And you don’t need to be in crisis to deserve more connection.
You deserve to feel part of something.
You deserve time and space to feel like yourself again.
If you’re curious about small, everyday ways to feel better, sign up to our newsletter. It’s full of ideas, reminders, and resources that meet you where you are.
Get ideas that feel good.
Bristol Lido
Bristol Lido is a restored Victorian open-air pool and spa in Clifton, offering cold water swimming, sauna, and seasonal food in a peaceful city-centre setting. A perfect mind–body reset, it invites you to slow down, move gently, and reconnect.
Perfect For
Anyone craving a reset without leaving the city—whether that’s through movement, stillness, warmth or just a little space to think again.
Why You’ll Love It
Hidden behind a row of Georgian townhouses in Clifton, Bristol Lido is one of those places that feels like a secret well-being sanctuary in the middle of the city.
At its centre is a sparkling, heated open-air pool (to 20-24 degrees year around — these things matter), surrounded by steam rooms, saunas, treatment rooms and a restaurant overlooking the water.
Whether you’re trying to glide through the water, floating under grey skies, or warming up with a post-swim coffee, it’s the kind of place that grounds you in your body and quiets your mind—without ever leaving the city.
What Makes It Special
A historic city-centre oasis – Originally opened in 1850, lovingly restored into a modern, serene space for rest and movement.
Connection built in — Experience one of the supper clubs and make friends beyond your bathing suit.
Eat well, feel well – The poolside restaurant feels like a genuine treat—nutritious, seasonal food from local sources.
The Story Behind It
Rescued from dereliction and reopened in 2008, Bristol Lido was brought back to life by a group who believed in reimagining the public bathing experience for modern life. They’ve since expanded their vision to Reading with the Thames Lido.
Something Else We Love
Outdoor swimming always feels like a mini-holiday, particularly when the pool is in its own courtyard and has those cute Victorian changing rooms. You also don’t need to be a member: two hour guest swims are available with pre-booking.
The If Lost Take
We love Bristol Lido because it’s a reminder to slow down even in the busiest of cities. You don’t need a full retreat—sometimes all it takes is 45 minutes, a pool, and a moment to connect with ourselves again.
Motherhood Is Not a Solo Act: Why Maternal Mental Health Needs a Village
Explore why maternal mental health depends on support and community. Learn how to reconnect with yourself — and others — in early motherhood.
What if the real reason you feel overwhelmed as a mother isn’t because you’re doing it wrong — but because you’re doing it as a solo act?
We tell new mums to "ask for help" while designing a world where help is hard to come by. We expect women to raise children with invisible villages that no longer exist — and then wonder why so many feel isolated, anxious, or not like themselves.
The truth is, most of us weren’t meant to mother in silence.
In many parts of the world, new parents are surrounded by elders, neighbours, friends — not just in celebration, but in the daily. Someone to hold the baby so you can shower. Someone to make you a meal, or simply ask how you really are — and stay long enough to hear the answer.
But the modern shape of motherhood, especially in the West, has become something else entirely: isolated, individualised, and weighed down with unrealistic expectations. You’re meant to bounce back, keep it together, and somehow find time to “enjoy every moment.”
And when you can’t? It feels like a personal failing — not a systemic one.
This isn’t just a poetic longing for the “village” of old — it’s backed by science. Research shows that poor social support is one of the strongest predictors of postpartum depression and anxiety. And when we do have support — emotional, practical, or peer-based — we’re more resilient, less likely to burn out, and more likely to feel connected to ourselves as well as our child.
We need to talk more openly about the real emotional cost of isolated motherhood, and build alternatives that honour the full spectrum of maternal experience.
Motherhood is not a solo act — it was never meant to be.
You don’t need to carry the emotional load alone. Whether you’re finding your way after birth, deep in the shifts of matrescence, or simply exhausted from holding it all — you deserve space, reflection, and support.
It might look like listening to the Not Calm Mums series on the Calm app while you rock the baby to sleep. It could be a quiet walk with a friend who asks how you are. A supportive conversation with a therapist or accredited coach who doesn’t judge.
A visit to the World Maternal Mental Health Day website to see what help is available in your country. Joining a WhatsApp group of mums who are awake at 3am too. Or a future moment — like our Everyday Retreat or Summer Wellcation — to reconnect with yourself and others.
Because your needs matter too. And you deserve support that feels real, accessible, and kind.
We believe your wellbeing is worth investing in. Not just for your children, but for you.
Other Support That Might Help
Support doesn’t have to be loud or complicated. Sometimes it’s a quiet reminder that you’re not alone. Here are a few places and resources that offer care, connection, and calm — whether you're a new mum, deep in the school years, or simply someone carrying a lot:
Not Calm Mums – Calm App: Real talk and realistic moments from the Calm team — designed just for mothers who feel, well, not calm.
Motherkind Podcast: Honest conversations on motherhood, mental health, and finding a deeper sense of self.
