Why Everything Feels Like Too Much

Often it isn’t one big thing that tips us into feeling overwhelmed. It’s the accumulation of many small, reasonable demands, layered one on top of another, until life begins to feel heavier than it looks from the outside. You’re still doing what needs doing. You’re still showing up. And yet, there’s a sense that everything takes more effort than it should, that coping has become something you have to consciously work at rather than something that happens naturally.

This is usually when people start questioning themselves. Not in a dramatic way, but in the background of everyday life. Why does this feel so hard? Am I just not very good at coping? Is this just me? We tend to assume the explanation must be personal — a flaw, a lack, a resilience gap we haven’t quite closed yet.

But very often, what’s going on has less to do with who you are, and more to do with capacity.

Capacity isn’t one single thing you either have or don’t have. It’s layered, changeable, and deeply affected by the conditions of your life. And when we talk about feeling overwhelmed, we’re often really talking about several kinds of capacity being stretched at once — even if we haven’t named them that way before.

There’s work capacity, for example. This isn’t just about hours or workload, but about responsibility, pressure, decision-making, and the emotional labour that so often comes with work — particularly in caring roles, leadership positions, or people-facing jobs where you’re expected to hold others as well as yourself. Then there’s mental capacity: the ability to concentrate, plan, remember, and problem-solve without every small decision feeling draining. When this is stretched, even simple choices can begin to feel surprisingly heavy.

There’s emotional capacity too — how much feeling you can hold, not only your own, but other people’s as well. Supporting children, partners, parents, colleagues, friends. Anticipating needs. Managing tension. Smoothing things over so life keeps moving.

Alongside this sits energy capacity: sleep, health, recovery time, and the overall load on your nervous system. This is often the first capacity to dip, and the one we’re most likely to ignore or override.

And then there’s life capacity — the background weight of life itself. The admin, the finances, the relationships, the uncertainty, the changes, the griefs and transitions that don’t always announce themselves loudly but still take up space.

You can be coping well enough in one area while another is quietly depleted. And when several kinds of capacity are stretched at the same time, it can feel as though something is deeply wrong, even when nothing obvious has changed. This is often why advice about slowing down or prioritising yourself can feel oddly out of reach. When capacity is already full, there isn’t spare room to rearrange things — there’s just more being asked.

For many people, doing everything isn’t about control or perfectionism. It’s about necessity. It’s about being the one who notices what needs doing and steps in because otherwise it won’t happen. It’s about holding together the practical and emotional threads of a life that relies on you more than feels fair. In that context, exhaustion isn’t a failure — it’s a natural response.

And yet, this is often where self-criticism creeps in. Why can’t I cope better? Why does everyone else seem to manage? Why does rest feel so far away for me? Overwhelm becomes something to judge ourselves for, rather than something to listen to.

Capacity isn’t something you fix by pushing harder or organising yourself more efficiently. It’s something you work with. And that often begins by telling the truth — not in a way that demands immediate change, but in a way that simply names what’s real. What’s taking the most from you right now. Where there isn’t really a safety net underneath. How tired you are, not because you’re weak, but because you’ve been carrying a lot for a long time.

When people begin to understand their experience through this lens, something softens. The constant questioning eases. The pressure to justify how they feel begins to lift. Not because everything suddenly changes, but because the story they’ve been telling themselves does.

If you’ve been wondering whether the way you’re feeling is justified, it probably is. Overwhelm is rarely random. It’s often a sign that too much has been resting on you for too long. Learning to listen to that — without rushing to fix yourself — can be the start of a steadier, kinder relationship with your own limits.

If this piece resonated, you might like to hear from us occasionally. Our newsletter shares thoughtful reflections and gentle guidance for navigating everyday life when things feel like a lot.

And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, confused by your emotional responses, or questioning why things feel the way they do, our 1:1 emotions coaching sessions can help you make sense of what’s happening.