If You’re Self‑Cared‑Out: How to Move from Doing to Being Seen
Feeling disconnected, overwhelmed or stuck in the self‑care loop? Discover how self‑advocacy, emotional health and receiving care can bring meaningful change.
You’ve done the rituals — the colouring‑in, the bubble bath, the breaths, the affirmations. And yet, you still feel drained.
In a recent conversation on A Thought I Kept, I asked psychologist and author Suzy Reading: “What is the one thought you have kept?” Suzy’s answer: “I am someone worth caring for.” And in that simple sentence lies the pivot many of us need — from checking the self‑care box to stepping into the kind of care we might be missing.
1. The Self‑Care Loop: When Doing Becomes Disconnection
Suzy begins the conversation by admitting that it was a “very dreary Friday” and she hadn’t had her usual morning walk to clear the jangly energy. Yet here she was, making space for the conversation and acknowledging the discomfort.
“I’ve got some jangly energy going on too … but you know, we make space for it and it’s all right for it to be here.”
That’s the thing. We often rush into another self‑care “thing” to fix the feeling, rather than giving ourselves permission to simply have the feeling.
If you’re someone who’s been doing self‑care, but still feels numb, overwhelmed or disconnected, consider this: maybe it isn’t more rituals you need — but a different relationship to care.
2. Worthy of Care: The Thought that Changed Everything
At its core, Suzy’s inquiry reveals something many of us never gave ourselves permission to believe: I am someone worth caring for.
She traces that thought back to her late teens and how it’s marks key turning points — a knee injury in her competitive ice‑skating days, becoming a mother, losing her father.
In each, the practice shifted from “perform better” to “treat myself as though I’m worth care” because, as she said:
“If you don’t do that, you’re not going to be here anymore.”
For those feeling burnout, disconnected or emotionally exhausted — the very phrase says this: you do not have to wait until you’ve earned care. You are already worth it.
3. The Barrier: Selflessness, “Not‑Enough”, and Silence of Needs
Why is this so hard? Suzy outlines layers upon layers of cultural messaging:
A “good baby” is one who doesn’t cry. How does that shape how we regard feelings?
A “good child” is one who doesn’t question adults. How does that influence advocating for ourselves?
Women especially carry messages of being selfless, resilient, productive, grateful. In the process our feelings and needs become invisible.
“You mustn’t be selfish. You must be selfless… our own personhood, turning attention inwards … feels shame‑inducing.”
So if you feel lost, exhausted, invisible — it might be less about you doing more and more about you giving yourself permission to need and receive. The blankness you feel might be the space where your needs weren’t asked, seen or met.
4. Self‑Advocacy: The Relational Layer of Self‑Care
Here’s where it deepens: self‑care is not just about self‑soothing or solo rituals. Suzy gently expands it to include receiving care and asking for what you need.
She offers real, grounded advice:
Practice asking with “safe people” first.
Instead of “I don’t mind where we go,” say “Here’s a place I’d enjoy. What about you?”
Be clear: “I feel unappreciated and taken for granted. Would you help me?"
For anyone feeling disconnected — this is an invitation to turn invisible needs into visible requests. To start the conversation with yourself and others. To move from surviving to being supported.
5. Overwhelm, Midlife & the Invitation to Receive
If you’ve been pushing through for years, if you’re mid‑life and your body is starting to whisper (or shout) “slow down”, you might realise the old methods aren’t working. Suzy shares:
“I could muscle my way through anything … until my body said sweetheart you cannot just railroad and muscle your way through everything.”
And so we pivot. We honour the winter seasons of life. We ask:
What have I weathered?
What do I need now?
Can I allow someone to help?
At the close of the episode, Suzy gives a simple but potent practice: every time you sip water (or tea, or whatever you have), place a hand on your heart and say: “I am someone worthy of care.” Use it as a daily touchpoint.
“Where am I at? What do I need?”
Because relational wellbeing isn’t a luxury, it’s a lifeline.
6. What You Can Do Right Now
If you’re reading this and you feel drained, disconnected or simply over it — try this:
1. Pause for one minute, put a hand on your heart and say: “I am someone worth caring for.”
2. Write down one need you have today. (No judgement.)
3. Make one gentle request from someone you trust. It could be: “Would you hold space for me for 10 minutes this week?” or “Could you help me with X so I don’t burn out?”
4. Listen to the episode of A Thought I Kept where Suzy and I unpack all this in vivid detail. (Link below.)
5. If you feel comfortable, share this page or the podcast with someone you trust — being seen is the other half of caring.
If Suzy’s thought — “I am someone worthy of care” — stirred something in you, our Coaching Sessions are here to help you gently unpack those feelings, reconnect with your needs, and practice the relational skills of self-advocacy.
Whether you're overwhelmed, self-cared-out, or simply seeking a safe space to feel seen, we’re here.
How We Cope: The Hidden Language of Emotions, the Body, and Self-Harm
Explore how emotional coping, self-harm, and nervous system regulation are deeply connected — and what it means to support ourselves and others with less fear.
We are taught to say “I’m fine.”
We are rarely taught to notice what we actually feel.
And almost never taught what to do with it.
This week on the podcast, I spoke with Beth Derry — resilience coach, Havening practitioner, and founder of Lovely Messy Humans — about one idea that changed everything for her:
“I'm bringing the realization that I had not actually that so long ago, still in my forties, about the sheer power that our nervous system has over every aspect of our life, our health, our happiness, our relationships, our work, and yet we have not talked about it. And when I started to learn about it and go deeper into it, it really changed everything.”
It made me wonder: What would our lives look like if we were taught nervous system literacy in school?
If we knew that emotional coping isn’t a flaw — but often a biological response?
If we stopped seeing anxiety, anger, or shutdown as personal failures… and started seeing them as signals?
When We Don’t Know How to Cope
When we don't understand our internal worlds — when we push away feelings, or panic in the presence of them — we disconnect. From ourselves. From others. From the cues that could help us come back to safety.
As Beth so gently shared, many of us live in the edges of our window of tolerance. We function. We show up. But we’re often one thing away from emotional overload. Or from total shutdown.
And in those spaces, we might turn to whatever makes the pain disappear.
Even if just for a moment.
Self-Harm and the Misunderstood Body
One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was Beth’s perspective on self-harm — especially among young people. A topic often clouded by fear, shame, or silence.
She explains that self-harm is rarely about wanting to die.
It’s often a desperate attempt to feel something, or regulate overwhelm.
A bid for connection. A tool of survival. A nervous system trying to find relief.
That reframing changed something in me. As a parent. As a coach. As a human who once believed that emotional intensity was a flaw to fix.
We talk a lot about mental health. But nervous system health? Still a gap.
And yet — it’s at the heart of how we process everything.
What I’m Taking With Me
Here are just a few shifts I’m sitting with after this conversation:
Emotions are messengers, not enemies. Every feeling we have — from anxiety to anger to disgust — evolved to help us survive. They’re not the problem. They’re trying to point us to one.
We don’t need to be experts. But we do need to get curious. Especially when we find ourselves spiralling, shutting down, or stuck.
Self-harm isn’t attention-seeking. It’s often connection-seeking. And our first response should always be: safety, gentleness, and holding the door open for conversation.
Talking therapy is powerful — but sometimes we need the body in the room. Beth’s work with Havening is just one example of how physical practices can help calm the nervous system and unlock healing in a different way.
For You, If You’re Feeling Lost
If you’re feeling emotionally full to the brim…
If you’re shut down and not sure how to begin again…
If your teenager seems unreachable…
Or if you simply want to understand why you react the way you do —
This episode is an invitation.
To move slowly.
To get curious.
To stop blaming yourself for feeling everything (or nothing).
To start gently noticing the signals your body has been sending all along.
Listen to this week’s episode: Lovely Messy Humans: Understanding Self-Harm, Emotional Coping, and the Nervous System with Beth Derry. Available now on A Thought I Kept
And if you need more support and understanding as you explore your emotional life, book one of our 1:1 online sessions.
What to Do When You Feel Creatively Empty
How to Reclaim Your Energy, One Small Practice at a Time
You know the feeling. That bone-deep tiredness that no nap or green juice will touch. The ideas that once came freely now feel flat. The excitement that used to buzz in your chest has turned to static.
If you’ve been feeling creatively empty — like your spark has left the room — you’re not broken. You’re burnt out, or as entrepreneur and founder Liana Fricker calls it, maybe you’re just in a “burndown.”
When Liana hit burnout — again — in 2023, she realised that it wasn’t a one-off collapse. It was part of a repeating pattern. She’d push hard, build momentum, connect dots, gather people, spark ideas — and then, suddenly, the tank was empty. She had to start “by designing my work life and just my general life in such a way that creates that space so I can stay open.”
Liana calls herself an “idea-laying machine.” But even machines need power sources — and her old ways of working (and marketing herself online) weren’t sustainable anymore.
So she began to experiment. To unlearn. To ask a different set of questions:
What if I stopped performing consistency and started trusting my energy instead?
What would work look like if it was slower, tactile, real-world?
