Jun 11

Jun 11 Understanding Midlife Emotions: A Toolkit for Women in Perimenopause and Menopause

Claire Fitzsimmons

Journal

Midlife is emotional. So emotional.

Not in the dramatic, dismissive way we’re told.

But in the quietly profound, messy, layered, deeply human way no one warned us about.

For some of us, midlife emotions feel like an ambush.

For others, like a fog that won’t lift.

You cry at the school newsletter. Snap over the dishwasher. Feel nostalgic, flat, elated, invisible, and uncertain — sometimes in a single afternoon.

Here’s the thing:

You’re not going mad.

You’re not failing at life.

You’re not the only one.

The emotional shifts in midlife are real, and they are biological, cultural, social, and psychological. And once you understand what’s happening beneath the surface, it all starts to make a little more sense.

Why Midlife Feels So Emotional

Here’s what the research shows:

Hormones are real players. During perimenopause and menopause, estrogen — a key mood-regulating hormone — fluctuates wildly. This can destabilise serotonin and trigger mood swings, irritability, anxiety, and even depression.
Sleep suffers. Hot flashes and night sweats disrupt sleep, which worsens emotional resilience. It's not just tiredness — it’s emotional sensitivity fuelled by exhaustion.
Life doesn’t pause. Career shifts, aging parents, empty nests, grief, relationship changes — all pile on at once. It’s not just one thing; it’s everything, all at once.
We’ve been socially trained to ignore ourselves. We’ve been told to stay upbeat, productive, and agreeable — so when emotions hit, they feel foreign, shameful, or ‘too much’.
And the world doesn’t always see us. Many women report feeling invisible, devalued, or dismissed — especially in work and public spaces.

This is biology + life + culture colliding in one highly stressful moment.

But here’s where it also gets hopeful:

An Emotional Toolkit for Midlife Women

You don’t need to ‘get over’ your emotions.

You need tools, space, and information. Here are five small but powerful shifts you can start today:

1. Name what’s happening — without judgement

Mood swings, anxiety, flatness, brain fog… they’re not weakness. They’re signals. Naming what you’re feeling reduces shame and increases clarity.

Try: “Today I feel... because... and that’s okay.”

2. Sleep is sacred

If you’re not sleeping, you’re not thriving. Manage sleep disruptions (hot flashes, anxiety) with gentle bedtime routines, calming rituals, and support if needed.

Consider: Magnesium glycinate, low evening light, and no emotional emails after 8pm.

3. Move — gently, often

Movement isn’t just about physical health. It’s emotional regulation in disguise. A walk. A stretch. A playlist you can dance to. Move your body to move your mood.

Try: Even five minutes counts for shifting your emotional energy.

4. Talk to people who get it

Because right now you probably also need validation. Your feelings aren’t ‘too much’. You’re not broken. Talk to someone who has walked this path — or is walking it too.

To do: This is your sign to call or text that friend you’ve been thinking about.

5. Challenge the crisis narrative

What if midlife wasn’t a crisis — but a moment to reevaluate? Research shows women who see midlife as a time for growth fare better emotionally. You can rewrite the script.

Ask: What part of me might be growing right now — even if I can’t see it yet?