Rediscovering connection through Taylor Swift's Eras Tour
Discover how Taylor Swift's music fosters emotional connection and self-discovery. Learn how her songs can help you connect more deeply with yourself and build meaningful relationships with others.
Ever found yourself caught in the whirlwind of Taylor Swift's universe, endlessly scouring for concert updates, dissecting lyrics, and soaking in every moment of her performances?
If you're seeking ways to connect more deeply with yourself and others, you're not alone in turning to Swift. Let's delve into how the pop superstar’s music has become more than just entertainment; it’s now our collective way to both self-discovery and meaningful connection.
The power of collective effervescence and emotional connection
In his studies on awe, psychologist Dacher Keltner explores the concept of 'collective effervescence,' where shared experiences create a sense of unity and awe. Taylor Swift's music acts as a catalyst for this phenomenon, bringing people together from all walks of life.
In a world plagued by loneliness, her concerts become sanctuaries of togetherness, where we find solace in shared emotions and experiences. For those seeking an emotional connection, Swift's music offers a powerful way to bridge the gaps between our fragmented lives.
Embracing emotional freedom through music
Swift's songs serve as emotional landscapes, inviting us to feel deeply and authentically. In a society that often encourages emotional suppression, her music gives us permission to embrace our vulnerabilities, to cry, to laugh, to rage, and to love without restraint.
Through her narratives, we confront our own emotional narratives, challenging beliefs that hinder our connection with ourselves and others.
For anyone looking to connect more with their feelings, Taylor Swift's music provides a safe space to explore and express emotions.
Writing our own stories and building connections
As we immerse ourselves in Taylor Swift's music, we not only find connection but also inspiration to rewrite our own stories. Her openness about the messy, imperfect parts of life reminds us that it's okay to not have it all figured out.
We're encouraged to embrace the complexities of our existence, to acknowledge our struggles, and to find beauty in our imperfections.
For those wanting to connect more with who they believe themselves to be and how they are really living their lives, Swift's music is a guide for how to do this with courage and vulnerability (the two often go together).
Embracing our own eras
As the Eras tour unfolds, it's more than just a musical spectacle; it's a phenomenon centered on being seen and feeling connected.
Through Taylor Swift's music, we find camaraderie, emotional release, and a renewed sense of self.
So, let's lean into the melodies, the lyrics, and the shared experiences, knowing that in each chord and verse, we find echoes of our own stories, our own struggles, and our own triumphs.
For anyone looking to connect more with themselves and others, Taylor Swift's music offers a heartfelt path forward.
Ready to deepen your connection with yourself and others? Subscribe to our newsletter for more insights on emotional wellness and join our community of like-minded individuals on this ever-meandering journey of self-discovery.
Plus, get exclusive updates on how music and other forms of art can enrich your life (see our Culture Therapy series for more).
Click here to subscribe now and start connecting with yourself, each other, and the world around you in new and creative ways.
How journaling can positively impact your well-being
Discover how expressive writing can boost mental health and creativity. Learn how this simple practice helps deepen awareness, process emotions, and unleash imagination. Explore key exercises for immediate well-being benefits.
I recently attended a Writing Workshop for Well-being at The Write Place in Frome led by Christina Sanders, an educator, poet, and fiction writer. During a Saturday morning session, both seasoned writers and complete beginners explored how the simple act of putting words on a page can help us connect with the wonder of life, slow down, deepen our awareness, and unleash our imagination.
James Pennebaker, a social psychologist, was one of the first to highlight the emotional benefits of expressing our thoughts and feelings through writing. His studies, along with those of others, have demonstrated that expressive writing can help us feel less isolated, identify our emotions, and connect with our needs. Moreover, it can assist in processing trauma and alleviating depression.
Writing is a powerful, generative practice. It helps us make sense of our thoughts and feelings, allowing us to write to understand, to get unstuck, and to be curious. Writing encourages us to pay attention to what’s happening inside us as well as in the world around us. And importantly, it can be a source of fun, enabling us to play with our imaginations and give our minds the freedom to roam—even into silliness!
One of the most remarkable insights from the workshop was how quickly writing could create a positive shift. Although the workshop lasted three hours, the actual exercises were just 5 to 10 minutes long. Even these brief exercises were enough to bring about a sense of well-being.
Below, I’ve included five short exercises adapted from Christina’s prompts. These combine freewriting—where you keep writing without stopping, letting whatever comes up flow onto the page—with journaling exercises.
Five Short Writing Exercises for Well-being
Five-Minute Freewrite:
Set a timer for five minutes
Start writing and don’t stop until the timer goes off.
Write whatever comes to mind without worrying about grammar or structure. Just let your thoughts flow.
Write a dialogue:
Take as your subjects the different parts of yourself (e.g., your anxious self and your calm self). This can help you explore inner conflicts and find resolutions. This can also support you in better understanding your inner dynamics and find balanced solutions.
Identify two aspects of yourself that are in conflict.
Write a conversation between these parts, allowing each to express its perspective.
Gratitude Journaling:
Spend five minutes writing about things you are grateful for.
Focus on the details and how these things make you feel.
Imaginary Journey:
Imagine a place where you feel completely at peace.
Spend ten minutes describing this place in as much detail as possible.
Allow your imagination to take over and enjoy the process of creating your peaceful haven.
Visual Prompts:
Using images as prompts can stimulate creativity and emotional expression. This exercise can help you explore emotions and uncover hidden thoughts.
Find a photograph or piece of artwork that resonates with you.
Spend 10-15 minutes writing about what you see, how it makes you feel, and any memories or thoughts it evokes.
Try these exercises and see how writing can enhance your well-being. Remember, the key is not to self-edit as you go along. No one else needs to read what you write—not even you. The goal is simply to get your thoughts and feelings down on the page, no matter how messy or meandering they may seem.
Try to write regularly, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day.
You might be surprised by what emerges from your scribbles. Give it a try, and you’ll see the benefits for yourself.
Happy writing!
The best self-help books for when you're feeling lost
The best self-help books by female authors for when you're feeling lost. These five non-fiction books are our go-to reads when we need more practical support for our mental health and emotional wellbeing.
Self-help books written by men currently dominate the bestseller lists — such as those by James Clear and Eckhart Tolle —although women have traditionally been the primary consumers of these titles. However, female authors have started to gain popularity and draw widespread readership.
We’ve selected our favourite self-help books by female authors that we turn to when we’re lost. These five non-fiction books are our go-to’s when we need more practical support for our mental health and emotional wellbeing.
A self-help book to connect with self-acceptance | Already Enough by Lisa Olivera
We’ve been thinking a lot about self-acceptance over the past month: how we feel forced to mold and shape ourselves into something else just to be, and the one book we’ve been turning to as an antidote to that perspective is this one. Lisa Olivera’s Already Enough: A Path to Self-Acceptance.