World Maternal Mental Health Day: Learn more about the global movement, find local initiatives, and access maternal mental health support by region.
Postpartum Support International: A hub for international help — including support groups, helplines, and professional referrals.
Pandas Foundation: Offers a free helpline, support groups, and resources designed to meet parents exactly where they are.
The Motherhood Group: An award-winning platform centering Black mothers' experiences of matrescence, mental health, and systemic barriers.
Happy Mum, Happy Baby: Giovanna Fletcher’s podcast and platform is packed with non-judgemental, emotionally honest interviews about parenting, identity, and mental health.
Mothers Who Make: A peer support network for mothers who are artists, creatives, or makers.
Local library baby-and-me groups / playgroups: Sometimes support is as simple as showing up for rhyme time and chatting to another parent.
Let’s Stay Connected
At If Lost Start Here, we don’t believe you should have to navigate this alone. Whether you’re looking for everyday wellbeing guidance, 1:1 support, or group experiences like our Summer Wellcation, we’re here to walk alongside you.
Join our mailing list to hear about ways we can support you — coaching sessions, courses, and gentle check-ins for your emotional wellbeing.
Join the List for More Guidance and Connection
Festivals That Move You: 5 Mind–Body Gatherings to Bookmark This Summer
Discover five of the UK’s most inspiring wellbeing festivals for summer 2025—featuring yoga, trail running, wild swimming, live music, mindfulness and more. From Love Trails to Wilderness, these gatherings offer movement, connection and joy in stunning natural settings.
When we talk about mind–body wellbeing, we often imagine yoga mats, silent retreats, and solo meditations. But what if feeling well could be louder, looser, and shared with thousands of others under open skies?
These festivals go beyond the traditional wellness format—they bring together movement, music, community, and nature in ways that are joyful, embodied, and deeply connecting.
Here are five to discover:
1. Love Trails Festival
10 — 13 July, 2025 | Gower Peninsula, Wales
A festival where trail running, adventure, and music are brought together, Love Trails is for those who see movement as a form of freedom. Morning runs, cold dips, wild swims, yoga sessions, and night-time dancing—it’s about moving through the weekend with curiosity and community. If you’ve ever wanted to combine endorphins with exploration, this one’s for you.
The If Lost Take:
We love it because it proves that fitness can be soulful and adventure can be mindful.
2. Boardmasters
Wednesday 6 – Sunday 10 August, 2025 | Newquay, Cornwall
Surf. Skate. Sounds. Set against the cliffs and beaches of Cornwall, Boardmasters blends a coastal lifestyle with world-class music and wellness. Think: morning beach yoga, breathwork, cold water therapy, surf sessions, and then dancing under the stars to big-name DJs. It's a sun-kissed reset that brings together body and rhythm, rest and exhilaration.
The If Lost Take:
This is wellbeing for the wave-chasers, sea-dippers, and free spirits who feel better with sand between their toes.
3. Wellnergy Festival
13th & 14th June, 2025 | Wimbledon Park, London
Wellnergy blends fitness, mindfulness, music, food, and mental health into a one-day experience that’s accessible, thoughtful, and full of positive energy. With talks from psychologists, live workouts, laughter yoga, and nourishing food stalls, it’s designed for those looking to dip into lots of feel-good tools without the overwhelm.
The If Lost Take:
We love how welcoming and inclusive this festival is—a taster menu of wellbeing, served with heart and good vibes.
4. Wilderness Festival
31 July — 3 August, 2025 | Cornbury Park, Oxfordshire
Wilderness mixes music, wild swimming, feasting, wellbeing workshops, and open-air theatre into one of the UK’s most beloved boutique festivals. The Sanctuary area offers everything from forest bathing to dynamic yoga and fire rituals. This is where mind-body meets wild creativity, and you’ll leave sweaty, inspired, and maybe a little changed.
The If Lost Take:
It’s a beautifully curated pause from real life—a reminder of what’s possible when we come back to our bodies and the land.
5. Verve Festival
Saturday 13 & Sunday 14 September, 2025 | Wiltshire, UK
Tucked into the Wiltshire countryside, Verve is a small, beautiful wellbeing festival designed to restore and uplift. Think open-air yoga, creative workshops, soulful conversations, forest walks, live music and seasonal food, all with a focus on mindful, meaningful living. Intimate, accessible, and community-led, it’s one of the UK’s best-kept secrets for a conscious weekend in nature.
The If Lost Take:
We love Verve for its intentional pace and gentle spirit—a space where wellbeing feels joyful, local, and connecting..
These festivals invite you to move differently, connect deeply, and come back to yourself—through rhythm, nature and shared joy. Whether you're craving a hit of endorphins, a soulful workshop, or a dancefloor under the stars, there's a mind–body gathering waiting to meet you this summer.
Want more ideas like this? Join our mailing list for thoughtful guides, small shifts, and fresh inspiration on how to feel better in everyday life—no festival wristband required.