What if connection — not content — was my strategy?
These are some of the wellbeing practices and mind shifts that helped Liana rebuild creative energy — not by working harder, but by reimagining what “working” means.
Each one is a quiet act of resistance against burnout culture, and a reminder that creative energy is not infinite but it is renewable.
1. Stop Performing Consistency — Start Practising Self-Trust
The advice we’re given online — “be consistent!” — often misses the truth that not all brains or energy cycles work in straight lines. For Liana, the key was designing routines that flowed with her energy, not against it.
She now plans her month in cycles: high-energy weeks first, slow restoration later. Some weeks are for ideas, others are for Antiques Roadshow and weighted blankets.
“If all I could do was meditate in a sauna and watch Antiques Roadshow with my weighted blanket at 3 p.m. on a Wednesday, I can do that. Because that might be what the burndown needs, right?”
Try this: Instead of scheduling every day equally, design your calendar like a tide chart. Plan creative work during your high-energy phases, and build in restorative “ebb” weeks.
2. Redefine Burnout — and Learn Your ‘Burndown’ Pattern
Liana differentiates between burnout (the big collapse) and burndown (the mini energy crashes that happen every few weeks).
When you start to recognise these smaller cycles, you can respond before the full crash.
Notice:
Do you have predictable weeks of high motivation followed by emotional flatness?
Do you overcommit when your energy peaks?
Can you give yourself permission to pause before you’re forced to stop?
Reframing burnout as cyclical rather than catastrophic helps turn it from a crisis into data — something you can observe, not judge.
3. Design for Energy, Not Productivity
“I think if you're someone who suffers from quite big burnouts or you've had a few in your life and you're over the age of 40, you may want to take a step back and ask yourself, what is this internal engine that keeps making me run at full speed, ultimately off a cliff?”
So she began to design her days not for output, but for energy flow. She created conditions that help her stay open — like attending real-world gatherings, limiting context-switching, and making space for brainfood conversations.
“I absolutely came home buzzing with energy, being in a room, in a curated space. It didn't feel too overwhelming, but just with so many interesting people telling me interesting things, that kind of cup is very full.”
Try this: Once a week, replace a Zoom call with a walk, a museum visit, or a local event. Think of it as refuelling, not slacking. Creative energy is relational.
4. Feed Your Brain (and Body) With Connection
Liana describes herself as “best with a spark” — someone whose creativity ignites in conversation.
That spark doesn’t come from scrolling; it comes from connection. The quick chat with a stranger, the serendipity of a room, the awkward but alive feeling of being seen.
“Whereas if you're on your phone or on your laptop, it's like the closest you'll ever get to an invisibility cloak, right? You can choose whether to engage or not.”
For those feeling creatively apathetic, connection might be the antidote — not to produce something, but to remember what it feels like to be moved.
5. Reframe ‘Anxiety’ as Excitement
A subtle but powerful reframe:
When your heart races before a new project or social event, what if it’s not anxiety — but excitement?
“The moment when I realized that what I would have described as anxiety was excitement was huge for me. Because even calling it anxiety changes the relationship with it. It's something to stop doing.”
Reinterpreting physical sensations as energy — rather than threat — can turn overwhelm into motion.
6. Build a Creative Ecosystem
Liana also began thinking about wellbeing like professional athletes do: as a team effort.
“There's no athlete that goes to the Olympics that does not have a sports psychologist and a physio and a chef and because the machine is this integration it needs specialists.”
That might mean therapy, coaching, accountability partners, or simply the people who remind you to rest.
7. Let Rest Be an Act of Mastery
Creativity needs stillness. For Liana, that looked like allowing emptiness — even boredom — without guilt.
“I was absolutely an empty vessel. There was no guilt because there was no energy for guilt. There was no shame because there was no energy for shame. Like, right. I was just empty.”
This is her glass of water philosophy:
“You know no one's gonna say how dare you have a glass of water. Why are you getting up to get a glass of water? What? You are gonna fail. Sometimes my glass of water is antiques roadshow.”
Creative fatigue, burnout, apathy — these aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signals. Your body is trying to tell you something.
When you stop trying to perform consistency and start listening to those signals, you create space for something far more powerful than productivity: self-trust.
And maybe, what looks like burnout is actually your creativity asking for a different kind of rhythm — one that includes silence and conversation, slow design and sparks of engagement.
If you want to explore these ideas further, listen to my conversation with Liana on the podcast A Thought I Kept.
Need some support as you navigate life’s ups and downs, explore our 1:1 coaching sessions.
Are You Giving All Your Attention to Negative Emotions?
Discover how to balance emotional depth with lightness. Learn from Amanda’s story and explore emotion coaching tools to feel more resourced every day.
When Amanda Sheeren (co-founder of If Lost, Start Here) joined me on A Thought I Kept, she brought a thought that had stayed with her for years:
“Even in the darkness, there is light.”
It sounds simple but it came from a place of burnout, emotional overwhelm, and the quiet collapse that can happen when we believe we’re doing everything “right.”
In the episode, Amanda shares a moment from early motherhood: two small kids, no sleep, therapy for the first time. She described showing up to those sessions thinking she’d be praised for being emotionally attuned. “I was validating every feeling. I was letting my kids be sad, be mad, feel all the things.”
But then her therapist asked her something that stopped her in her tracks:
“Is it possible that you're giving all your attention to negative emotions?”
That was the pivot point.
When Feeling Deeply Becomes Feeling Stuck
If you’ve ever been told to feel your feelings — and taken that advice seriously — you may know this space. You learn that sadness, anger, and frustration are valid. You work hard not to bypass or brush past what’s hard.
But here’s the catch: when we spend all our energy in the shadow emotions, we can forget to make space for joy, hope, and light. And those emotions need practice too.
In emotion coaching, we talk a lot about awareness, validation, and regulation. But there's a step people often miss:
Attention. Where are you placing it? What emotions are getting airtime?
Validating sadness is powerful. But so is dancing in the kitchen. So is naming a moment of peace, or laughing at the squirrel outside your window — something Amanda shares in the episode that shifted how she related to joy.
Emotions are not just there to be survived. They're part of what makes life meaningful — all of them.
What Are You Practicing
In the episode, Amanda reflects on how her own attention began to shift. Not through gratitude lists or forced positivity, but through tiny joys. A squirrel doing something weird. A rainbow on a grey day. The “glimmers,” as some researchers call them.
And with time, those small practices started to grow into something more sustainable — a full-spectrum emotional life, not just a deep one.
Interested in Emotion Coaching?
We offer 1:1 emotion coaching sessions for people wanting to better understand their emotions — parents, creatives, leaders, those who feel a lot and want to feel more resourced doing it.
Explore our coaching offers here
How Heiter Moments Can Help Us Recover from Burnout
What if burnout recovery didn’t require a life overhaul, but a return to the smallest joys? Katharina Geissler-Evans, founder of lifestyle brand heiter, shares how small daily rituals helped her reclaim her sense of self.
When Katharina Geissler-Evans first hit burnout, she was in her twenties, commuting long hours, studying full-time, and working alongside it all. “I was constantly on the go and never thought about myself,” she says. “That’s when I crashed.”
“ “I couldn’t work anymore from one day to the next. There was a chance I would fail my course. And all I did was cry.””
In the depth of it, Katharina hoped someone else might help her out of it. But one evening — collapsed on the bathroom floor — something shifted when she realized that she was the only one who could look after herself.
Katharina didn’t know the full shape of her recovery yet. But she started with seeking out the things that she used to enjoy prior to driving herself into a hole of work and study.
What Burnout Can Teach Us
Burnout so often comes when we’ve overextended ourselves. When we’ve said yes to too much. When the doing has crowded out the being.
Katharina realised she needed to get back in touch with the version of herself before it all became too much.
“I had to find Kiki again. The version of me before the stress.”
That meant reconnecting with the person who liked sitting in a café with a book, or going for a walk, or making something with her hands. Katharina began with those tiny gestures: coffee, walks, candlelight, creativity. Just really small things that she knew she was capable of at that point. And from those small things, she built something beautiful — not just for herself, but for others too.
Heiter: Small Joys We Can Return To
The German word heiter translates to light-hearted, cheerful, serene — but Katharina has reimagined it as something deeper. Something more intentional.
For Katharina, heiter isn’t about perfection. It’s not the glossy kind of joy. It’s about the joy found in everyday life — the quiet, steady kind. The kind you can build a life around.
It was through this lens that her lifestyle brand and independent magazine heiter was born. And even now, 10 years in, that original spark — the idea that we can choose to create joy, even in hard times — is still at the heart of her work.
There’s something radical about choosing joy when we’re overwhelmed. About stepping away from the pressure to keep going, and instead choosing to pause.
Katharina still grounds herself in everyday practices, her non-negotiables whether that’s a gratitude ritual with her children at bedtime or a morning cup of coffee, fully savoured. Things that already make a massive difference in her life. Because burnout recovery doesn’t always look like doing less. Sometimes it looks like doing differently.
The Invitation of Heiter
As we head into darker months, many of us feel that familiar sense of depletion. But what if, like Katharina, we could meet it with softness?
