Oct 6

Oct 6 “Is This How I Really Feel?” When Your Thoughts and Emotions Get Tangled

Ever found yourself suddenly spiralling? Maybe you’re in the middle of a simple conversation… or just walking to the shops… when suddenly something flares — anxiety, shame, guilt — and you don’t even know why.

And then the questioning begins:

Am I overreacting?
Why am I like this?
Is this a real feeling or just me being dramatic?

This is what’s called emotional confusion — and it’s one of the most common things I see as an emotions coach.

It’s also the heart of this week’s episode of A Thought I Kept, where I sit down with the brilliant Anya Pearse to explore the deceptively simple question:

“Am I feeling my thinking?”

How Thoughts Masquerade as Feelings

In our conversation, Anya describes a moment in her life with painful clarity. She’d just learned about the death of a parent she’d been estranged from for years. In the midst of the shock and grief, a surprising feeling surfaced: relief. But just as quickly, came the guilt.

Shouldn’t I be sadder? Was I a bad daughter? Is this what I’m really feeling… or what I’ve been told to feel?

That moment — when her body and mind started to spin in opposite directions — helped her realise something that’s stayed with her ever since: She wasn’t just feeling her feelings. She was feeling her thinking.

That phrase might sound odd at first. But sit with it for a moment. How often do we have an emotion because of a thought that may not even be true?

“They probably hate me.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ve messed everything up.”

We feel shame, fear, sadness — but those emotions are responses to thoughts. Not to what’s actually happening in the moment.

Emotional Confusion Is a Signal.

This is what emotional confusion often looks like in real life:

Feeling overwhelmed without knowing why
Spiralling into anxiety when nothing “big” has happened
Reacting strongly and then doubting yourself afterwards
Telling yourself you’re too much or not enough based on a feeling that doesn’t even feel like your own

And here’s what I’ve learnt: Your emotions are real. But they are not always true.

This doesn’t mean you can’t trust yourself — it means you get to build a better relationship with what your emotions are trying to tell you.

That’s essentially what emotions coaching is about. It’s not about judging or fixing your feelings. It’s about learning how to notice them, untangle them, and gently ask:

Is this mine? Is this now? Is this helpful?