Frome Boulder Rooms
Frome Boulder Rooms is a modern, inclusive bouldering centre offering climbing for all levels, from beginners to experienced climbers. With a welcoming community, strength training areas, and expert coaching, it’s a place where movement, confidence, and connection come together.
Perfect For
Anyone who wants to move, build strength, and challenge themselves in a fun, supportive environment—whether you’re an experienced climber or just looking for a new way to move your body and clear your mind.
Why You’ll Love It
Frome Boulder Rooms is a climbing gym that encourages movement, strength, and connection.
Designed for all levels—from complete beginners to seasoned climbers—this state-of-the-art bouldering centre offers a welcoming environment where you can challenge yourself, learn new skills, and build confidence one climb at a time.
Whether you’re here to push your limits, train with friends, or just have fun on the walls, this is a place where movement and community come together.
What Makes It Special
A modern bouldering facility – Thoughtfully designed walls with routes for all abilities, from easy climbs to serious challenges.
More than just climbing – Strength and conditioning areas, coaching, and movement classes to support every aspect of your training.
A welcoming space – A friendly, inclusive atmosphere where you can climb at your own pace, whether you're here for fitness, fun, or flow.
The Story Behind It
Founded by a team of passionate climbers, Frome Boulder Rooms was created to make climbing more accessible, more social, and more fun.
With a mission to build a space where movement meets community, they designed a centre that isn’t just about strength—it’s about mind-body connection, confidence, and progression.
Whether you’re tackling your first climb or working on advanced techniques, this is a space where everyone is encouraged to learn..
Something Else We Love
The friendly, community-driven vibe—Frome Boulder Rooms isn’t just about scaling the walls; it’s about sharing the experience. Whether it’s a social climbing night, a women’s session, or coaching for all abilities, this is a place where support and encouragement come as standard..
The If Lost Take
We love Frome Boulder Rooms because it proves that climbing isn’t just about reaching the top—it’s about the process. Whether you’re here for fitness, focus, or fun, this space reminds us that every challenge can be tackled one move at a time..
What if feeling is the way through, not the problem?
If you're feeling emotional exhaustion or disconnection in midlife, maybe your feelings aren’t the problem but rather a path back to yourself.
For a long time, I thought the goal was to feel less.
Less overwhelmed. Less anxious. Less reactive.
Less emotional, less sensitive, less tangled up inside.
Because that’s the message we so often receive — that feelings are inconvenient, messy, indulgent, or something to be managed, tidied, improved.
We learn to ask: What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just feel better? Why do I keep reacting like this?
We get good at staying composed.
We learn how to keep the peace, keep the plates spinning, and keep functioning — even when something inside us is quietly aching, aching, aching.
And yet… the more I tried to control how I felt, the more disconnected I became.
Not just from other people, but from myself.
Because somewhere along the way, I’d started treating my feelings as problems. Something to get past. Something to rise above. Something to fix.
But what if they weren’t?
> What if feeling is the way through, not the thing to push past?
What if that low hum of irritation has something important to say?
What if the teariness isn’t weakness, but a signal that something in you still longs to be seen?
What if the numbness isn’t failure, but the body’s way of saying this has been too much for too long?
What if our feelings aren’t dysfunctional — but direction?
What if they’re maps, not mess?
And what if the only thing we need to do is listen?
Not fix. Not perform. Not perfect.
Just pause long enough to name what’s actually there.
I’ve started doing that more often. Just naming the emotion — even quietly to myself.
Not the surface-level one (“I’m stressed”), but the real one underneath.
I use a simple practice: naming the layers of what I’m feeling.
Sometimes what I call “busy” is really anxious.
Sometimes what I call “flat” is actually grief.
Sometimes what I call “nothing” is just too much noise in too many directions.
And every time I name it, something softens.
I don’t suddenly feel amazing.
But I feel real. I feel here. I feel true to myself, even if I’m still in the middle of something I can’t quite explain.
And maybe that’s the point.
Not to get rid of our feelings.
But to walk through them, with gentleness, and find our way to ourselves again.
Because you don’t need to be less emotional.
You just need to be allowed to feel — in your own time, in your own language, in a life that’s allowed to be complex and layered and messy and still deeply beautiful.
You’re not broken because you feel everything.
You’re not behind because you feel nothing today.
You’re not wrong for needing more softness, more space, more time.
You’re human. And you’re allowed to feel all of it.
That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.
Our Emotions Coaching for Midlife Sessions
Unsure of what you’re feeling in midlife? Our 1:1 emotions coaching session offers a supportive space to explore all your emotions — whether that’s anxiety, sadness, or something else.
Learn how a greater understanding of your emotions can help with shifts in relationships, career, self-identity, and more.
Discover how our emotions coaching sessions for midlife can help you make sense of all you’re feeling, or even resisting, right now.