“Figure out what you love at this time of year,” she suggests. “For me, it’s pumpkin soup, lighting candles, making comfort food my granny used to make. These moments matter.”
Heiter isn’t a prescription — it’s a permission. A permission to reconnect with your own joys. To remember what restores you. And to begin, again, from there.
Take one small heiter moment this week — a walk, a warm drink, a candle, a laugh with someone you love. Could that help slowly bring you back to yourself.
And if this conversation resonates, listen to the full podcast episode with Katharina Geissler-Evans wherever you get your podcasts.
Or read the extended conversation over on our Substack at More Good Days.
Why Feeling Your Emotions Can Be So Terrifying and What to Do About It
Feeling emotionally overwhelmed or exhausted? Learn why your nervous system sees everyday stress as danger, and how to safely reconnect with your feelings using body-based tools and soft, supportive practices.
Have you ever felt like the tiniest thing , an unexpected email, a message left on read, a look, a tone, a bill, sends your whole system into overdrive?
In this week’s podcast episode, I spoke to massage therapist and bodyworker Carrie Ekins about emotional overwhelm, emotional exhaustion, and how to begin feeling safe enough to feel our feelings, even when it feels absolutely terrifying.
Carrie shared a thought that changed everything for her:
“Everything is a saber-toothed tiger.”
It sounds playful, but it's a serious insight. Because for many of us, our nervous systems are constantly interpreting life’s daily stresses as if our actual survival is under threat. The primitive parts of our brain haven’t evolved fast enough to know the difference between a demanding boss and a predator in the wild.
So instead of processing an email or a conversation, our bodies kick into survival mode — fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Over and over. Day after day.
And what gets missed? The essential third part of the stress cycle: processing.
The Truth About Emotional Overwhelm
So many of us are living in a constant state of emotional hyper-vigilance. And the more we try to push through, the more disconnected we become, from our bodies, from our feelings, from ourselves.
As Carrie so beautifully put it:
“… I have to learn how to feel my emotions, even though that is absolutely terrifying because nobody's given me the tools, no one has shown me how to walk this path, nobody has shown me how this feels. Why would you want to do that? That all just sounds like mortifyingly awful…”
And so, when emotions do start to rise, they feel unbearable. Too big. Too much. Too dangerous. Like saber-toothed tigers of the soul.
But the truth is, your feelings aren’t trying to hurt you. They’re trying to help you find your way, back into your body, back into your breath, back into your life.
What If You Didn’t Have to Be Afraid of Your Emotions?
Carrie talks about the power of simple practices that help us shift from stress and shutdown into softening and why softening is not weakness, but wisdom.
It’s not about going on a 10-day silent retreat or becoming someone you’re not. It’s about finding small, meaningful ways to reconnect with your body:
Placing a hand on your chest and simply breathing
Listening to the birdsong out an open window
Dancing in your kitchen or humming your favourite tune
Noticing the texture of the ground beneath your feet
These are what Carrie calls wellbeing anchors: tools that remind your body it’s safe to soften, to feel, to rest.
And from that place of safety, emotional overwhelm starts to ease. Emotional exhaustion starts to heal. The stories your body has been holding start to shift.
Softening Isn’t a Flaw — It’s a Superpower
There’s a story many of us carry that if we let go, if we soften, we’ll lose control. We won’t be prepared. We’ll get eaten alive by the saber-toothed tigers of our inbox, our timelines, our expectations.
But what if softness is what helps us survive?
What if being more in our bodies — in our breath, our senses, our full emotional range — is the very thing that keeps us rooted, resourceful, and resilient?
As Carrie said,
And when you have that moment, when you come back into your body and you can feel your feet on the ground and you can feel your hand on your chest, it's really magical because literally it's like everything opens up. Like your hearing becomes more accessible and your vision is clearer and brighter. And these are physiological changes because your stress has dropped, your cortisol has dropped and your body has instantly responded with allowing yourself to be more present and more there. And that's the beauty of just softening.
We’re All a Little Overwhelmed Right Now
If you’ve been feeling emotionally exhausted, like your nervous system is fried and you can’t stop bracing for the next disaster — you’re not “weird” and you’re certainly not failing. You’re responding the way any human would in a world that has asked far too much for far too long.
But there’s another way. One where you can start to feel your feelings without drowning in them. One where you don’t have to do it alone.
Listen to the full conversation with Carrie Ekins on Substack here, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. You’ll find that it’s a gentle, playful, radically human exploration of what it means to come back to yourself, one breath at a time.
And if you’re curious about exploring your own emotional life in a deeper, supported way, enquire about our 1:1 emotions coaching. It’s a safe, compassionate space to learn how to feel your feelings — and feel safe doing so.
Because your emotions aren’t saber-toothed tigers. They’re just messengers. And they might be waiting for you to listen to them.
How to Pay Attention (When the World Keeps Pulling You Away)
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, lost, or stuck in autopilot, explore how to reconnect with yourself through small, creative acts of attention. Learn how mindful noticing can support your emotional wellbeing in everyday life.
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, scattered, or a little bit lost lately, we’re with you.
This is an age of constant distraction — and for many of us, that means we’ve stopped paying attention. Not just to the world around us, but to ourselves.
We move through the day with noise in our ears, tabs open in our brains, and a quiet sense that something is missing — even if we can’t name what.
So what would it mean to really notice our lives again?
The Gift of Noticing
In a recent episode of my podcast, A Thought I Kept, I spoke with Andrea Rathborne — a storyteller and creative leader — about a memory from her early twenties that still lives vividly in her mind. It wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t loud. It was a simple, wordless exchange with an elderly woman in Greece, sitting on a stone step, snapping beans in the morning light.
There were no profound quotes. No life-changing advice. But that small, silent moment stitched itself into the fabric of Andrea’s life. She describes her memory as a kind of Morse code, made of dots and dashes — tiny gestures and longer scenes that, together, form her library of moments.
But this conversation made me think: what happens when we lose the ability to notice?
Distraction Is a Mental Health Issue
There’s growing research around attention as a form of wellbeing. When we’re constantly pulled between notifications, tasks, and worries, our brain stays in a reactive state — flooding our nervous system and draining our energy.
Distraction disconnects us, from ourselves, from others, from the present moment.
But when we pause long enough to really notice the light in the kitchen, the warmth of a shared task, the quiet rhythm of our breath, something shifts.
Paying attention does three powerful things:
Regulates the nervous system: Deep presence signals safety to the brain. It slows the stress response and brings us into calm.
Builds emotional resilience: When we’re present, we can process emotions as they arise — instead of stuffing them down or numbing out.
Reawakens connection: To beauty. To meaning. To other people. To ourselves. And that connection is the antidote to loneliness.
What Are We Even Paying Attention To?
That’s the other part of this, right? It’s not just about being mindful for the sake of it. It’s about what we’re turning toward. Noticing can be the very beginning of holding on.
Because when we pay attention, we don’t just see the world more clearly. We start to remember who we are.
So what’s worth noticing?
The texture of your day — not just the events, but how they feel
The people you love, and the way their voice sounds when they’re excited
The in-between moments— reading a beloved book, making tea, watching the rain
Your own thoughts — especially the positive ones you keep coming back to
These are the things that make up a life. And there’s value in noticing them.
5 Everyday Ways to Pay Attention (That Actually Feel Good)
You don’t need a 30-minute meditation practice or a digital detox to get started.
Here are a few gentle ways to return to presence today:
Choose one daily ritual to do without distraction. Drink your coffee without scrolling. Fold laundry while listening to yourself. Let one small thing become sacred.
Keep a Dot + Dash Journal. Inspired by Andrea’s Morse code metaphor, jot down: One dot: a fleeting moment that caught your attention. One dash: a longer memory or thought you want to hold onto. This builds your own “library of moments.”
Practice sensory noticing. What can you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch right now? Anchor yourself with one detail from each sense.
Look for everyday awe. Wonder is good for the nervous system. A tree against the sky, your child’s laugh, the smell of lavender. Notice something that makes you come alive, even a little.
Draw your day in five lines. Not an artist? Even better. Use five quick lines or shapes to represent how your day feels — not what happened, but what it felt like. A scribble. A curve. A burst. It’s a way to bypass the brain and check in through creativity.
If You’re Feeling Lost…
Start with your attention. Don’t try to solve everything at once. Just slow down enough to notice the moment you’re in.
Name one thing. Feel one breath. Stay with it for a beat longer than you normally would.
And maybe that becomes your first dot — the first piece of a new way of being. Not a perfect or polished one. But a path back to presence, and maybe even to yourself.
Want to Go Deeper?
You can listen to my full conversation with Andrea Rathborne on the podcast here:
Or join me over on Substack at More Good Days, where I share weekly reflections, prompts, and gentle reminders that life is made of tiny things, that are still yours to notice. .
Announcing our Autumn Program | Where Do You Go When You’re Not Sure What You Need?
Announcing our autumn Wellbeing Program for those moments when you’re feeling disconnected, emotionally overwhelmed, or unsure what’s next. Explore your life with us this season.