In this book you’re gently encouraged to write a whole new story — and with that invite in a new set of beliefs and possibilities — so that ultimately you can believe in and access your “inherent enoughness.”
Staying in her work as a therapist, Olivera gives us a space to reflect on what our story is: such as needing to be perfect to feel worthy, having to stay small because our needs don’t matter or not showing up because we don’t belong.
This book feels like having a session with Olivera, as she takes us through practices, questions, and tools to reframe our stories and then courageously integrate new ones. This book is for anyone, who feels less than accepted, who is striving, striving, striving, and wonders what’s beneath that.
““Our stories weave themselves into every aspect of our lives. They shape our reactions and our choices. They influence how we treat ourselves and how we relate to other people. Our stories are guiding forces in our experience of being human.””
A self-help book for when you’re burned out on self-help | Real self-care by Dr Pooja Lakshmin
This is the book we’d been seeking as an antidote to the pressure to do more and more and more. It’s almost an anti-self-help book in that it both challenges some of the assumptions of the ever-improving industry and offers a different, almost unmarketable, set of ideas for how to be.
Dr Lakshmin emphasizes genuine self-awareness over quick fixes, advocating for practices that nurture holistic well-being rather than fleeting indulgences. In this book, burnout becomes a form of cultural betrayal, as we turn to one of three coping mechanisms from the self-help industry: escape, achievement, or optimization.
For Dr. Lakshmin Real Self-Care is self-driven and founded on four key principles:
Setting boundaries around your needs and desires
Treating yourself with compassion which might mean changing how you talk to yourself
Moving closer to yourself by connecting with what matters most to you
Making yourself bigger (rather than smaller) and supporting other women as you do so
Read this if you’re tired of quick fixes or you even experiencing fatigue around the latest wellness trend.
““Wellness dogma says that a fix for your troubles is as simple as buying a new day planner or signing up for a meditation class. And according to this philosophy, when you don’t find time for these “solutions”, it’s your fault for not keeping up with one more task on your to-do list.””
A self-help book for when you feel stuck | Un(Stuck) by Dr Sophie Mort
Dr Sophie Mort’s (Un)Stuck is the perfect book if you’ve ever committed to a habit that didn’t stick, found that you’re stuck in one that you can’t break, or you find yourself getting in your own way.
A clinical psychologist with a Master’s in Neuroscience and the bestselling author of A Manual for Being Human who has become somewhat renowned for taking therapy to Instagram, Dr Soph as she’s known has written an accessible, practical and hopefully impactful self-help book on what to do when we (inevitably) get stuck. So if you’re curious to know what might be getting in the way of anything you want to do (but can’t) read this.
In this book, Dr Soph covers five areas that “people rarely fully understand that get in the way of us being able to take charge of our lives and stop going in circles.”
Heuristics: understanding what these are and how they might be holding you back
Self-sabotage: what it really is (self-rescuing?) and what to do with it when this happens
Games: knowing that you might be playing these, often unconsciously (any rescuers out there?)
History: understanding generational patterns and the scripts that we inherit, and unknowingly live by
When you’re feeling stuck in life, this book can help you get out of your own (often unconscious) way.
““More than 40 percent of our actions are behaviours we engage in without conscious thought.” ”
A self-help book to build self-awareness | Why Had Nobody Told Me This Before? by Dr Julie Smith
Dr Julie Smith’s bestselling book is a toolkit – it’s filled with the lessons we could learn through years of therapy, but that should be available to all of us before we even sit on that couch. Like what’s the baseline for our emotional and mental wellbeing? What are the foundational approaches to better navigate our everyday lives? How can we build a practice when we’re feeling good that serves us when we’re feeling bad?
Drawing from her extensive experience as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Smith distills complex psychological concepts into accessible and actionable advice. The book is structured around key themes such as managing anxiety, battling depression, building self-confidence, and fostering resilience.
Dr. Smith's approach is refreshingly straightforward, offering tools and techniques that can be immediately applied to daily life. She emphasizes the importance of understanding and managing one's emotions, highlighting that mental health is a continuous journey rather than a destination. Through relatable anecdotes, insightful tips, and engaging exercises, we can learn how to cultivate a healthier mindset and develop coping mechanisms for stress and adversity.
One of the standout aspects of the book is its focus on self-compassion and the power of small, consistent changes. Dr. Smith encourages us to be kind to ourselves and to recognize our progress, no matter how incremental.
Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? is an empowering resource that demystifies mental health and provides a toolkit for building a more resilient and fulfilling life. This is a book to live through and by, which is why it’s one of the most popular self-help books at the moment.
““you have to get to work being your own coach instead of your own worst critic””
A self-help book for when you need a pep talk | Life Skills for a Broken World by Dr Ahona Guha
In the Preface to this book Dr Guha suggests two ways to use it. The first is to read it from start to finish. The second is to dip into it if you’re not feeling great. We’ve done both.
Life Skills by Dr. Ahona Guha is the guide to life that we all need right now as we navigate the complexities of modern life.
As a clinical and forensic psychologist, Dr. Guha leverages her extensive expertise to present a practical manual that covers a wide array of life skills crucial for personal and professional success. The book is structured to address various aspects of well-being, including emotional intelligence, effective communication, stress management, and decision-making.
Dr. Guha's writing is both engaging and informative, breaking down intricate psychological concepts into relatable and actionable advice. Each chapter is dedicated to a specific skill, providing readers with clear, step-by-step instructions on how to develop and hone these abilities. Through real-life examples, interactive exercises, and reflective questions, the book encourages readers to actively apply what they learn to their own lives.
A notable feature of Life Skills is its holistic approach, emphasizing the interconnectedness of different skills and how they collectively contribute to a balanced and fulfilling life. Dr. Guha advocates for continuous learning and resilience, offering insights that are both practical and inspirational.
Life Skills is an invaluable resource for anyone looking to enhance their capabilities and lead a more effective and enriched life.
“This is a book of understanding, of action, of realism, of anti-hustle, and some tolerable discomfort — not a pastel book of self-care, bubble baths, motivational quotes, and polite platitudes.”
These are our favorite self-help books by female authors that offer us guidance as we navigate our lost moments. They speak to the pressures of being a woman in the world today and all we’re now supposed to strive for. Together they offer a much-needed antidote to the idea of doing more to be more by female authors who get it too.
For more ways to navigate life, join our mailing list. Like little doses of (real) self-care in an email.
How to design a life that nurtures your well-being
Learn how you can create a plan for better well-being, one that supports you in exploring your life with curiosity.
You've probably tried setting relentless self-improvement goals.
Often, these goals set us up for disappointment because they're based on societal expectations, rather than our true selves.
So how can you design a life that actually supports and nurtures you?
That’s a question we consider all the time as we’re bombarded with expectations about what life should be.
We’ve found that creating a life that emphasizes self-acceptance, emotional awareness, curiosity, and creativity helps us not only face personal but also global uncertainties.
Here's how you can start building a life that truly supports you.