If you’re struggling with all you are feeling in midlife (or trying not to feel), subscribe to our newsletter for practical skills and new perspectives on navigating this time of your life.
Navigating Grief: Practical Steps to Find Meaning and Support Through Loss
Learn how to navigate grief in your own way. Explore how emotions coaching can help you process loss and rediscover meaning.
Grief is one of the most profound and overwhelming emotions we experience. It reshapes our world, touches every aspect of our lives, and often feels like a storm we can't outrun.
If you’re navigating grief—or supporting someone who is—this guide offers gentle, practical steps to help make this moment just a little more bearable.
Grief Is a Story We Carry
When I lost my mum, it felt as though grief had become my identity. I was no longer myself; I was sadness, sorrow, and regret. I worried that grief was wearing me rather than the other way around, like an old coat I couldn’t take off.
This overwhelming sense of loss can feel consuming, but one of the most helpful lessons I’ve learned is that we are not our emotions. Grief is something we experience, not something we are.
Reframing this allowed me to step back and see that grief was just one part of my story. And when we see grief as part of a broader narrative, we realise it can hold moments of connection, love, and even gratitude.
One of those moments came during a walk after the funeral has passed. It was a grey, cold afternoon, and I found myself taking a familiar path. Though the world felt heavy and quiet, I noticed something else come in: the subtle buds forming on the branches, the crunch of leaves underfoot, and a bird’s song breaking through the stillness.
Grief hadn’t left me, but in that moment, it felt like life was still present—vibrant, beautiful, and waiting. It reminded me that even in the depths of loss, the world continues to hold small wonders if we look for them.
Grief, I learned, can be a bridge: a way to continue honouring and connecting with those we’ve lost, even though it had felt for the longest period like shutting down.
Practical Steps to Navigate Grief
I know we can’t solve for grief. We can’t take it away. We can’t fix it. I can offer you some ways to move through a profound period of grief, when you are ready. And that’s key. Some of these would have infuriated me in the early stages, others were just too far out of reach to consider. But when time had passed, when something had shifted, I started to grasp for them, sometimes gently, sometimes greedily.
These then are offered lightly for whenever you are ready:
1. Create Meaningful Rituals
Whether it’s revisiting places you shared, lighting a candle in their memory (I found this surprisingly comforting), or cooking a favourite meal (even M&S microwave food took on new resonance), rituals can help anchor your grief in love.
2. Move Your Body
In the months after my mum died, walking became my lifeline. It wasn’t just about movement—it was about giving grief the space it needed. Walking helped me process emotions in my body, and watching the changing seasons reminded me that time moves forward, even when it feels like we’re stuck.
Some of my most healing moments came from walking with others. There’s something about side-by-side movement that makes it easier to share, easier to grieve together, without the intensity of sitting face-to-face.
3. Understand Grieving Styles
Some people need to look back, holding onto memories and maintaining a connection with the person they’ve lost. Others look forward, using the loss as a motivator to engage more deeply with life. Neither approach is “right” or “wrong.” Understanding this can help you release judgment of yourself or others.
4. Seek Awe
After my mum’s death, I sought solace in awe. Inspired by Dacher Keltner’s work, I intentionally visited museums—spaces that connected me to something greater than myself. Awe can be found in the natural world, in the vastness of the universe, or in the quiet courage of others. It doesn’t take grief away, but it does offer a sense of meaning and wonder that can carry you forward.
Grief and Connection
Grief can feel isolating, but it is deeply relational. After my mum’s funeral, it wasn’t just family who showed up—it was the shopkeepers, the small-business owners, and the neighbours she’d known for decades. Their gestures of support—closing their shops, standing on doorsteps, filling the church pews—reminded me how interconnected we all are.
If you’re grieving, don’t underestimate the power of connection. Whether it’s sharing stories, asking someone to “tell me about them,” or simply sitting in silence with a friend, these moments can lessen the weight of loss
For Those Supporting Someone in Grief
I found that people stopped reaching out because they were afraid of saying the wrong thing. It can be hard to ‘get it right’, and nothing you say can make up for a loss. But even though my friends stumbled, the fact that they tried was often enough.
If you’re struggling though to know what to say, you could try these:
1. Ask Thoughtful Questions
Avoid clichés and instead ask, “What’s one thing you’ve been remembering about them lately?” or “How are you, really?”
2. Be Present Without Pressure
You don’t have to have the perfect words. Just showing up matters.
3. Keep Showing Up (Even Later On)
Grief doesn't end after the funeral. In fact, the weeks and months afterward can feel even lonelier. A simple message saying, “Just thinking of you today,” or “I’m here if you want to talk—or not talk,” can mean more than you know. Mark anniversaries, birthdays, or just check in on ordinary days. The smallest acts of remembering can be profoundly comforting.
4. Offer Something Specific
People often say, “Let me know if you need anything”—but in grief, decision-making and asking for help can feel impossible. Instead, offer something tangible: “I can bring over dinner next Thursday,” “I’m heading to the shops—can I pick anything up for you?” or “Would you like some company on a walk this weekend?” Thoughtful, practical support speaks volumes.