Maybe something has shifted, but you can’t quite name what. You’ve got too many browser tabs open — in your head, and on your laptop. You're doing all the right things, but they don’t feel quite right anymore.
Autumn has a way of stirring up questions we didn’t know we’d been carrying:
Do I still want this?
Why don’t I feel like myself?
What would feel like mine again?
You’re not quite in crisis, but you are feeling disorientated, and maybe longing for something that feels better than where you are right now.
That’s what we’ll be exploring together this season.
The Season for Turning Inwards
At If Lost Start Here, we hear a lot of stories that begin in this foggy middle place.
Like the woman who told us, “I haven’t connected with myself in months. I’m just in the mix of it all, not really in my life anymore.”
Or the client who shared, “I’ve got space now that my youngest is in school — but I don’t know what to do with it”
Or the midlife creative who sat with us and said, “I think I’m grieving a version of my life I never got to live. And also, I’m wondering what’s next.”
This time of year — as the light changes, the calendar flips, and the quiet gets a little louder — is when many of us begin to tune into these fundamental questions we might have about our lives. Wondering “what now?” and “what’s next?”.
A Way Back to Yourself (That Doesn’t Ask You to Do Even More)
This season, we’re not offering more pressure to transform. We’re offering a place to just explore where you are. A way for you to get to know what you really think and feel — just a little more consciously.
We’ve designed our Fall Wellbeing Programme as an invitation to find your way if you’re feeling just that little bit lost right now:
Lost & Found Sessions
Book a one-to-one online coaching sessions, designed for anyone feeling lost, disconnected, overwhelmed or simply curious. These provide the vital space to name what’s shifting and hear think yourself again. They are a great place to start.
The Wellery (on Substack)
A weekly-ish newsletter with thoughts on emotional wellbeing, curiosity, and creative living. It’s less about giving advice, but more about exploring how to do life together, with more thought and intention.
So Emotional: The Midlife Edition
Coming soon: a course and community for anyone navigating the emotional ups and downs of midlife. We'll share stories, tools, and insights that don’t minimise the messiness, or the possibility, of this period in our lives.
A Thought I Kept (Podcast)
Each week a guest share the single idea they haven’t let go of, when they might have all the rest. It’s perfect for anyone feeling overwhelmed by all the life advice out there.
Our Autumn Program is designed to help you look at your days a little differently. Noticing what feels out of rhythm. Following what brings energy instead of obligation.
We’ve worked with people who thought they needed a new job but actually needed to make space for creativity. With those who were looking for a plan but found their values instead. And with people who’d gone quiet on themselves for so long they forgot how to listen and were surprised by how quickly that voice returned.
Feeling lost is often just a sign that you’ve outgrown something.
Or that something inside you is ready to be heard.
Or that a new question is forming, even if you don’t have the words yet.
Whatever it is: you don’t need to figure it out alone, or all at once.
You just need somewhere to start.
Want to Come With Us?
We’re using this space — our journal — to share gentle prompts, real stories, and ideas for a more creative and conscious kind of wellbeing.
Here’s how you can explore more with us:
Subscribe to our newsletter — for more ways to well
Listen to A Thought I Kept — our wellbeing podcast about life’s most lasting ideas
Book a Lost & Found Session — if you need some support
Join the waitlist for So Emotional— if midlife is bringing things up for you
Visit us over on our Substack at More Good Days.
Or just explore our website for more guidance for everyday life.
Sometimes the most powerful move is noticing that you’re ready to begin.
We’re glad you’ve found us.
Creative Self-Care For When No-one is Watching
Feeling stuck or disconnected from yourself? Discover how creative self-care can restore emotional wellbeing — and why creativity might be exactly what you need during life transitions.
I used to think being creative meant having the right aesthetic. Saying the right things. Looking the part.
It was the '90s, and I wanted to be like Maggie O’Connell from Northern Exposure — all-black wardrobe, self-contained, mysterious. When I landed an internship at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, I leaned into that persona hard. Black turtlenecks, boots, cynicism. I belonged. Or at least, I looked like I did.
But the longer I stayed in the art world, the more disconnected I felt. I was writing gallery texts and walking through exhibitions before they opened, surrounded by creativity but somehow far away from it. I had become someone who performed creativity — without actually feeling it.
Then I remembered my mum and what real creativity looked like for her. My mum didn’t care about art-speak or curation. Her creativity was visceral, chaotic, healing. It was hers.
She made clocks, hundreds of them. Covered in sparkles, stars, pinks, purples. Scribbled on with felt-tip pens. For three years, she attended creative wellbeing sessions at our local town’s Art Room, a space a long way from sleek museums. Those mornings were her reset. Her way back to herself.
When she died, she left us the clocks. They’re in wardrobes, on bedroom walls — small reminders of making something just because you need to.
I didn't realise it then, but the idea of creativity was shifting for me too. I wasn’t calling it burnout at the time. I wasn’t saying I was “lost.” But things were shifting. I was tired. Flat. Uncertain. The things that used to light me up didn’t anymore. I kept pushing forward — working, parenting, managing but underneath, something was fraying.
That’s when I started to wonder if creativity could help me find my way back to myself too. Not the polished, performative kind, but the one you do when no one’s watching.
The Link Between Creativity and Wellbeing
What my mum knew instinctively, science now confirms: creative expression can be a powerful tool for wellbeing.
Even simple acts like doodling, journalling, taking photos, and collage can reduce stress, increase positive emotions, and help us feel more like ourselves. Studies in the field of positive psychology link creative practices to improved emotional regulation and resilience.
And the best part? You don’t have to be “creative” to benefit from creative self-care. You just have to make something. Or start.
5 Ways to Reconnect with Creativity During a Life Shift
If you’re in a season of change, burnout, overwhelm, or confusion — here are a few small ways to begin again:
Create something without a plan — a collage, a playlist, a scribble.
Take a creative walk — snap one photo every 5 minutes.
Try a “morning pages” style journal — three uncensored pages first thing.
Colour outside the lines — literally. Get all the pencils and get messier.
Find your kitchen-table creativity — the kind where you get to play.
The Wellery: A Space for Creative Self-Care and Collective Living
Inside The Wellery, our group space for curious, compassionate wellbeing, we’re currently exploring creative self-care as our theme.
Each quarter, we meet for a Co-Well: a group experience to anchor yourself with others through small, doable, reflective practices including creative ones.
If you’d like to explore what creativity might mean for your own version of wellbeing, you’re invited to join us.
Or subscribe here to follow this month’s theme.
Prefer Personal Support? Try a Wellbeing Prescription
If you’d rather explore this one-to-one, I offer Wellbeing Prescriptions: one-off, personalised sessions where we gently map out a plan that supports your energy, creativity, and wellbeing — based on where you are now.
Book your session here.
Make Something That Doesn’t Have to Mean Anything
You don’t need to wait until you feel inspired. Or healed. Or ready. Sometimes, the making is the way.
And in a season of life that feels uncertain, flat, or like you're standing in the hallway between who you were and who you're becoming — creating something just for you might be the most radical act of self-care there is.
“Is This How I Really Feel?” When Your Thoughts and Emotions Get Tangled
What to do when you’re not sure what you feel. We explore emotional confusion and how emotions coaching can help you understand what’s really going.
Ever found yourself suddenly spiralling? Maybe you’re in the middle of a simple conversation… or just walking to the shops… when suddenly something flares — anxiety, shame, guilt — and you don’t even know why.
And then the questioning begins:
Am I overreacting?
Why am I like this?
Is this a real feeling or just me being dramatic?
This is what’s called emotional confusion — and it’s one of the most common things I see as an emotions coach.
It’s also the heart of this week’s episode of A Thought I Kept, where I sit down with the brilliant Anya Pearse to explore the deceptively simple question:
“Am I feeling my thinking?”
How Thoughts Masquerade as Feelings
In our conversation, Anya describes a moment in her life with painful clarity. She’d just learned about the death of a parent she’d been estranged from for years. In the midst of the shock and grief, a surprising feeling surfaced: relief. But just as quickly, came the guilt.
Shouldn’t I be sadder? Was I a bad daughter? Is this what I’m really feeling… or what I’ve been told to feel?
That moment — when her body and mind started to spin in opposite directions — helped her realise something that’s stayed with her ever since: She wasn’t just feeling her feelings. She was feeling her thinking.
That phrase might sound odd at first. But sit with it for a moment. How often do we have an emotion because of a thought that may not even be true?
“They probably hate me.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ve messed everything up.”
We feel shame, fear, sadness — but those emotions are responses to thoughts. Not to what’s actually happening in the moment.
Emotional Confusion Is a Signal.
This is what emotional confusion often looks like in real life:
Feeling overwhelmed without knowing why
Spiralling into anxiety when nothing “big” has happened
Reacting strongly and then doubting yourself afterwards
Telling yourself you’re too much or not enough based on a feeling that doesn’t even feel like your own
And here’s what I’ve learnt: Your emotions are real. But they are not always true.
