You’re Not Too Much — You’re Just Not Being Heard (Yet)
Have you ever had the thought:
“I’m just too much.”
Too emotional. Too reactive. Too sensitive. Too something.
Maybe you’ve been told it. Maybe you’ve just quietly believed it.
It can creep in after an argument, when you’re crying and can’t explain why. Or when you feel things deeply — joy, disappointment, love, hurt — and you worry it’s exhausting for the people around you.
But here’s the thing: you are not too much. You might just not be being heard.
Not by others. And maybe not by yourself.
A client once said, “I feel like I have this whole weather system inside me. But I don’t know what it’s trying to say.”
We’d been talking about a familiar cycle: emotions that felt too intense, followed by shame for feeling them, followed by a deep wish to just “be less.”
Together, we began to notice a pattern — that what felt like “too much” was often something else:
The sadness that showed up as anger
The fear that dressed itself as control
The vulnerability that wore the mask of perfectionism
She wasn’t too much.
She was just misunderstood — by the people around her, and by her own emotional patterns.
In psychology, we know that emotions don’t always show up neatly.
We experience what’s called secondary emotions — like irritation or guilt — instead of primary emotions like grief or fear. It’s our nervous system protecting us. It’s social conditioning. It’s survival.
Sometimes the first feeling that arrives is the most visible one — not the most authentic.
Anger can mask pain. Tears can signal overwhelm instead of sadness.
We learn to show what we think is “acceptable” and bury what feels vulnerable.
According to research from Yale’s Centre for Emotional Intelligence, people who can identify emotions with greater precision (called emotional granularity) are less likely to experience anxiety and depression, and more able to regulate big emotions.
And Brené Brown’s work shows that language — putting words to emotion — is a gateway to relief. Naming what we feel helps us move through it.
You are not too much.
You are complex. Emotional. Human.
And your inner world might just need more understanding, not more control.
You might not be overreacting — you might be responding to something that’s never had a voice.
You might not be dramatic — you might be in touch, but without a space to process.
What would it feel like to shift from "I need to tone it down" to
"Maybe there’s something here worth listening to"?
That’s where relief starts.
Not from suppressing what you feel, but from becoming curious about what’s underneath.
If this resonates — if you’ve ever been called too much or felt it yourself — you might simply be someone who feels deeply, and is ready to feel more clearly.
Emotions coaching can help you do just that — but there’s no pressure to dive in.
For now, here’s one question to carry with you today:
What might this feeling be trying to tell me — if I really listened?
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