How to shift focus to creating a supportive environment
Begin by acknowledging your current state and the resources available to you. Instead of relentlessly pursuing self-improvement, ask yourself how you can create an environment and lifestyle that supports you as you are. This shift in focus encourages acceptance, fostering daily practices that fit within your life.
How to navigate uncertainty with curiosity
In our uncertain world, it's crucial to develop curiosity and flexibility. Focus on where you find stability internally when external conditions are volatile. Prioritize a version of self-care that helps you adapt without imposing the broken pieces of the world onto you.
How to manage unwanted emotions
Recognize that encountering feelings like fear, shame, guilt, or anxiety is normal when navigating life's complexities. Equip yourself with strategies to acknowledge, understand, and manage these emotions. This involves not letting them dictate your actions or self-worth, but rather, learning how to coexist with them as you move forward in life.
By adopting these practices, you can begin to design a life that not only supports you but also inspires others to do the same. Embracing acceptance, curiosity, and creativity in the face of uncertainties allows us to build a life centered around more of what we need and access better well-being.
Are you ready to design a life that truly supports you?
We’ve created our self-guided, online course, Find Your Way, to help people like you learn how to navigate life's uncertainties so you can feel better on your terms.
You might have tried endless self-improvement regimes. Often, these fail because they focus on changing who we are, rather than accepting and working with what we've got.
With this on-demand course you’ll get to design a life that helps you feel better and nurtures your well-being.
Here’s a 5-minute glimpse into Find Your Way:
Benefits of this course:
1. Learn to navigate life with curiosity, understanding how exploring can open the way for more possibility.
2. Gain strategies to manage unwanted emotions, turning them from obstacles into opportunities for greater self-awareness.
3. Discover the power of creating a life that meets your needs, while fostering a sense of connection with others.
When we start designing a life that truly supports us with the resources and capabilities we currently possess, our focus can shift away from constant self-improvement towards creating an environment and lifestyle that nurtures our well-being.
Enroll today to begin exploring life, and your well-being, in a whole new way.
From self-doubt to self-belief: Strategies to overcome Imposter Syndrome
Struggling with Imposter Syndrome and self-doubt? Discover expert strategies to step into self-belief.
Ever felt like a fraud, even when in reality you’ve got this? Hands up if you’ve ever experienced Imposter Syndrome!
At the recent Bath Festival, Dr. Jessamy Hibberd, the brilliant mind behind The Imposter Cure, asked a packed room if they’d ever felt this way. Spoiler alert: nearly everyone raised their hands! Turns out, about 70% of people have experienced Imposter Syndrome at some point. You're definitely not alone!
A Quick History Lesson on Imposter Syndrome
Imposter Syndrome was first identified by researchers in 1978 when they discovered that many high-achieving women, including those in academia, felt like frauds even though they were more than qualified. These women were fearful of being found out and believed that their success and accomplishments were based on external factors like luck or other people’s mistakes, rather than their abilities. The study concluded that Imposter Syndrome was widespread among high-achieving women and this led to wider recognition of the term. The concept would be expanded to apply to men — 50% of whom feel it too — as well as people from different backgrounds and professions.
So, What Is Imposter Syndrome?
In short, it’s the sneaky belief that we’re not worthy of our achievements. Even when we’re outwardly successful, we think we’re not good enough. Dr. Hibberd calls these “faulty beliefs.” Many of us are busy doubting ourselves. When we approach life from a place of anxiety — from fearing we’ll get found out — that can make it impossible to give ourselves the space to learn, grow, and experiment. Sound familiar?
We also think everyone else has it all together. We see others’ shiny success stories and hold ourselves to impossible standards, trying to be the best version of ourselves. It’s exhausting!
Meet the 5 Imposter Types—Which One Are You?
The Perfectionist: Believes there’s a right and wrong way to do everything.
The Soloist: Is hesitant to ask for help.
The Natural Genius: Thinks they need to get it right on the first try.
The Expert: Feels they need to know everything before starting.
The Superwoman/man: Strives to be perfect in all areas.
These can lead us down two not-so-fun paths: Avoidance (hello, procrastination!) and Overwork (burnout, anyone?). Which one’s your go-to?
Finding Your Grounding in Self-Belief
Dr. Hibberd suggests some impactful strategies to combat Imposter Syndrome:
Self-Compassion: Swap self-criticism for self-awareness. Talk to yourself like you would to a friend.
Challenge Your Beliefs: Keep a record of your daily successes and strengths. This helps shift how you see yourself.
Be Aware of Biases: We all have a 'negativity bias' (always on the lookout for threats) and a 'confirmation bias' (seeking proof of what we believe).
The Antidote in The Imposter Cure
In her book, Dr. Hibberd delves deep into practical, science-backed strategies to help you reframe your thoughts and silence your inner critic. Here are some gems from the book:
Visualization Techniques: Picture your success and visualize overcoming challenges.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Exercises: Change negative thought patterns with simple yet effective CBT practices.
Daily Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to reinforce your worth and capabilities.
Sharing Is Caring
Sitting with a group of fellow doubters at the Guildhall, I realized the magic of saying, “That’s me too.” It’s a reminder that we’re not alone. We’re all in this together, and we’re all more ‘normal’ than we think. Let’s take a deep breath and let go of that weight because many of us are exhausted from carrying it around with us.
Ready to Move Beyond Imposter Syndrome?
Check out Dr. Hibberd’s The Imposter Cure. Or, let’s have a chat. Book a free 20-minute call to see how a 1:1 coaching session with one of our Certified Coaches can help you navigate and conquer Imposter Syndrome.
Well-being Series: 6 Well-being Practices to Boost Your Mood
Discover science-based well-being practices to boost positive emotions, decrease negative emotions, and support yourself in feeling better. Fold these well-being tips into your plan for better emotional and mental health.
Life isn’t always easy. Sometimes things just happen that put us in a bad mood. Other times we make decisions that get us down. And still other times we feel bad for no obvious reason. All we know is that we want to feel better...but we're just not sure how.
Luckily, psychological research has shown us some ways we can boost our mood. Here are several to check out. If any resonate with you see if you can fold them into your plan for better mental and emotional well-being.
1. Practice gratitude
One of the best ways to start feeling better is to practice gratitude. You can write a gratitude journal or a gratitude list. These activities can result in a quick and fast boost of positivity.
2. Cultivate self-compassion
Self-compassion can often help us feel better about ourselves. We're not as judgmental of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and we treat ourselves better. You can boost self-compassion by writing yourself a self-compassionate letter that reminds you of all the good things about you and by talking to yourself like you would a friend, kindly.
3. Boost self-confidence
When we are confident, we are more likely to take the necessary actions we need to take to improve our lives. As a result, it can be easier to be in a better mood. We may be able to boost self-confidence by reminding ourselves of our strengths and positive qualities. So go ahead and think about your strengths. It doesn’t have to be anything big—maybe you’re a good cook, good at playing video games, or have a good imagination.