5. Accept Their Experience as It Is
Each person grieves in their own way and on their own timeline. Avoid comparing or trying to "fix" their feelings. Instead, acknowledge their experience with phrases like, “That sounds so hard,” or “I can’t imagine what that feels like, but I’m here with you in it.” Allow their emotions—whatever they are—to be valid and witnessed.
Grief is hard, it just is
When we grieve, it’s easy to feel like we’re stuck. But grief, like life, is fluid. It holds space for laughter as well as tears, for forward movement as well as reflection. It’s not a betrayal to feel joy, gratitude, or even awe amidst your loss.
Grief can be overwhelming, and I understand why you’d want to navigate it alone. To retreat. And that’s what I did for a while, cancelling plans and memberships, appointments and social events.
But I also leaned on my work as an emotions coach. It helped me honor grief for what it was and what it needed to be for me.
If you’re curious about how this might help, book a free consult. We can talk about how emotions coaching can help you process your grief, stay connected with your loved ones, and rediscover meaning.
When Wellness Isn’t Working: A Few Small Things That Might Actually Help
Self-Care Feeling Like A Chore? Here’s What Might Actually Help.
Or: A Wellbeing Prescription for People Who Are a Bit Tired of Self-Care
There’s this moment that happens, usually when you’re standing in your kitchen at 9 pm, surrounded by unopened supplements, a meditation app you never use, and a wilting bag of spinach you meant to juice.
And you catch yourself thinking:
When? And how? And maybe why?
You might even ask this: What is going on with this wellness thing anyway? Is it really helping me feel better, or has it become another thing that I feel like I’m failing at?
Maybe you’ve tried the things. The early mornings. The gratitude lists. The wild swimming trend. Maybe you have six lists in the notes app on your phone with titles like “Things That Might Help”.
And maybe none of them have really helped in the way you hoped. Or they did for a moment, but you couldn’t sustain them beyond the three days that you managed to fit them in before life took over again.
Wellness might have once felt simple. Now it can tend to feel like homework.
There’s always something new to do. Another morning routine to master. Another life hack to implement. Another hot take about gut health or cold plunging or celery juice, or which milk you should actually be drinking.
And all of it — somehow — starts to feel like work.
Which is wild, really, when you think about what wellness is supposed to be: care, comfort, restoration, return.
But this is where so many of us seem to have landed — in a place where self-care feels like another thing to get right.
So what do we do when wellness starts to feel like a chore? When it’s not that we want to abandon caring for ourselves — but we definitely want to care differently?
We look somewhere else.
We step sideways.
We get messier, softer, smaller.
We look for things that feel less like a regime, and more like a reminder — of what feels human. What feels good. What feels possible.
In this month’s Wellbeing Prescription, we curated a handful of books, podcasts, ideas, and places that won’t ask you to be better or do more.
They won’t tell you to wake up at 5 am or optimise your sleep cycle.
But they might just make you feel a little more like yourself again.
Books for Wellbeing Confusion
Real Self-Care by Dr Pooja Lakshmin — for redefining what care really means
I Didn't Do The Thing Today by Madeleine Dore — for gentle rebellion against productivity culture
I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest With You? by Miranda Hart — for humour and humanness in equal measure
Wellness by Nathan Hill — for recognising yourself (for better or worse) in fiction
Browse more of our edit of the books that can help you navigate the sometimes overwhelming world of wellness.
Podcasts to Walk With
Everything Happens with Kate Bowler — for kindness + complexity
Maintenance Phase — for myth-busting wellness culture
The Happiness Lab — for the science of what actually matters
Discover more podcasts that can help you find a more real-life approach to wellness here.
TV to Watch Without Guilt
Ted Lasso — for joy and simplicity
White Lotus— for sharp, biting wellness satire
Nine Perfect Strangers — a wellness resort offers more than it says in the brochure
Shrinking — what happens after your therapist says that’s time
Loot — for when wellness means a water bed filled with camomile tea and a koi pond filled with fish you are slightly scared of (the billionaire kind then)
Places To Go (or Imagine Going)
Self Space — therapy without clinical vibes
The School of Life — for thoughtful people being thoughtful
The Happy Place Festival — for connecting with others around what feels-good
A bench. Any bench. Sit. Breathe. Watch the pigeons.
An Alternative Daily Practice
Do less, without feeling guilty about it.
Be curious, not perfect.
Look for life-giving things, not life-hacking things.
Optional Side Effects
Reduced panic at the phrase wellness routine
A new fondness for Miranda Hart
Increased compassion for literally everyone just trying to get through the day
Lowered expectations (in the best possible way)
Tiny, steady improvement in your relationship with your own wellbeing
Join In
What would you add to this prescription?