This doesn’t mean you can’t trust yourself — it means you get to build a better relationship with what your emotions are trying to tell you.
That’s essentially what emotions coaching is about. It’s not about judging or fixing your feelings. It’s about learning how to notice them, untangle them, and gently ask:
Is this mine? Is this now? Is this helpful?
A Different Way to Be With Yourself
If you’re someone who’s stuck in your head, or if you’re constantly trying to “figure out” how you feel before you feel it — this episode is for you.
If you’ve been hard on yourself for being too emotional (or not emotional enough), it’s for you too.
Because as Anya so beautifully says in our conversation:
“Just because there’s a thought in your head doesn’t mean it’s real. Doesn’t even mean it’s yours.”
This episode is an invitation to get a little distance from the noise, and return to the quiet knowing that’s underneath.
Listen to the episode: “Am I Feeling My Thinking?” with guest Anya Pearse
Click here to listen to the episode on Substack or search for A Thought I Kept on your favourite podcast app.
Want to Explore This More?
I work with clients 1:1 to help them:
Make sense of overwhelming or contradictory feelings
Recognise emotional spirals before they take over
Learn the difference between reaction and response
Get curious, not critical, with what they feel
Curious about emotions coaching? Learn more here.
Or start with this episode. It might be the beginning of something new.
What’s the Worst That Can Happen? Really.
How one brave thought can shift everything when you feel lost, anxious, or disconnected
We all have one thought we return to. A thought that holds us steady, that we whisper to ourselves at crossroads or in quiet moments of doubt. For Emma Simpson — wild swimmer, author, mother, and my guest on this week’s episode of A Thought I Kept — that thought is:
“What’s the worst that can happen?”
It sounds simple. Even flippant. But for Emma, this thought has been a guide — first through trauma and grief, then through healing, change, and courage.
What began as a phrase loaded with anxiety slowly became something else: a spark of freedom, a tiny rebellion, a way to say yes to the wild, unpredictable mess of life.
In our conversation, we talk about the fear that underpins so many of our decisions. The kind of fear that keeps us small, silent, stuck. We explore what it means to let fear sit beside you instead of driving the car. We talk about grief, bravery, the emotional labour of friendship, and the quiet, daily choices that shape a life.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, unsure, anxious or flat, this podcast episode might just be the first small step (or a shift in direction or a sentence to hold onto) that you need.
From Fear to Freedom — What Shifts?
When we’re anxious or lost, our inner voice often says things like:
What if I get it wrong?
What if I fail?
What if people judge me?
What if I can’t cope?
That fear can feel so familiar it almost becomes comforting — a twisted safety net of at least I’m not risking anything. But, as Emma shares, fear doesn’t always need to be a stop sign. It can also be a jumping off point.
Because what if you changed the tone of the question?
Instead of fear, what if “what’s the worst that can happen?” came with a shoulder shrug, a grin, a let’s see energy?
So that it becomes not about recklessness, but more recognising that:
Fear doesn’t always mean danger.
You can survive discomfort.
You might even discover something better.
The Trial-and-Error Practice of Facing Fear
One of the most powerful parts of Emma’s story is how she’s come to face fear curiously — not through huge declarations or dramatic overhauls, but through presence and practice.
When she quit her job in aviation after 20 years, trained as a coach, and became a full-time writer, she didn’t do it all at once. It happened over time. Through grief. Through healing. Through honest questions like:
What am I afraid of, really?
What am I protecting myself from?
What’s on the other side of this fear?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious right now, you don’t need to do anything drastic. But you might try asking yourself:
What’s one small thing I could try today… even if I’m scared?
That one thing might be sending a message, signing up for something, going for a swim, or starting a conversation. You don’t need to feel ready. You just need to feel curious.
Emotional Energy is a Real Thing
We often talk about time and energy like they’re the same thing. But they’re not. Emotional energy is its own resource — and it can be quietly, completely draining when we’re holding too much.
Emma shared how she made the difficult decision to stop coaching — not because she didn’t love it, but because it took up emotional energy she needed to keep for herself, her daughters, and her writing.
If you’ve been feeling unusually tired, flat, or irritable — ask yourself:
Where is my emotional energy going right now?
What replenishes me?
What depletes me?
You Might Just Make a Friend
Loneliness is one of the most common themes I hear in my work — and one of the most painful to talk about. We tell ourselves we should be fine. We should have more friends by now. We shouldn’t need connection this much.
But we do. We all do.
In the episode, Emma and I talk about the challenge of making friends as adults. The awkwardness. The vulnerability. The real fear of rejection.
And yet — one of the simplest, most powerful reframes she offers is this:
“What’s the worst that can happen? You might just make a friend.”
Listen to the Full Episode:
Transforming Fear into Adventure: A Conversation with Emma Simpson
Or search for A Thought I Kept wherever you get your podcasts.
A Thought I Kept is a wellbeing podcast for anyone feeling lost, anxious or stuck and who is searching for ideas to better navigate everyday life.
Self-Reflection Prompts to Take This Further:
If you're feeling disconnected or unsure, here are three journal prompts to gently explore:
1. Where does fear show up most in my life right now?
2. What have I survived that once felt unsurvivable?
3. What might be waiting on the other side of “what’s the worst that can happen?
If You’re in a Wobbly Place Right Now...
Just know that…
You are resilient, even when you don’t feel it.
You don’t need to fix everything. Just stay in motion.
One small, brave thought can change everything.
You don’t have to leap. You just have to look up and say, “Maybe…”
A Different Way to Well: Reimagining Wellness Without the Rules
What if wellness wasn’t about doing more, but about doing what feels good?
We’re overwhelmed with advice about how to live well.
Drink less. Eat more fibre. Get better sleep. Lift heavy. Walk outside. Meditate. Journal. Cold plunge. Biohack.
If you’ve ever felt like wellness has become a never-ending to-do list, you’re not alone.
That’s exactly where we began in the latest episode of A Thought I Kept — in a conversation with the journalist, author, and Substack writer Rosamund Dean. And what unfolded was a candid, open reframe on how we might give ourselves permission to do wellbeing differently?
Wellness Without the Pressure
Rosamund and I both come from backgrounds where “wellness” was something we didn’t feel part of. The green juice crowd. The sanctimonious language. The quiet implication that if you weren’t waking at 5am to train and sip mushroom coffee, you were failing.
But what stood out in our conversation — and what I’ve been thinking about ever since — was this idea of choice.
For Rosamund, that shift began not with a life overhaul, but a single comment overheard at a sobriety conference:
““The only thing I’ve given up is hangovers.””
That offhand remark reframed everything. It wasn’t about giving something up. It was about getting something back — joy, clarity, energy, connection.
And that opened the door to a very different kind of wellbeing. One that asks:
What makes me feel like me?
What am I ready to reclaim?
What am I tired of pretending to enjoy?
The Wellness Fatigue Is Real
We talked about that too — how the shoulds are so loud right now.
We should sleep better.
We should go alcohol-free.
We should wild swim, eat kale, and somehow find joy in weighted lunges.
And the truth is: many of us want to live better, but we’re also exhausted by the sameness of it all.
Rosamund put it beautifully: that it’s not the what anymore — it’s the how that we need.
So What Is a Different Way to Well?
Here’s what emerged from our chat — and what I hope will land with you today:
1. Start with Joy, Not Judgment
Let go of the wellness rules you don’t connect with. If you hate mushrooms, don’t eat them. If wild swimming fills you with dread, skip it. There are other ways.
2. See Wellbeing as a Practice, Not a Fix
You don’t have to become a non-drinker or a 5am person overnight. Ask instead: “What would it be like if I tried this today?”
3. Make It Social
Walking with friends. Cooking with kids. Chatting over kombucha. These are valid, vibrant acts of wellness.
4. Expand the Definition
Wellbeing isn’t just nutrition and movement. It’s awe. Laughter. Rest. Boundaries. It’s knowing yourself enough to ask what you actually need today.
This Isn’t About Perfection. It’s About Permission.
It’s about remembering that your version of “well” can look very different from anyone else’s. That taking care of yourself doesn’t have to mean subscribing to a whole new identity.
Maybe it means:
Drinking less because you want to feel sharper in the morning.
Strength training because you’re curious about feeling strong.
Going to bed earlier — not to optimise yourself — but because you’re tired.
Or maybe it means going out with friends, eating pizza, and laughing for hours. That counts too.
Want More?
This conversation with Rosamund Dean was full of honest insights, hard-earned learnings, and laugh-out-loud moments about mushroom coffee and kale guilt.
Listen to the full episode of A Thought I Kept here or search for it wherever you get your podcasts.
If wellness has felt a bit meh lately — this one’s for you.
Some questions to leave you with:
What part of wellness feels most alive for you right now?
What are you tired of pretending to like?
What’s your different way to well?
When Change Feels Like Too Much (or Not Enough)
A note for anyone feeling a little lost, a little tired, or quietly done with being told to “just push through.”
Change has become a bit of a cultural obsession. We’re told to embrace it, manifest it, optimize it, and if nothing else, get ahead of it. But what if you’re not ready for change?