4. Write yourself a 'feel better soon' letter
Research shows that looking at our current situation from another point in time can decrease our current negative emotions and make us feel better (Bruehlman-Senecal & Ayduk, 2015). So if you've experienced a breakup or other difficult event that has put you in a bad mood, it may be helpful to write a letter to yourself from some time in the future. Tell yourself to "feel better soon" and talk about all the great stuff your future self is doing once this challenging time has passed.
5. Try to notice the positive things
Numerous studies show that training our attention away from the negative and onto the positive improves our well-being (MacLeod, et al., 2002; Wadlinger & Isaacowitz, 2008). For example, if we lose a job, we might say to ourselves: "I am so happy to have my family and friends".
6. Look at positive images
All the science is great for helping us learn strategies to feel better. But sometimes we just want to look at funny or cute things. (There's actually science that suggests positive images do boost our mood.) Sometimes, when we’re feeling down, it can be helpful to let our brains rest, look at cute otter videos online, and just let our mood improve that way.
If you're in a bad mood these are some of the things you can do to feel better. Try one of the suggestions presented here. Just be sure to be gentle with yourself, take your time, and do it your way.
If you’re curious to discover more daily practices for better emotional and mental well-being, subscribe to our newsletter. We’ll share our favorite ways to feel better and take you from lost to found.
References
● Bruehlman-Senecal, E., and O. Ayduk. 2015. “This Too Shall Pass: Temporal Distance and the Regulation of Emotional Distress." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 108 (2): 356.
● MacLeod, C., Rutherford, E., Campbell, L., Ebsworthy, G., & Holker, L. (2002). Selective attention and emotional vulnerability: assessing the causal basis of their association through the experimental manipulation of attentional bias. Journal of abnormal psychology, 111(1), 107.
● Wadlinger, H. A., & Isaacowitz, D. M. (2008). Looking happy: The experimental manipulation of a positive visual attention bias. Emotion, 8(1), 121.
Well-being Series: How to set long term well-being goals
Explore some of our favorite tips for setting long-term well-being goals and how these can support you in feeling better in your everyday life. Learn more about how to meet your well-being needs over time.
One of the questions we hear the most when working with people on their mental and emotional well-being plans is this: but where do I start?
A great place to begin is by asking yourself what you even want well-being to do or be for you. What are the goals you have around well-being? Is it for more energy or more rest, more connection or more space, more excitement or more calm?
We each arrive with very different needs for our mental health and emotional well-being plans and we’ll need to set very different goals to meet them.
So here we’ll look at what goals are and how to set them to your well-being needs so that you can feel better in your everyday life.
What are goals?
Goals, broadly speaking, are defined as the desired states that we seek to obtain, maintain, or avoid (Nair, 2003). Long-term goals can be defined as a set of goals that need a longer period to achieve. For example, they could be goals related to our education, career, relationships, fitness, etc. Long-term goals require planning and sustained effort, so they can be a bit trickier to achieve than shorter-term goals.
Here are some tips to get you started.
How to reach long-term well-being goals
1. Set specific and challenging well-being goals.
It turns out that we achieve more by setting specific goals that are a little bit bigger or challenging, but not too challenging. If we set easy goals, we often don't achieve as much as we could because we don't push ourselves quite as hard.
2. Set meaningful well-being goals.
Reaching goals that you care about is easier than reaching goals you don't care about. So it's helpful to get clear on what you do care about from the start, and what is significant about making a plan for your mental and emotional health in your life right now.
3. Set realistic well-being goals.
It can be tricky to know just how much you can achieve. In fact, if you don't believe in yourself, you might set your goals too low and miss out on doing some great things. If you believe in your ability to manifest something, you are more likely to persist until you do. So take some time to dream big and then put on your reality cap to reflect on what is possible.
4. Commit to your well-being goals.
Humans don't like to disappoint themselves or others. So when we commit to something, we're actually more likely to do it, especially if we share the commitment with other people in our lives.
5. Create a feedback cycle.
Feedback can be helpful so that you know how well you are doing (Latham, & Locke, 2007). Even if you don't have someone to provide feedback for you, you can still put systems in place to give yourself feedback. In other words, you could track your progress on how you're moving towards your well-being goals. That way, you'll know how you're doing.
Align long-term well-being goals with core needs
Researchers suggest that we are more motivated to fulfill core needs like autonomy, relatedness, and competence (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999). So when setting long-term goals, try to identify how each goal relates to a core need.
For example, 'starting your creative practice' might relate to autonomy because you are free to work on what you want. 'Nurturing friendships' might connect to relatedness. And 'learning something new' might relate to competence.
By identifying how your well-being goals relate to your needs, you'll have a better sense that what you're striving for will actually make you feel good once you get there.
Phases of long-term well-being goal pursuit
A process for achieving our long-term goals can look like this:
● Initiation.
Getting started on the goal.
● Maintenance.
Continuing to work on the goal and execute actions that lead to achieving the goal.
● Persistence.
Overcoming challenges, setbacks, and emotional issues like exhaustion, boredom, or dissatisfaction.
● Revision.
Periodic review of the goal to track progress, revise plans, and reevaluate the goal as a whole (Sniehotta, Schwarzer, Scholz, & Schüz, 2005).
Sticking to your well-being goals
The thing about long-term goals is that they are ... well ... long. That means they require dedication, determination, and persistence. They require overcoming both tangible obstacles and emotional obstacles. So, some have suggested that in addition to creating an action plan (a plan for what you will do), it can be helpful to have a coping plan (Sniehotta, Schwarzer, Scholz, & Schüz, 2005).
Here are some tips for how to do that:
1. Clarify possible challenges
Anticipating the situations that will slow or stall your progress toward the goal can help you develop a plan for how to respond effectively. Then, creating "if-then" statements for each potential obstacle can help you more easily overcome it.
For example, if I'm exhausted and just need a nap during the time I have set aside for my well-being goal, it's OK because then I have a backup time set up that I only use when I need it.
2. Think about how to overcome distraction
Perhaps the most common obstacle is distraction. Maybe some parts of our long-term well-being goal are boring or hard. Or, there are just a lot of distractions in our lives. That's why putting a plan in place to minimize distractions can be helpful.
For example, we can download an app to pause our emails, log ourselves out of social media, or put a time limit on our internet time. Or, maybe we benefit from headphones to drown out noise. Or maybe we just need a few snacks nearby so we don't have to keep running out to get something.
Think about what distracts you and how you might overcome these things.
3. Know your challenges
Take some time to think about what's stopped you from reaching past well-being goals. Write these down and then brainstorm what you'll do. Try to be specific (say more than "I'll figure it out!").
For example, if low self-confidence often keeps you from reaching your well-being goals, maybe you use some self-compassion exercises when you find you're getting down on yourself.
By having specific plans in place to cope with your unique difficulties, you can increase your chances of success.