A book that soothed you. A podcast that helped. A small thing that felt like magic (or relief) in the middle of a very ordinary day.
Join this discussion on Substack and Instagram.
And while you’re at it, what should go in the next Wellbeing Prescription? What small, everyday things feel like they need their own remedy?
Because maybe wellness isn’t broken.
Maybe it’s just due for a rewrite.
Curious about your unique way to well? Learn more about our wellbeing sessions.
How to Find Your Way Back to Something That Feels Like Wonder
Rediscover joy, curiosity, and meaning in midlife — even when life feels flat. For anyone longing to feel more alive in their own lives again and revive their sense of wonder.
There’s a part of you — a quiet, flickering part — that still wants to feel something.
It’s not loud. It doesn’t shout. It doesn’t demand attention.
But it’s there. Beneath the routines, the responsibilities, the relentless noise of everything that needs doing. A small ache. A soft whisper. A sense that life could feel… more alive again.
Not bigger. Not busier. Not more impressive.
Just with more of you in it.
I know that feeling.
I’ve stood in the middle of my life and wondered where my curiosity went.
Where my joy went.
Where my sense of play or possibility or even lightness had gone.
And I’ve looked at my full calendar, my full shelves, my full days — and felt strangely empty inside them.
It’s not that anything was wrong. It’s just that something had quietly dimmed. Something I hadn’t even noticed slipping away.
And for a long time, I told myself I just needed a break. Or a holiday. Or a good night’s sleep. But what I was really missing was something else that I’d been overlooking for a while:
Wonder.
Not in the magical, childlike, fireworks-and-miracles kind of way (though maybe sometimes that too).
But in the sense of being moved by something again.
Touched. Stirred. Lit up, even momentarily, by something that reminded me I was still human, still noticing, still capable of feeling something beyond obligation or exhaustion.
And slowly — gently — I began to find my way back.
Not through anything big or profound. Just small shifts in attention.
Small moments.
I started capturing tiny glimmers each day. Nothing curated or worthy or remarkable — just things that made me feel something, even briefly.
A painting that enlivened something in me.
A phrase that landed well.
The smell of toast.
A pop song on the journey to school.
The sound of rain on the roof while I lay in bed on a Sunday morning.
These weren’t dramatic changes. But they were enough to soften something.
They were enough to remind me that I could still feel.
That I could still find beauty in things.
That I could still belong to my own life.
Because that’s what wonder does — it brings you back.
Not just to the world, but to yourself.
So if you’ve been feeling flat, a little grey around the edges, a little disconnected from the feeling of joy or inspiration or spontaneity — start smaller.
Don’t search for a grand purpose or a huge transformation — ways to blow up your life or burn it down.
Search for texture. For moments. For anything that catches your breath or relax your shoulders or makes you pause and think: Yes. That.
That’s enough.
That’s the beginning.
That’s wonder — quietly making its way back to you.
How Might Wonder Show Up In Your Well-being Prescription?
If you’re curious about how to bring more awe and wonder back into your days, book one of our sessions to create your tailored well-being plan.
You can opt to look at how wonder could show up more in your life, how to follow curiosity wherever it leads you, and how to seek out the interesting during these midlife days.
Learn about our wonder pathway here and how our well-being prescriptions work here.
Subscribe to our special midlife newsletter for tailored advice about navigating this part of your life with more curiosity and wonder.
The Lost Art of Reaching Out (Especially When You Don’t Feel Like It)
Feeling disconnected but too overwhelmed to socialise? Here’s how to gently rebuild your sense of community and connection — even when it feels like too much.
Sometimes, connection feels like a beautiful idea that belongs to someone else’s life.
You want it — the warmth, the welcome, the sense of being seen — but everything in your body says not now.
You're burnt out. Anxious. Tired from holding too much for too long.
And instead of reaching out, you slowly slip back. Into silence. Into solitude.
You tell yourself that it’s just for now. But now has been a while.
If that’s you? You’re not failing. You’re human. And you’re not alone.
Many of us are here right now, wanting to connect but not quite knowing how to.
Why We Pull Back When We Most Need People
When life overwhelms us, our nervous systems do something wise: they protect.
They shut things down to help us survive. Socialising — even with people we love — can feel like one demand too many.
The problem is: we still need people. We are hardwired for connection.
It’s a core human need — not a nice-to-have.
But the modern world hasn’t made that easy.
Loneliness is rising, even as we become more digitally connected. According to the Mental Health Foundation, 1 in 4 adults in the UK feel lonely some or all of the time. And among those dealing with burnout, that number climbs even higher.
And yet, when we do connect — even briefly — we feel the shift.
Tiny interactions can co-regulate our nervous systems. A nod from a neighbour. A friendly moment with a stranger in a queue. A text back from someone we haven’t heard from in a while.
The secret is this: connection doesn’t need to be big to be meaningful.
What If We Started Small?
The invitation here is not to “join a group” or “go to more things.”
