You’re Not Anti-Social. You’re Burnt Out
You might be wondering why connection feels harder than it used to.
Why even replying to a message takes energy you don’t seem to have.
Why the idea of making plans — or keeping them — feels less like joy and more like effort.
Maybe you’ve told yourself you’re becoming anti-social. Or that something’s wrong with you.
But have you thought that you might just be burnt out?
And when we're burnt out, overwhelmed, or overstimulated, it's not that we don’t want connection — it’s that we don’t have the capacity for it in the ways we used to.
Let’s take a gentler look at what’s really going on — and how you can find your way back to the people in your world, slowly and on your terms.
1. It’s Not You. It’s Your Nervous System.
When you’re overwhelmed, your body isn't just stressed; it enters a primal survival mode. From a neuroscience perspective, this triggers your sympathetic nervous system, flooding your system with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, preparing you for 'fight, flight, or freeze.'
In this state, your brain shifts activity away from the logical prefrontal cortex towards more reactive areas like the amygdala. This deprioritises connection because it perceives it as 'extra' or even a vulnerability.
Even if your conscious self longs for company, your autonomic nervous system might be screaming: 'too much!' – interpreting social interaction as additional cognitive load or sensory input when resources are already depleted.
Ultimately, this isn't a rejection of other people; it's a powerful, often unconscious, form of self-protection, as your system attempts to conserve vital energy and reduce stimulation until it can recalibrate.
2. We’ve Normalised Overstimulation
Constant scrolling. The news cycle. Notifications. Everyone needing something from you.
It’s no wonder that community starts to feel like another demand.
You’re not avoiding people because you don’t care. You’re avoiding people because you haven’t had a moment to care for yourself.
We’ve got so used to being “on” all the time, that we can start to judge ourselves when we want to, or need to, switch off.
3. Social Exhaustion Looks Like Disinterest
Here’s the trick: burnout mimics disconnection.
You cancel plans.
You ghost the group chat.
You forget to reply.
You assume it means you’re withdrawing.
But what if it’s just that your tank is empty?
You still love your friends and value your community, but there’s so little left in you to attest to this.
4. Connection Heals Burnout — But It Has to Feel Safe
Meaningful connection can help regulate your nervous system.
But forced connection — with people who drain you or settings that overstimulate you — only adds to the fatigue.
Start where it feels safe:
Someone who gets you, no performance needed
A place that feels calm and familiar
Time limits: 15-minute walk, one cup of tea, one reply
Slow, steady, in the relationships you value most.
5. Choose Micro-Connection, Not Big Energy
You don’t need a group. You don’t need to “make new friends.”
Try one of these instead:
Chat to your barista
Smile at the person on your usual dog walk
Send a funny reel to someone you love
Sit near others in a shared space (library, coworking space, café)
These “small things” are not small to your brain.
They restore trust. They regulate stress. They count.
You are in the world connecting in a way that fits your capacity right now. You’re restoring a sense of self-confidence, even self-trust.
6. Community Doesn’t Have to Be Loud
You’re allowed to build a quiet community. One that fits your energy and rhythm.
Your version of community might be:
An email thread with one friend
A book club where you just listen
A garden you share with neighbours
A quiet nod from someone who recognises you in the queue
Going to the same cafe each week
Showing up to an exercise class where you know the name of one other person
If it feels good and welcoming to you, that might be enough right now.
7. Connection Isn’t a Fix. It’s a Practice.
The point isn’t to solve your overwhelm with people.
The point is to slowly remind your system that you’re supported.
That people can be kind.
That you don’t always have to do it alone.
That you’re still part of something — even if you’ve been quiet for a while.
Find ways to remind yourself of how good, even restorative, connection can feel.
You're Still Social. You're Just Tired.
Let that idea shift something in you.
Let it lower the pressure.
Let it be the reason you reach out — even just a little.
Not to prove you’re okay.
But because connection might be part of what helps you feel more okay again.
If you’re looking for something that fits your pace:
Join our email community for soft encouragement, kind reminders, and gentle guidance
Book a wellbeing coaching session if you’re not sure where to begin. We cover all aspects of life including social connection and we’ll help you explore what this needs to look like for you to feel happier.
Join our community The Wellery on Substack where we figure out how to do life together.