What if you don’t even know where to begin — or worse, you’re so tired that even thinking about beginning feels like too much?
What if your to-do list is buried under feelings you can’t quite name, and change feels like another thing you're supposed to “achieve”?
Change can be powerful, but a lot of the time, it just feels hard.
It can feel like you’re supposed to reinvent your life, quit your job, start journaling, meditate, heal your nervous system, launch something meaningful, and find inner peace… all before breakfast.
In this week’s episode of A Thought I Kept, I spoke with Eleanor Tweddell — author of Another Door Opens and someone who has spent years thinking about how we navigate the murky middle of change.
Not the TED Talk version. The real version. The one where you feel uncertain, messy, and nothing is falling neatly into place.
And we kept circling back to one idea that feels worth offering here:
You don’t have to make change happen.
Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is make space for it.
So what do you do when you feel…lost?
When you’re feeling lost, it’s tempting to look for a map. A mentor. A checklist.
But when you’ve lost your sense of direction, what you often need most is stillness, not movement.
Try this:
Sit with the question: “What do I know to be true about me today?” Even if the answer is small. Even if it’s “I’m tired,” or “I love my morning coffee.”
Take the pressure off needing big answers. Instead, track what gives you a spark of energy or a softening in your body. These are breadcrumbs that you can tentatively start to follow.
We don’t often start with clarity. Sometimes we arrive with better questions — and that’s enough.
What to do when you feel…burned out
When you’re burned out, everything feels like another task — even things that are meant to help you.
But change doesn’t have to be action. Sometimes, the bravest, most radical thing you can do is nothing.
Instead of asking: “What should I do next?”
Try asking: “What would it look like to stop trying so hard today?”
Then let yourself off the hook — completely.
Ideas to try:
Take a tech-free walk with no goal.
Cancel something that doesn’t matter as much as your wellbeing.
Let your brain idle — yes, even with a box set or a nap.
As Eleanor shared, the most productive thing she did on the launch day of her book was make coffee and sit in the sun. That was enough.
What to do when you feel…overwhelmed
Overwhelm is often less about how much we have to do, and more about how much we’re holding in our heads and hearts without release.
Your nervous system doesn’t need another productivity hack.
It needs a moment of exhale.
Try this 3-step reset:
Name it: “I feel overwhelmed because…”
List it: Brain-dump everything that’s buzzing in your mind. No filtering.
Choose ONE: What’s one thing you could do today that would make you feel 5% more in control?
And if even that’s too much?
You’re allowed to press pause. You’re allowed to say “not today” to change.
Sometimes, the most generous act is letting go of urgency.
What to do when you feel… disconnected
When we’re disconnected, it can feel like we’re moving through life on autopilot.
We say yes when we want to say no. We scroll instead of feeling. We forget what brings us joy.
This is where a values check-in can bring you back to yourself.
Ask: What actually matters to me right now — not what used to, not what “should”? Where in my life am I living out of alignment with that?
You don’t need to overhaul everything. Just start by noticing.
If you’re a Wellery Member, you’ll find our full Values Check-In exercise here
And if that’s too much today?
Do one small thing that feels like you — not your “best” self, not your productive self, just your real self.
Maybe that’s:
Cooking a meal you love, just for you
Putting on music and dancing in the kitchen
Saying no to something you don’t want to do
The first step doesn’t have to bring clarity. Sometimes it’s more about connection. And that often starts with listening inward again.
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just in it.
Navigating change isn’t about always knowing the next step.
Sometimes, it’s about standing still long enough to hear yourself think.
And in this week’s episode, Eleanor Tweddell makes the case for something both radical and restorative:
“Always hold space for magic. ”
Even when you’re tired. Even when you’re uncertain. Even when you don’t believe in it yet.
Because sometimes, what’s next arrives when you stop trying so hard to find it.
Listen to the full episode:
If you’ve ever felt like the idea of change is just too much, you’re not alone.
In our 1:1 sessions and The Wellery community, we see this again and again:
Some people are stuck in jobs that no longer feel right, but can’t imagine where else to go.
Some are depleted from caring for others and don’t know how to care for themselves.
Others are done with self-development and just want to feel like themselves again.
So instead of forcing clarity or making a five-year plan, here’s a better question:
What if you’re not utterly lost — just in a moment of in-between?
And what if that space could be a beginning, not a failure?
Want more thoughtful support that fits with your real-life?
Join The Wellery for deeper reflections, journaling prompts, and tools to help you stay connected to yourself while navigating change.
Feeling Disconnected? Here’s a Gentle Way to Reconnect With Yourself
Feeling overwhelmed, untethered or emotionally stuck? Today we’re sharing one simple, powerful way to reconnect with yourself — and why slowing down might be the best next step.
What if you didn’t need fixing?
It’s easy to believe we’re supposed to have ourselves sorted by now — that we should already know what we need, how to feel better, and how to move through our days without faltering. But what if the real work wasn’t in fixing or figuring it all out? What if it was something quieter?
In this week’s episode of A Thought I Kept, I spoke with therapist Sarah Rees about the idea that’s stayed with her over the years:
““The most important relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves.””
The Tools We Think We Need
It’s tempting to rush to tools, techniques, productivity hacks, or another podcast episode that promises to fix whatever feels off. Sarah shared how, early in her training, she felt the same pull: to reach outside of herself for answers — to search for the next solution, the next strategy.
But the turning point came when she learned that compassion isn’t about quick fixes. It begins with turning toward ourselves. It’s about recognising that we’re already carrying a lot — and that maybe, just maybe, we don’t need to add more.
Why It’s Hard to Slow Down
So many of us are doing our best in lives that are full to the brim. Slowing down sounds lovely in theory — but in reality, it can feel uncomfortable. Almost unfamiliar.
We might not even realise we’re bypassing our own needs until something forces us to stop. Sarah put it beautifully:
““I work with lots of people who’ve lost the cues of hunger and thirst — they even forget to go to the toilet because they’re so out of touch with themselves.””
We’re living at a pace that often disconnects us from the simplest things — not just our feelings, but our bodies too.
A Small, Everyday Shift
So what do we do instead?
We slow things down.
We check in.
Not in a capital-S Self-Care way, but in the quiet way you might check in on a friend. Gently. Without judgement.
It might look like:
Setting a tiny reminder on your phone to pause.
Noticing how your body feels while waiting for the kettle to boil.
Asking: “What do I need right now?” — and really listening to the answer.
Journaling just one line a day to notice what’s going on beneath the surface.
These moments — these white spaces — become places where we reconnect with ourselves. Where we don’t have to be productive or polished or perfect. We just have to be.
It’s Not About Doing More
Here’s the thing: the goal isn’t to get better at wellbeing. It’s not another thing to add to your list.
It’s about making space to meet yourself again, in a world that constantly pulls your attention elsewhere.
Maybe that starts with checking in. Maybe it means resting when you thought you should be pushing. Maybe it’s reminding yourself that your emotional life doesn’t need to be neat and tidy.
If You’re Feeling a Bit Lost
This episode is for you if you’re feeling overwhelmed, unsure, or just… a little out of sync with yourself.
And if you want to explore this more — in a grounded, everyday way — we offer 1:1 coaching sessions designed to help you get back in touch with yourself.
Explore how our coaching sessions can support you
(Or get in touch if you’re not quite sure what you need yet — we’ll figure it out together.)
When was the last time you asked yourself, “What do I really need right now?”
What Happens When You Stop Optimising and Start Moving Gently?
A wellbeing experiment in mind-body connection, Qigong, and the search for energy that stays.
Have you ever felt like your energy disappears the moment you need it most?
Maybe you’ve hit a season of life (midlife, motherhood, burnout, the unnameable fog) where your mind and body no longer feel like they’re on speaking terms. You’ve tried the morning routines, the wellness hacks, the meditation apps. But somehow, you still feel off — unanchored, disconnected, lost.
Today I wanted to share one small experiment that helped me find a way back.
Living Wellishly, Not Perfectly
Back in May, I started A Year of Living Wellish-ly, a set of micro wellbeing experiments designed not to improve me, but to reconnect back in with myself, others and the world around me.
I wasn’t looking to become a better version of myself. I just wanted to feel more like myself again — to restore the link between my mind, body, and what makes life feel good. This wasn’t about glowing skin or green juice. It was about remembering who I was when I wasn’t rushing, striving, or performing.
And it worked. For a while.
Then life did what it always does: got full. Work deadlines stacked up, school year chaos kicked in, and work on my podcast began with ten interviews recorded in one month. Slowly, my wellbeing practices drifted to the edge. What returned was fatigue, self-doubt, and a sort of body-fog where energy used to be.
How the Mind-Body Connection Works (and Why It’s Easy to Forget)
Our culture tends to separate the body and the mind, even though research tells a very different story. In fact, studies show that our mental wellbeing is inextricably linked to physical movement, breath, posture, and even how we stand in space.
The research tells us this:
Moving your body in gentle, intentional ways reduces anxiety by lowering cortisol and regulating the nervous system.