It’s to experiment with connection that fits you now.
Maybe that looks like:
Sitting in a café instead of scrolling at home — just being in proximity to others.
Texting one person to say: thinking of you, no need to reply.
Wandering a local bookshop or museum, where other quiet people gather.
Volunteering, not for the social aspect, but because doing something small that matters feels grounding.
Attending a gentle yoga or movement class where connection is built through shared breath, not small talk.
Let the moment be enough. You don’t need to stay long.
Just notice how your body feels before and after. Maybe a little lighter?
Rebuilding Trust in People
Reconnection isn’t just about other people. It’s about learning to trust that it’s safe to be seen again. To believe that the right people will meet you where you are.
You don’t need to fix your burnout first. Or wait until you’re “back to your old self.”
The act of connecting — even in the smallest of ways — is part of the healing.
And connection doesn’t mean constant availability.
You can have boundaries. You can take breaks. You can be someone who dips in and out, without explanation.
Because community isn’t a performance. Its presence that you can choose.
What If You Tried One Tiny Reach?
What would your version of a gentle reach look like?
A walk with someone you enjoy talking to?
A visit to a familiar café?
A class where no one expects anything from you except that you try?
Try just one. Let it be small. Let it be enough.
When you’re ready, here are 3 ways we can help you:
1. Join us on Substack – Become a paying member and we’ll gift you our Spring Everyday Retreat right now so you can focus on how you like to connect even when life does its thing.
2. Book a wellbeing coaching session – If you want company while figuring out your next steps, let’s chat. Book a free consultation to see how we can help you connect in ways that feel good to you.
3. Sign up for our newsletter – Receive real-life tools, everyday insights and tiny reminders that you’re not alone in this. We’re all yearning to connect while also finding it easier to binge-watch Netflix.
Grieving the Self You Haven’t Met Yet
How identity loss and emotional burnout are connected to the quiet grief in midlife — and how to reconnect with the version of you that’s still waiting to be seen.
There’s a grief no one really prepares you for. It doesn’t come after a loss you can name. It doesn’t have rituals or casseroles or sympathy cards. No one asks how you’re doing, because, on the surface, everything looks fine. But inside, you know something’s missing. Something quiet. Something tender. Something hard to articulate.
It’s the grief of the self you haven’t met yet.
The version of you that never had enough space to fully arrive. The one who got set aside while you held everything together for everyone else. The one who existed in flickers — in daydreams, in glimpses, in brief moments before someone needed something again.
Maybe you’ve felt her before — in the quiet that rises when you’re alone for a rare hour, or the sudden ache that comes when someone asks, what do you want for yourself?
Maybe you’ve spent years being who you needed to be — for your family, your work, your roles, your responsibilities — and somewhere along the way, forgot how to hear the parts of you that weren’t being asked for.
Maybe it’s only now, in midlife, that you’re beginning to notice the gap. The ache for a version of yourself you never fully became. The unspoken longing for the life you didn’t live — not because you weren’t capable, but because you were busy surviving. And that ache… it’s grief. Quiet, invisible, valid grief.
Not because something went wrong. But because you’re human. And somewhere deep inside, you’re still holding a hope for the woman you haven’t quite become yet — but still might.
We often talk about burnout like it’s purely exhaustion. But so often, it’s this:
Grief for the self who’s been muted. Hidden. Delayed. Postponed.
And the most painful part? You might not even be sure who she is. You just know you miss her. You miss feeling like yourself — even though you’re not sure what that means anymore. You miss desire — even though you don’t know what you want. You miss joy — even though you can’t quite remember how it felt. You miss being inside your own life, not just managing it.
And that’s not something for a quick fix or a rushed to-do list. That’s something only nurturing can touch. Only time. Only honesty.
So what do we do with this grief?
We don’t solve it. We honor it. We let it speak. We let ourselves write the letters we didn’t know we needed to write. We let our tiredness be a message, not a flaw.
We stop asking how to fix ourselves and start asking how to meet ourselves — here, in this middle part of life, where things are not broken, but simply asking for attention.
And in doing that, maybe we begin to create space — not to become someone new, but to finally become ourselves. The version of you that’s been waiting in the wings, quietly. Not perfect. Not fully formed. But real. Ready. Whole in her own unfinished way.
And that’s not the end of something.
It’s the beginning.
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You’re Not Too Much — You’re Just Not Being Heard (Yet)
If your emotions feel overwhelming, intense, or “too much,” you’re not broken. Here’s what’s really happening — and what to do with it.
Have you ever had the thought:
“I’m just too much.”
Too emotional. Too reactive. Too sensitive. Too something.
Maybe you’ve been told it. Maybe you’ve just quietly believed it.
It can creep in after an argument, when you’re crying and can’t explain why. Or when you feel things deeply — joy, disappointment, love, hurt — and you worry it’s exhausting for the people around you.
But here’s the thing: you are not too much. You might just not be being heard.