Take the next step to better mental and emotional well-being
Arrange a free consultation with our resident well-being coach
What well-being goals do you have and how can you achieve them? If you need more help exploring your well-being goals, book a free consultation with our well-being coach.
References
● Nair, K. S. (2003). Life goals: the concept and its relevance to rehabilitation. Clinical Rehabilitation, 17(2), 192-202.
● Latham, G. P., & Locke, E. A. (2007). New developments in and directions for goal-setting research. European Psychologist, 12(4), 290-300.
● Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. J. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: the self-concordance model. Journal of personality and social psychology, 76(3), 482.
● Sniehotta, F. F., Schwarzer, R., Scholz, U., & Schüz, B. (2005). Action planning and coping planning for long‐term lifestyle change: theory and assessment. European Journal of Social Psychology, 35(4), 565-576.
Well-being Series: What to do about all the pressure to be happy
Happiness and well-being are interrelated but sometimes our pursuit of it can make us unhappier. Discover how toxic positivity might be impacting you and how you can learn to be ok when you're not ok.
Right now, you might be feeling the pressure to be happy all the time. And if you’re not quite there, you may feel like you're in constant pursuit of happiness. You might even feel like you’re failing at happiness.
Our relationship with happiness has become something entangled with ideas of toxic positivity. So let’s find out what distinguishes good positivity from bad positivity, as well as how to reset our relationship with the very idea of happiness.
What is toxic positivity?
Positivity involves things like gratitude, optimism, and positive reappraisal and you may have heard that positivity is good for well-being.
On the flip side, maybe you’ve felt annoyed, angry, or uncomfortable when positivity was forced on you. Indeed, positivity can be good for well-being...as long as we’re not using it to avoid or suppress negative emotions. Then, it can become toxic.
Toxic positivity is defined as the act of rejecting or denying stress, negativity, or other negative experiences that exist (Sokal, Trudel, & Babb, 2020).
It can sometimes be difficult to distinguish positivity from toxic positivity.
For example, if someone tells us, “Hey, look at the bright side,” we might feel like they are diminishing or denying our negative feelings. Because negative emotions are tools we use to get important needs met, we don’t just want to be shoving them away without acknowledgment.
So, seemingly positive advice from friends can often feel like toxic positivity to the person receiving it.
Here are a few more examples of toxic positivity:
● I say: “I’m having a bad day.” Toxic response: “But you have so much to be grateful for.”
● I say “I don’t know if I can have a relationship with my sister. She doesn’t treat me with decency and respect.” Toxic response: “She’s family. You should love her no matter what.”
● I say: “This job sucks.” Toxic response: “You’re lucky you even have a job.”
In these examples, someone is using positivity to get rid of our true or negative experiences.
On the other hand, say a friend tells us, “Hey, it’s okay not to be okay. ” This shows acceptance of our negative emotions as well as compassion and gratitude. This approach is not toxic because it doesn't deny our emotions and force us to feel something we don’t want to feel.
When does positivity become toxic?
One study showed that looking for silver linings is only beneficial in uncontrollable contexts. For example, if we lose our job, we might benefit from thinking about our future opportunities. But if we try to use positive reappraisal in controllable situations—or situations that we could change—we might actually be worse off (Troy, Shallcross, & Mauss, 2013).
Some research suggests that it is inappropriate to use positivity (positive reappraisal) when our identities are being threatened. For example, when people experience racial oppression, looking for silver linings appears to actually lead to worse well-being (Perez & Soto, 2011).
If people encourage us to use a specific emotion regulation skill that we’re not good at, it could actually leave us worse off. And for many people, positivity can be a difficult skill to develop and implement. So if you’re not good at being positive, optimistic, or reflecting on your situation to find the silver lining, it could actually be bad for you (Ford & Troy, 2019).
Most people think of positive emotion as a good thing, and more is better, right? Well, it turns out that too much positive emotion may actually be a bad thing. Too much positive emotion has been shown to be a risk factor for mania (Gruber, Johnson, Oveis, & Keltner, 2008). So, too much positive emotion actually can be a bad thing.
Being obsessed with happiness and focusing excessively on getting happy has also been shown to be bad for well-being (Ford & Mauss, 2014). It’s thought that this may create a discrepancy between how we feel now and how we want to feel. Indeed, having ultra-high expectations for happiness tends to be bad for our mental health.
Toxic positivity can be tricky. The benefits of positivity are very real and impactful, but at the same time, it can be easy to get positivity wrong.
Hopefully, the guidance here will help you take what you can from the field of positivity psychology and our ever-returning pursuit of happiness while still being able to prevent positivity from becoming toxic.
Take the next step to better mental and emotional well-being
Join our course ‘Find Your Way’ to create your own way to well (that includes happiness and so much more)
This online, self-guided well-being course is designed to give you the space, time, and resources to explore more of what you need. Over 12 weeks you’ll get to create your own well-being practice that draws on the latest science but is still shaped by your core values, beliefs, and needs. Discover how you can get beyond happy to feel better in your everyday life.
References
● Ford, B., & Mauss, I. (2014). The paradoxical effects of pursuing positive emotion. In J. Gruber & J. T. Moskowitz (Eds.), Positive emotion: Integrating the light sides and dark sides (pp. 363–382). Oxford University Press.
● Ford, B. Q., & Troy, A. S. (2019). Reappraisal reconsidered: A closer look at the costs of an acclaimed emotion-regulation strategy. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 28(2), 195-203.
● Gruber, J., Johnson, S. L., Oveis, C., & Keltner, D. (2008). Risk for mania and positive emotional responding: Too much of a good thing? Emotion, 8(1), 23–33.
● Perez, C. R., & Soto, J. A. (2011). Cognitive reappraisal in the context of oppression: Implications for psychological functioning. Emotion, 11, 675–680.
● Sokal, L., Trudel, L. E., & Babb, J. (2020). It’s okay to be okay too. Why calling out teachers’“toxic positivity” may backfire.
● Troy, A. S., Shallcross, A. J., & Mauss, I. B. (2013). A person-by-situation approach to emotion regulation: Cognitive reappraisal can either help or hurt, depending on the context. Psychological science, 24(12), 2505-2514.
Well-being Series: What is eudaimonic well-being and how can you cultivate more of it in your everyday life?
Discover how well-being and happiness overlap as well as seven practices that can help you cultivate eudaimonic well-being for a more fulfilling life.
Many of us are aiming to be more happy in our lives. But we can find the pursuit itself falling short.
One way to reframe how we understand happiness is through the concept of eudaimonia. This combines eu (good) and daimon (spirit) and can be defined as a life well-lived, or human flourishing.
To access eudaimonia in your everyday life, four core elements have been found to be needed (Huta & Waterman, 2014):
● Authenticity
● Excellence
● Growth
● Meaning
So how can you shift to increasing your eudaimonic well-being rather than focusing wholly on happiness? These wellbeing tips will help you cultivate this experience of eudaimonia in your life and discover how it connects with your sense of happiness.