Practices like Qigong, yoga, and Tai Chi stimulate the vagus nerve, improving your heart rate variability — a key marker of emotional resilience.
A 2022 systematic review and meta-analysis published in Frontiers in Psychology titled "Effects of Qigong Exercise on the Physical and Mental Health of College Students" found that Qigong exercise significantly reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety in college students.
And here’s something else science confirms: You don’t need high-intensity workouts or perfect form to feel better. Just starting—even slowly, even awkwardly—can be enough to begin rewiring your nervous system for calm, presence, and energy that lasts.
The Experiment: Qigong in a Sprint-lit Hall with Strangers
So when spring had rolled in with that fresh-start energy, I didn’t go back to the gym. I went to Qigong.
The class was held in a community hall. I was the youngest by at least ten years. Someone offered me a chair.
Our teacher, a calm and commanding German woman, opened the session with Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese — a poem that felt like permission.
Then we moved. Slowly. Deliberately. Breathing with intention. Stroking our arms. Holding our hands out as if to welcome something. And for a few minutes, I didn’t feel lost. I felt here.
I didn’t optimise. I didn’t hustle. I just allowed myself to feel. And what I felt was… present, even radiant. Like a little bit of my light had come back.
What I Learned About Reconnecting Through Movement
This class felt like a quiet homecoming.
Qigong invited me to meet myself where I was — tired, a little cynical, hopeful despite everything. And that soft meeting helped me realise:
I don’t need to “get fit” to start.
I don’t need to understand it fully to feel the benefits.
Movement isn’t about discipline — it’s about relationship.
And when I treat my body kindly, my mind follows.
What To Do If You’re Feeling Lost, Disconnected or Overwhelmed
If you’re reading this and thinking, “That sounds nice, but I could never…” — let me offer this:
You don’t need a fancy studio, or matching leggings, or a full hour.
You could try:
A 10-minute walk without your phone
Standing barefoot in your garden and taking five slow breaths
A YouTube Qigong video
Dancing to one song in your kitchen
Stretching your arms as you make tea, and simply noticing how it feels
These are not fixes. They are invitations. And if you follow them gently, they might just lead you back to the body you call home.
From Crashed to Connected (and What’s Next)
Though I’ve moved on to the next phase of Living Wellish-ly — creativity, more on that soon — I’m carrying a few things with me:
A community sauna I want to return to
A Nordic walking group I’m curious about
A commitment to listen to what my energy needs, not just what my to-do list says
A quieter conversation between my body and mind
If you’re curious about the mind-body connection, or wondering what your version of wellbeing might look like — here’s your invitation:
Create your own mini month of movement experiments.
Let it be playful, soft, silly even.
Try Qigong or something else that surprises you.
Don’t worry about doing it right. Just do it gently.
And if you want a companion for the path, you can find my collection of mind-body reflections here.
Because you don’t have to be good.
You just have to begin.
When You Think You Need to Know More… But Really Just Need to Begin
When you're feeling lost or stuck, it's tempting to keep learning more. But what if all that knowledge is just a very clever way to avoid starting? Here's how to notice—and gently shift.
We get it. When you're feeling lost, the world starts to look like one big advice column.
Buy this book.
Sign up for that course.
Follow this expert.
Click here, scroll there.
And you? You’re trying to find your way. So you do what you’ve always done: you gather. You research. You prepare.
You stack up ideas like blankets to keep out the cold.
It feels useful. Smart, even. You're learning, right?
But here’s the thing: sometimes the impulse to “know more” isn’t clarity-seeking. Sometimes it’s a very well-disguised form of procrastination.
When Ideas Keep Us Safe (But Still Stuck)
We recently spoke to Emma Lightfoot on our podcast A Thought I Kept, and she shared something that stopped us in our tracks. A friend had gently pointed out that when Emma gets a new idea, she doesn’t immediately start it—she starts learning about it. Endlessly. Widely. Sideways.
Sound familiar?
It’s a common habit, especially for people who care deeply. Who want to get it right. Who fear failure (or being seen as someone who hasn’t got it all together).
Emma called it “learning sideways.” It gave her the comfort of movement, without the risk of failure. And we’ve all done it. Bought the book instead of opening the journal. Signed up for the challenge instead of going for the walk. Listened to another podcast on boundaries instead of actually saying no.
Awareness, Not Shame
Let’s be clear though: we love ideas. Everyday we explore what learning, growth and guidance can look like. We create courses, coach clients, share resources. But we design them with this reality in mind. That people like you might already be overwhelmed. That you don’t need another guru. That you might just need a little spark that helps you begin—right where you are.
So this isn’t a post about stopping learning.
It’s a post about noticing when you’re gathering as a form of safety… and gently asking yourself:
Am I preparing? Or am I avoiding?
What might happen if I just began?
What do I already know that I can trust?
What If You Trusted Yourself?
Emma made a pledge for 2025: no more buying books or courses on self-help. Instead, she wrote herself a list of 25 small things to do this year. She made a mini-zine as a daily reminder. And she started moving forwards—not perfectly, but consistently.
Not because she doesn’t believe in learning. But because she believes in herself now, too.
That’s something we wish more of us were taught.
That wellbeing isn’t something you acquire—it’s something you tend to.
That starting imperfectly is often more powerful than preparing forever.
That sometimes the next best step isn’t another social media scroll, course or quote—it’s a cup of tea, a deep breath, and the first 10 minutes of actually doing the thing.
A Thought to Keep
If you’re waiting to feel ready… maybe ready is a myth.
Start where you are. Begin anyway.
Write the first line. Go for the walk. Cook the simple meal.
Be in motion—imperfectly, bravely, beautifully.
You can always return to the resources later (we’ve got some good ones for when you’re ready).
But maybe the knowing you need isn’t out there.
Maybe it’s already inside you.
You can listen to this episode on Substack or wherever you get your episodes.
Feeling All the Feelings: Your Emotional Reset for September
This season can bring pressure, excitement and reflection — all at once. Discover five emotional “buckets” to help you name what you're feeling, and three ideas to help you move forward with care.
This time of year brings a lot.
Let’s be honest: September can feel like a second January — but with more admin, more emotional weight, and more packed lunches.
There’s the back-to-school energy, even if school was decades ago. There’s the quiet ache of summer’s end and the creeping sense of time speeding up again. There’s planning. There’s pressure. And then there’s everything else happening in the world that doesn’t pause just because the new school year has started.
It can be a lot. And in our experience — it’s not just you. If you’re feeling a bit wobbly, untethered, wired, hopeful, or uncertain, you’re in good company.
The 5 “emotional buckets” of September
Sometimes it helps to name what we’re feeling. So here’s how we’ve been sorting ours:
The Back-to-School Feelings
New shoes, sharpened pencils, and… unexpected anxiety. Even if you’re not the one in the classroom, the energy of this time is palpable.
Will I make new friends?
Did I get it all that preparation “right”?
Is it OK to be excited for a quiet coffee alone?
The End-of-Summer Feelings
That soft sadness of saying goodbye to sandals and sunlight. The curiosity about jumper season. The unspoken dread of tights. The wistfulness that comes when leaves start to turn and you’re not quite ready to let go.
The New-Energy-of-September Feelings
This moment has its own kind of spark. There’s something quietly energising about fresh notebooks, new planners and the idea of small resets. We’re flirting with new classes. Reconnecting with good habits. Getting gently curious about what’s next.
The Almost-the-End-of-the-Year Feelings
Wait — how is it nearly the end of the year?
Are we where we thought we’d be?
Is there still time for something more?
What happens to the dreams from January that are still waiting patiently?
The Being-in-This-World Feelings
The beauty and the burn of just life. The memes that save us and the headlines that break us. The reality that even as we plan our week, we’re still holding grief, uncertainty, frustration, hope — often all at once.
So what can we do with all these feelings?
The goal isn’t to tidy them away. (You don’t need to get all your emotions “sorted” by Monday.)
But you can offer yourself a little more space, and a little more care, in how you hold them.
Here are three gentle ways to work with whatever’s coming up:
1. Name what’s here
Try writing your own version of these emotional buckets. (Or draw them. Or voice-note them.) Naming your emotions helps your nervous system regulate and allows you to meet yourself with compassion.
2. Pick one area to reset
You don’t have to overhaul your life — but is there one small thing you’d like to come back to? A walk before work? Five minutes of journaling? Saying no to one thing that drains you? September loves a small, thoughtful something.
3. Talk it through
You don’t have to carry it all alone. Whether that’s a friend, a walk-and-talk, a therapist or a coach — speaking things aloud can help you feel less tangled and more clear.
However you feel — it’s valid.
You’re allowed to feel uncertain.
You’re allowed to feel hopeful.
You’re allowed to feel all of it — even if it doesn’t make sense.
And if this moment feels like a bit too much, we want you to know this: it’s OK. You don’t need to be ready, or productive, or totally “back.” You just need to be here. Start where you are.
Need a space to explore your next step?
Our coaching sessions are designed to meet you right in the middle of it all — whether you’re feeling stuck, curious, hopeful, or a mix of everything.