Not by others. And maybe not by yourself.
A client once said, “I feel like I have this whole weather system inside me. But I don’t know what it’s trying to say.”
We’d been talking about a familiar cycle: emotions that felt too intense, followed by shame for feeling them, followed by a deep wish to just “be less.”
Together, we began to notice a pattern — that what felt like “too much” was often something else:
The sadness that showed up as anger
The fear that dressed itself as control
The vulnerability that wore the mask of perfectionism
She wasn’t too much.
She was just misunderstood — by the people around her, and by her own emotional patterns.
In psychology, we know that emotions don’t always show up neatly.
We experience what’s called secondary emotions — like irritation or guilt — instead of primary emotions like grief or fear. It’s our nervous system protecting us. It’s social conditioning. It’s survival.
Sometimes the first feeling that arrives is the most visible one — not the most authentic.
Anger can mask pain. Tears can signal overwhelm instead of sadness.
We learn to show what we think is “acceptable” and bury what feels vulnerable.
According to research from Yale’s Centre for Emotional Intelligence, people who can identify emotions with greater precision (called emotional granularity) are less likely to experience anxiety and depression, and more able to regulate big emotions.
And Brené Brown’s work shows that language — putting words to emotion — is a gateway to relief. Naming what we feel helps us move through it.
You are not too much.
You are complex. Emotional. Human.
And your inner world might just need more understanding, not more control.
You might not be overreacting — you might be responding to something that’s never had a voice.
You might not be dramatic — you might be in touch, but without a space to process.
What would it feel like to shift from "I need to tone it down" to
"Maybe there’s something here worth listening to"?
That’s where relief starts.
Not from suppressing what you feel, but from becoming curious about what’s underneath.
If this resonates — if you’ve ever been called too much or felt it yourself — you might simply be someone who feels deeply, and is ready to feel more clearly.
Emotions coaching can help you do just that — but there’s no pressure to dive in.
For now, here’s one question to carry with you today:
What might this feeling be trying to tell me — if I really listened?
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Finding Joy in the Middle of a Life That Feels Flat
What’s going on with joy in midlife? How to approach a sense of flatness by noticing tiny sparks of meaning in everyday life — even when everything feels muted.
There’s a particular kind of quiet ache that often shows up in midlife.
It doesn’t arrive like grief or crisis. It doesn’t make a scene.
It’s just… flatness. A greyness. A sense that life has become slightly muted at the edges.
You still do the things. You get up, make the coffee, keep things moving.
You’re not falling apart. But you’re not quite in it, either.
It’s like the colour has drained a little from your days — and you’re not even sure when it happened.
I’ve been in that place, too. I still dip in and out of it, if I’m honest.
And for a long time, I thought something must be wrong with me. That I wasn’t trying hard enough. That I’d lost my spark and needed to find some big solution to get it back.
But eventually I realised: maybe this wasn’t a crisis.
Maybe I didn’t need to fix it.
Maybe I just needed to notice it.
That’s when I started paying attention — not to what was missing, but to what was still quietly present.
Not to fireworks. But flickers.
A particular slant of light in the kitchen.
The sound of a friend in a voice note.
A good sentence in a book.
The way my child’s curls are ever unruly.
The scent of the first-morning coffee.
Tiny joys. Real ones. Ones that belonged to my life, not to someone else’s morning routine or Instagram reel or version of “feeling better.”
And slowly, something shifted.
Not dramatically. Not overnight. But gently.
Life started to feel a little more textured again. A little more mine.
What I’ve learned — and keep re-learning — is this:
> Joy doesn’t always arrive as fireworks. Sometimes it’s a flicker. A soft landing. A quiet something emerging beneath the surface.
And when we’re tired, it’s easy to miss it.
Because joy rarely shouts. It whispers. And if we’re rushing, striving, over-efforting — we won’t hear it.
And those reminders?
They’re everywhere — if you begin looking for them gently, without pressure.
So maybe the question isn’t just: Where did my joy go?
Maybe it’s: Where might I find it hiding in the edges of the life I already have?
Try noticing one small thing today that brings the faintest flicker of something — a pause, a softness, a breath, a second of connection. That’s enough. That’s the beginning.
Maybe you don’t need to feel the biggest of feelings right now. You just need to feel a little more here.
Our Emotions Coaching for Midlife Sessions
Curious about how to revive joy in your life, bring the spark back, and reconnect with what makes you happy (even excited again), check out our emotions coaching sessions.
These sessions can be as much about nurturing perceived positive emotions such as joy, love, and happiness, as managing perceived negative ones like grief, sadness, and anger.
Want to try it? Learn more about our starter sessions here.
Feeling all (or maybe even none) of the things as you navigate midlife. Sign up for our newsletter to learn more about how to feel better as you move through these years.
In midlife, “I’m fine” can mask burnout, hormonal shifts, and emotional overload. Explore why this response changes and how to reconnect with what you really need.