Ways to Increase Eudaimonic Well-Being
Here are a few actionable steps that you can take to promote eudaimonia for better mental health and emotional well-being.
1. Express your values and stay close to them
We all have different values. If something is truly important to you, try your best to stand by it, even when others don’t agree. This will also help you feel true to yourself (see #6).
2. Write down your biggest goals
This isn’t your usual career goal or where you want to see yourself in 20 years. These are goals that reflect your core values. Sure, they can be related to your career, but think about it at a broader level. For example, some of your big goals could be ‘to help people who are struggling’ and ‘to stand up for marginalized groups’.
3. Develop and refine your skills and capabilities
No matter who you are, you are good at something (or many things). You have traits that can help you achieve your goals (re: #2). Maybe you’re good at giving advice, or you're detail-oriented, or you have an ear for music. Whatever it is, focus your efforts on developing the skills that bring you joy.
4. Focus on the quality, not quantity, of your relationships
This might seem obvious, but social connections play a major role in well-being. Of course, you’ll form new relationships as you start different chapters of your life, but remember not to neglect the people you cherish and truly care about. This can be as simple as expressing gratitude or calling your favorite people now and then to check-in. Also, sometimes we may realize that relationships are no longer serving us, which may mean it’s time to reassess how those show up in our lives.
5. Do the things you genuinely want to do
We engage with things for different reasons: sometimes it’s because it’s personally rewarding (i.e., intrinsic motivation) or externally rewarding (i.e., extrinsic motivation). Find things you love to do, and not only have to do. Yes, life is full of responsibilities and activities that are extrinsically motivated, but even a few side hobbies that bring you joy can be helpful in the long run.
6. Be authentic and true to yourself
Have you ever felt not quite like ‘yourself’ after saying or doing something? We all have those moments. It’s not a comfortable feeling because it feels like you’re lying to yourself. It’s no wonder that authenticity is such a big part of eudaimonia.
7. Do Positive Activities
What are some things you can do in daily life to promote eudaimonia? A study by Steger and colleagues (2008) outlined the following eudaimonic activities:
● Volunteering one’s time
● Giving money to someone in need
● Writing out one’s future goals
● Expressing gratitude for another’s actions
● Carefully listening to another’s point of view
● Confiding in someone about something that is of personal importance
● Persevering at valued goals despite obstacles
As you consider how to be happier, try to shift more towards how to cultivate eudaimonic well-being.
Which of these well-being tips will you try?
Take the next step to better mental and emotional well-being
If you’re curious to know more about what better well-being means to you, and how to navigate your way through life when you’re feeling lost, lonely, uncertain, or overwhelmed explore our personalized coaching options. Find your way to more good days.
References
● Hursthouse, R. (1999). On virtue ethics. Oxford University Press.
● Huta, V., & Waterman, A. S. (2014). Eudaimonia and its distinction from hedonia: Developing a classification and terminology for understanding conceptual and operational definitions. Journal of Happiness Studies, 15(6), 1425–1456.
● Steger, M. F., Kashdan, T. B., & Oishi, S. (2008). Being good by doing good: Daily eudaimonic activity and well-being. Journal of Research in Personality, 42(1), 22–42.
How to create your emotional and mental well-being plan for happier days
Learn how to create an emotional and mental well-being plan tailored to you. Discover how our new online well-being course can help you feel better in your everyday life.
In today's fast-paced world, just finding your way to feel better can be daunting. That’s why our online well-being course, "Find Your Way," offers a distinct approach to navigating through all the noise.
Our mission is to guide individuals toward enhanced emotional and mental well-being, acknowledging the uniqueness of each person's experience. "Find Your Way" provides inclusive and empathetic personalized support, while drowning out all the messages of what we should be doing with our time, bodies, life.
Here's how you can integrate "Find Your Way" into your daily routine and create an emotional and mental well-being plan that feels good to you.
How to incorporate our well-being course into your daily life
We've structured the course content into easily digestible segments — whether through video, audio, or workbook components. These daily lessons seamlessly blend into your schedule, each lasting approximately 10-20 minutes.
This manageable timeframe ensures you can seamlessly integrate our guidance into your daily rituals, be it during your morning coffee, a work break, or before bedtime. Consistency is key, so find a time that suits you best and make it a dedicated part of your day.
How to tailor our well-being course to your pace
One of the unique features of “Find Your Way” is its flexible duration. Whether it takes you 12 weeks or 12 months to move through the program, the important thing is to progress at your own pace. Set your own rhythm: there's no pressure to rush through the material. Instead, focus on fully absorbing the insights and applying them to your life. This flexibility allows for a truly personalized exploration of your well-being, one based on curiosity rather than anxiety.
How to cultivate a personal connection for support
As co-founders of If Lost, Claire and Amanda act not only as your guides but as companions on your wellness journey. Interact with the content as if engaging in a heartfelt conversation with a supportive friend.
This personal connection forms the cornerstone of the program, providing direct support and empathy. Remember, you're not alone in this; there's a real person, with genuine thought and expertise, guiding you every step of the way.
How to embrace the social purpose behind If Lost
At the core of our course lies a commitment to collective well-being. By participating in "Find Your Way," you contribute to a broader movement towards a more inclusive and supportive wellness culture.
Keep this purpose in mind as you progress through the program, allowing it to inspire and motivate your engagement.
Feeling lost, uncertain, overwhelmed, directionless, or something else? Discover how we can help you create an emotional and mental well-being plan that helps you find your way through life.
You can start this online well-being course anytime. Click on the link below to learn more.
A glimpse into “Find Your Way”
Discover where this course will take you. How can it help you create an emotional and mental well-being plan of your own making? One that will help you feel better in your everyday life?
Navigating Well-being Your Way
Discover a personalized, maybe even messier, path to well-being with our 12-week course, Find Your Way.
Ever feel like well-being is just this elusive concept that's supposed to magically fix everything? We get it. The struggle is real when it comes to navigating the overwhelming sea of advice, scientific jargon, and endless to-dos just to feel a little better.
Picture this: You're drowning in information, constantly questioning where to start. You know you need something, but exhaustion kicks in before you even begin. And let's not even talk about the time factor – it's like there's a conspiracy against finding a moment for self-care in our hectic lives. Cue the self-judgment.
Then there's the inevitable feeling of failure. That trendy meditation or journaling practice that's all the rage? Nope, doesn't work for everyone. And suddenly, what's meant to be a source of well-being becomes a guilt trip because you can't seem to fit the mold.
Oh, and don't get us started on the 'magazine wellness' fantasy. Breakfast bowls? Try a rushed piece of toast. Herb-infused waters? More like a constant drip of caffeine to survive the daily grind.
But here's the thing: Well-being isn't one-size-fits-all. There's no right way to do it. What works for you might not work for someone else. And that's perfectly okay.