If you’re ready to feel a little clearer or more anchored this season, have a look at our coaching options. We’d love to meet you there.
On Shopfronts, Stories and Small Joys: Why Your Town Needs You to Wander It
From blue moon ice cream to poetry prescriptions, Explorer Days connect us to what’s quietly slipping away.
While 11,341 independent shops closed their doors in the UK last year, I opened a few dozen.
Not mine—but the doors that held others’ dreams behind them.
Each time I stepped into a refill shop, an artist-run gallery, or a corner café with toast and conversation, I reminded myself: the high street is still alive.
It just needs us to notice it again.
I’ve come to see this not as nostalgia for what once was but rather as attention to what’s still here.
When I was little, my Saturdays weren’t for team sports or shopping centres. They were for going somewhere. My dad, a wholesaler delivering to small businesses, would bring me along. I’d carry a box or two and be ushered behind the counter, past the curtain, to a back room full of cardboard crates. A stool would be found. A mug of tea would be poured. And I’d sit amongst the apples and pears, offered toast, while my dad made deliveries and traded stories.
Back then, it didn’t occur to me that I was learning something. That these places—these independents—were the scaffolding of community.
But when my mum died, it became heartbreakingly clear. The same shopkeepers she’d spoken to every week for decades came to the funeral. One closed for the day. One wept on the doorstep as the hearse passed. Others filled the church pews. And in the months after, they were the ones who kept calling my dad—not for orders, but to ask how he was.
I think about that a lot now.
We talk so much about “community,” but we forget how often it begins in these small transactions. The ones where someone remembers your name. Where you don’t need an app. Where you're seen.
I’ve been annotating Explorer Days for years now—curiousity-driven visits to nearby towns with a loose plan, a bit of research, and a lot of openness. But more and more, those lists aren’t just growing. They’re shrinking too.
Places I’ve visited, loved, written down… are now gone. A paper shop here. A gallery there. A café I meant to return to.
The Centre for Retail Research found that in 2024, 45.5% more independents closed than the year before. We’re not just losing businesses. We’re losing the people-shaped worlds they create. The social glue. The soft edges of our worlds. The stories.
But here’s what I’ve also noticed: something else is emerging.
Where one thing disappears, something unexpected might take its place. A community sauna. A poetry pharmacy. A therapy room above a florist. In one town I found a shop that sold monster supplies by day and ran a children’s literacy programme by night. In another, a magazine store that felt like a museum. In another still, a bookshop that stocked only poems
You don’t stumble upon these in the same way while shopping online.
Explorer Days aren’t about escape. They’re about attention
They're how I practice wellbeing when I don’t know where else to start.
When I’ve been indoors too long, when I’ve felt out of step or out of touch, when my inner restlessness needs something gentle and grounding… I take a train. I wander a high street. I go somewhere I haven’t been before.
There’s often a pattern: An independent café. A bakery. A creative space. A bookshop
Something small yet still wonderful
I write down the name of the shop in the book I buy, so when I finally pull it from the shelf months later, I remember where I was before the story started.
These small wanderings help me reconnect. To where I live. To what matters. To what I might have missed.
And they’ve reminded me that our towns aren’t static. They’re waiting. Like Victorian debutantes, hoping someone might notice them and ask them to dance.
Maybe that someone is you.
What’s the last independent place that surprised you?
The bookshop you didn’t know you needed. The café you found when you got a bit lost. The artist-run space hidden behind the pharmacy.
Let’s help each other find more of those.
Download the Scavenger Hunt for Curious Locals
This is designed to help you rediscover what’s already around you. Take it out this weekend. Let it guide your steps.
And while you’re at it…
Nominate a Place for Our Guide to Life
We’re building a lovingly curated directory of places that make you feel more human—from refilleries and bakeries to museums, bookshops and creative sanctuaries.
Know somewhere that deserves a wider spotlight? Nominate it here
Own a place yourself? Apply to be featured
Because the world doesn’t need more noise. It needs more noticing.
When You're Caught Between Seasons and Burnout
How to let yourself slow down, even when everything says speed up. This conversation with Lyndsay Kaldor will help if you’re feeling burnout or disconnected from yourself right now.
It’s the last stretch of August. The air feels heavier. There’s a nudge toward routine, productivity, “back to it” energy — even if your soul’s not quite ready.
There’s that quiet panic that says I’m not ready to go again.
That creeping guilt because you’re not full of plans or energy or goals for the season ahead.
That lingering hold of summer you don’t yet want to shake off.
If you feel this way right now, this week's episode of A Thought I Kept where I interview Lyndsay Kaldor is for you.
Lyndsay is a writer, mother and creative whose life changed when her yoga teacher shared something simple but radical:
““Flowers don’t bloom all year round.””
It landed at a time in her twenties when she was living what she calls a “summer existence” — always outwards, productive, performing, never pausing. That line became a turning point — an invitation into rest, seasonality, and a whole new way of living.
In this week’s episode, Lyndsay and I talk about:
Why burnout often looks like numbness, sameness, or disconnection
How to tell when it’s time to stop pushing and start tending
What seasonal living actually means (no picture-perfect routines required)
How to mother, work, create or just exist without being always “on”
The quiet power of letting growth be unseen, slow, and small
Maybe your life doesn't look seasonal.
Maybe you’re in a job that doesn’t change pace, or a home that feels full of noise and needs.
Maybe you're tired of trying to change things — and just need to know you're not doing it wrong.
This conversation won't tell you to quit it all and start over.
But it will remind you that it’s OK to rest. To reset slowly. To resist the pressure of the algorithm, the to-do list, the inner critic who tells you to keep up.
This episode is for the part of you that needs permission.
To be quiet. To not know. To not be blooming right now.
We are not machines. We are living things. We shift. We fade. We return.
And just like the natural world, we’re allowed to move in cycles.
Burnout isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes it’s just the weariness of being endlessly outward when what you need is inward.
So if you’re in that messy, in-between moment — not quite summer, not quite autumn, not quite ready — this is for you.
Are you feeling a shift right now?
What season are you in — internally — even if the world’s moving on?
Listen to this episode of A Thought I Kept on Substack or wherever you get your podcasts.
“The Quiet Rebellion of Honouring Your Inner Seasons” with Lyndsay Kaldor.
Subscribe on your favourite podcast app so you don’t miss future episodes.
The Five-Mile Holiday: How to Travel Where You Live This Summer
Not going away this summer? Discover how to turn your everyday surroundings into a five-mile holiday — with summer tips for slow adventures, creativity, and wellbeing.
So many summer guides assume one thing: you’re going somewhere.
But what if you're not?
No flight. No beach. No real time off. Just… regular life, stretched across warmer days.
Maybe the budget’s tight.
Maybe the schedule’s full.
Maybe you just don’t want the faff.
But that doesn’t mean summer is cancelled.
It might just mean it’s time for a five-mile holiday.
Why Closeness Counts
You don’t need a plane ticket to access awe.
You don’t need a passport to feel wonder.
You can begin exactly where you are.
So many of us miss what’s right in front of us because we’re trained to look for what’s further away.
We assume meaning lives elsewhere — on a coastline, in a city break, under a Tuscan sun.
But what if it’s within five miles of your front door?
We call it the five-mile holiday: an experiment in staying local, but seeing differently.
It’s travel… but turned toward the overlooked, the ordinary, the surprisingly beautiful.
How to Take a Five-Mile Holiday
Here are a few ways to begin your five-mile adventure:
1. Pretend You’re Visiting Your Town for the First Time
Visit the museum you always walk past
Take photos like a tourist
Ask someone for a recommendation
Walk a new route (even if it’s just to the shop)
Read the historical plaques you usually ignore
2. Eat Like You’re Somewhere Else
Find a food truck, bakery, or stall you’ve never tried
Try a picnic in a park you haven’t been to since last summer
Cook a dish from a country you’ve always wanted to visit
Sit and people-watch with a coffee as if you’re in a foreign square
3. Give Your Day a Theme
“Botanical day": find every green space in your area
"Creative day": visit a gallery, journal in a café, buy a new pen
"Childhood day": eat an ice lolly, watch a kids’ film, cook your favourite foods from your childhood
"Quiet day": no plans, no pressure, just wandering and noticing
4. Create Your Own Guidebook
Keep notes of where you went and what you loved
Take a disposable camera or Polaroid
Record how places made you feel, not just what you did
Invite a friend to do the same and swap guides
You Don’t Have to Go Far to Feel Far Away
The five-mile holiday isn’t about settling.
It’s about noticing what’s already here.
It reminds us that we don’t need constant stimulation to feel alive — we need presence. Curiosity. A shift in the lens.
It’s a kind of emotional travel.
A reminder that movement doesn’t always have to be physical.
Sometimes, it’s perceptual. And that’s powerful, too.
What Could Your Five-Mile Holiday Look Like?
If you were to stay local and stay open this summer — what would you find?
Try it for a day. Or a weekend.
And if you want to explore this idea more deeply, our Summer Wellcation is a lovely way to do that.
It’s your gentle invitation to explore what feels good — wherever you are.
No suitcase required.