Enter Find Your Way – our 12-week course designed to redefine well-being. No more unattainable perfection, just a messy, fun, and sustainable journey back to yourself. Whether you crave calm or excitement, or need to tackle overwhelm or burnout, we've got you covered.
We've put in the work to create a course that respects your values, beliefs, and the unique shape of your life. It's not about conforming to stereotypes; it's about finding what truly feels good for you.
Starting on January 29th, this course is your personal roadmap to more of what matters – without the pressure. Join at your own pace, with access to our course hub, weekly meet-ups (if you fancy some company), and insights from amazing guest speakers.
Excited to embark on this curiosity-led journey with us? Register now, and let's make well-being your own unique adventure.
Check out our new video for a sneak peek into the course – trust us, you won't want to miss it!
Can't wait to see your faces and connect on a deeper level. Let's make positive mental health a reality, together.
Wellbeing Series: How (and Why) to Practice Acceptance
In the first in our Wellbeing Series, today we’re exploring the benefits of acceptance and how cultivating this practice can be a helpful tool in feeling better over all the days of 2024.
What if this January you started not with change and transformation and self-improvement, but with a sense of acceptance?
You’re probably already having some response to this.
This is not to say don’t try to work towards something you need or value. And it’s definitely not to say accept the systemic injustices that impact how you feel and that might show up in your life on a daily basis.
So what are we talking about?
We all have a general sense of what it means to “accept” something. There are many aspects of life that we could simply “accept” — financial circumstances, unhealthy relationships, unfulfilling jobs, etc.
However, in psychology, acceptance means “taking a stance of non-judgmental awareness and actively embracing the experience of thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations as they occur”. (Hayes et al., 2004)
One of the key ideas underlying acceptance is that difficult emotions are an inescapable part of life: at different times we will find ourselves sad, angry, disappointed, bored, frustrated, grieving, heartbroken, etc. No one, not even the most outwardly steady people, is free of these emotions.
When these emotions inevitably do arise, there are two ways that we can react: resistance or acceptance.
For many of us, resistance is our default reaction. After all, these emotions are not necessarily “pleasant” to experience.
However, psychologists have found that trying to resist or avoid certain difficult experiences can cause further psychological harm. (Hayes et al., 2006)
As Dr Julie Smith says. “Emotions are neither your enemy nor your friend… Emotions are your brain’s attempt to explain and attach meaning to what is going on in your world and your body.”
Why Acceptance Is Important
Studies suggest that acceptance is the healthier option. For example, Tara Brach writes, “believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering” (2004).
Your experience of yourself consists largely of your emotions, thoughts, and actions, and so learning to accept these (even when they seem difficult or undesirable) is a helpful tool for our well-being.
To be more accepting, it can be helpful to reflect on your habitual attitude towards yourself. Ask yourself:
Do you ever speak harshly to yourself about a perceived mistake you made or an embarrassing thing you said?
Are you ever feeling overwhelmed with emotion, and on top of everything, frustrated with yourself for feeling this way?
How might you be able to take a more understanding and gentle attitude towards yourself?
How To Be More Accepting
1. Cultivate acceptance by noticing your resistance
How do you tend to resist your experience?
Do you snack to stave off boredom, or binge TV when you are sad?
Most of the ways we resist our experiences are unconscious—we do not always understand why we do certain things at certain times. So, resistance can become habitual. The first step towards changing any habit is simply becoming aware of its existence.
2. Cultivate acceptance by questioning your patterns
Once you have started to notice when and how you resist your experiences, try to dig a little deeper to consider why these patterns might exist.
When you were sad or angry as a child, how did the adults in your life react?
Did they allow you to work through these emotions, or did they (perhaps with the best intentions) tell you to put on a brave face or stop throwing a tantrum?
Do you think these experiences might have influenced the way you process emotions today?
It might be helpful to write out some of these reflections to remind yourself of your habitual patterns. It can also be a good opportunity for self-acceptance in that you can see that formative experiences, outside of your control, may have shaped your current patterns. The good news is that any pattern is open to change, as long as you are aware of it.
3. Cultivate acceptance by being mindful
So how can we even become aware of our habitual patterns? One way is with mindfulness.
Mindfulness involves both awareness and acceptance of our experience.
A traditional method of practicing mindfulness is through meditation, which involves dedicating some time to simply observing experiences nonjudgmentally. However, you can bring mindful moments into your everyday life, even without meditating.
4. Cultivate acceptance by thinking of your inner child
We are often our own harshest critics.
Accepting ourselves can be difficult because we are most likely so used to judging ourselves for thinking, feeling, and acting certain ways. You would rarely judge a loved one as harshly as you judge yourself.
One helpful technique in the meantime is to think about yourself as a child. This can help remind you of your most innocent and vulnerable self, which may make it easier to be gentle and understanding when your experience is difficult.
5. Cultivate acceptance through practice
Acceptance is just like any other skill: it takes practice. People who are accepting of themselves and others have made acceptance a mental habit by continuously choosing a more accepting mindset over and over again.
After a while, these repeated mental choices become habitual and natural and do not require as much effort.
So, next time you find yourself struggling with difficult emotions, try to use this as an opportunity to practice acceptance.
Remember, acceptance is not the same as resignation. Acceptance refers to acknowledging and allowing your present experience — not necessarily your life situation. Through awareness and practice, you can increase acceptance in your own life and enjoy the benefits that it may bring.
Further Reading
Brach, T. (2004). Radical acceptance: Embracing your life with the heart of a Buddha. Bantam.
Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1-25.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., Bunting, K., Twohig, M., & Wilson, K. G. (2004). What is acceptance and commitment therapy? In A a practical guide to acceptance and commitment therapy (pp. 3-29). Springer, Boston, MA.
If you’re curious about how to bring more acceptance into your life this year, we have a couple of options for you right now.
Join our 12-week Find Your Way course where together we’ll learn real wellbeing practices that can better serve our everyday needs, from acceptance practices like these to building a life based on what matters most to us.
Discover how emotions coaching can support you in bringing more acceptance to your emotional life and rewrite some of those feelings scripts that hold you in check (and probably back from your needs). What could accepting all your feelings open up for you?
Almost ready to think about 2024? What if next year we chose acceptance over transformation?
Embrace self-acceptance and even imperfection by seeking a more compassionate and authentic approach to the New Year.
“Discovering ways to feel better doesn’t have to lead to feeling worse. It doesn’t have to be another area in which we fall short. It can be something else entirely different.”
We think we're done with the idea of transformation. We just want self-acceptance. Not in a yes, bring-it-all-on-way, but more putting a boundary around what we're supposed to be doing (i.e. more and more and more) and releasing ideas that no longer serve us. Think more about exploring possibilities and alleviating some of that pressure.
We're tired of constantly evaluating ourselves, tethered to ideas of productivity or the need to conform to an ideal life.
We've been guilty of living life according to a checklist, believing that fixing ourselves is just a matter of following the latest trend.
No longer do we want to project a future, better version of ourselves, neglecting the present reality. Perfection is no longer our goal; embracing life's messiness is what we strive for.
If any of this resonates with you—if you're tired of trying to optimize every aspect of your life—join us in embracing 2024 with a tone of acceptance, compassion, and curiosity.
As we approach January, what if we reconsider the age-old tradition of radically changing ourselves? What if, instead of aiming for drastic transformation this New Year, we embraced a more enduring and impactful approach?
One that helps us remember that our worth isn't defined by what we eat or how many exercises we complete. It's okay if our morning routine isn't picture-perfect and that struggling with meditation for more than a few minutes doesn't equate to failure.
We've designed two incredible approaches to ease into 2024. Choose the one that resonates with you. Both create much-needed alternatives to those resolutions that often fade away.
Say hello to self-acceptance this year and goodbye to all those resolutions
Rediscover Emotional Well-being This Holiday Season: Craft Your Unique Well-being Practice.
Amidst the holiday rush, prioritize your emotional well-being. Explore personalized practices with us to thrive during this festive season.
As the holiday season shimmers into view, it's time for joy, merriment, and connection. Yet, for many of us, it can also mean a rush of overwhelming to-dos, bustling crowds, and a whirlwind of expectations. Amidst this festive fervor, have you found yourself yearning for something else? Maybe even a way to reset and reach for better emotional well-being in your life?
Right now though it might feel like any well-being practices are drowned out by the clamor of daily life. You have no capacity to do more, stretching yourself even thinner; any wellbeing practices that you usually rely on can slip through the cracks of your busy schedule.
But what if this holiday season, we could approach taking care of ourselves differently?
Imagine if you had a set of well-being practices crafted exclusively for you—a bespoke prescription designed to fit into your life, your values, and your unique needs. Sounds intriguing, right?
Here at If Lost we’ve made it our focus to curate personalized well-being practices that can fuel curiosity, build self-acceptance, and bring a sense of play to our everyday lives.
This isn’t about conforming to preset ideals or adding more 'must-dos' to your list. It's about rediscovering what well-being needs to mean for *you*—finding tranquility in nature, fostering deeper connections with those in your life, or simply carving out moments amidst the holiday hustle.
In these 1:1 online personalized sessions, you’ll get to:
🌟 Dive into the Science of Well-being—unpacking the significance of such areas as nature, connection, and giving back—and understand how these elements can attainably weave into your everyday life.
🌟 Discover what drives your curiosity—what brings you joy and what lights that spark of excitement, as well as what's ready to be released.
🌟 Create a sturdy foundation within your routine, offering steadfast anchors to turn to when life feels uncertain.
Your takeaway? A tailored well-being practice that aligns with your daily life—a plan designed to rejuvenate your spirits during this bustling season.
Imagine savoring the holidays with renewed calm, energy, and curiosity. It's not just about surviving the festivities; it's about thriving amidst them.
Ready to make this holiday season about rediscovering your emotional well-being? Reach out to us and let's craft your unique well-being practice today.
How to navigate midlife and (peri)menopause with Edwina Jenner
Are you experiencing the challenges of midlife and the menopausal transition? Health coach Edwina Jenner helps us navigate this time with more confidence, intention and self-compassion.
The journey through midlife and perimenopause can be a challenging and transformative time for many women. The myriad of physical and emotional changes during this phase can often leave us feeling overwhelmed and uncertain. That's why we invited Edwina Jenner, an experienced health coach specializing in menopause, to shed light on this often misunderstood stage of life.
Understanding Perimenopause
Perimenopause is the transitional period leading up to menopause when the body begins to produce less estrogen. This phase can last for several years and is characterized by a variety of symptoms, including hot flashes, mood swings, sleep disturbances, and menstrual cycle changes. Understanding these bodily changes is crucial to ease symptoms and maintain a high quality of life during perimenopause.
Navigating Midlife
Midlife represents a significant transition, both physically and emotionally. It's a time when women often re-evaluate their lives and contemplate their future. It can also be a period of increased stress, as women juggle the demands of work, family, and personal health. However, with the right strategies and support, midlife can also be an era of personal growth, self-discovery, and renewed vitality.
Edwina Jenner's Expertise
Edwina Jenner has dedicated her practice to guiding women through the complexities of midlife and perimenopause. Her extensive knowledge and compassionate approach have empowered numerous women to better understand their bodies, manage symptoms effectively, and embrace the changes that come with this life stage. Edwina's insights and coaching can support you in approaching midlife and perimenopause with confidence and grace.
What’s next?
Whether you're in the midst of perimenopause or just embarking on your journey through the shifts of midlife, remember that you're not alone. With the guidance of experts like Edwina Jenner and the support of a community of women going through similar experiences, you can navigate this transition with strength and resilience. Embrace the changes, cherish the journey (where you can, because it’s hard), and look forward to the wisdom and fulfillment that this stage of life can bring.
Find out more about Edwina Jenner on Instagram and Facebook.
Find out more about midlife and menopause coaching at If Lost
Ready to be found? How to find your way when you’re lost in life.
Discover the key to nurturing your mental health and enhancing your emotional wellbeing. Explore effective strategies and expert insights to support your mental health journey and cultivate a lasting sense of emotional balance and wellness.
In recent years, we’ve noticed that more and more of us are finding ourselves lost, struggling with our mental health and emotional well-being. Sometimes this manifests within ourselves, sometimes in our own lives, and sometimes out in our interconnected world.
We’ve seen it in our clients as they grapple with an indescribable unease, feeling adrift, disconnected from their days, in search of a destination but unclear about where that would even be.
We’ve seen it in our friends, our families, and the people in our communities. It's evident in the small moments - in the eyes of parents dropping off their kids, where conversations about the weather have transformed into discussions about inflation, war, and environmental challenges.
And we're not exempt from this experience. We've had our own days of uncertainty, thoughts slipping through our fingers, and goals that felt elusive. The constant "what now" and "what next" can be deafening
It's a shared feeling, a collective yearning for solid ground in a world that seems ever-changing.
Perhaps you're right in the middle of it all, juggling countless responsibilities, and trying to make sense of it. You're in the mix of obligations, losing sight of your own desires and even your true self.
You might be battling feelings of uncertainty, overwhelmed by the chaos, feeling disconnected, and anxious. Maybe you've lost your footing, even your way.
But the question lingers: where do you begin? Which path should you follow? Where do you want to be if not here, at this moment?
We’re here to guide you through the process. We'll explore the steps you can take when you find yourself in this state of being lost. Together, we'll help you reconnect with yourself, reignite your curiosity, build confidence, and find presence in your life.
Think of us as your mental health and emotional well-being guides. We're here to support you in finding your way.
STEP 1: LEARN HOW TO REGULATE YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM
Learning about the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems helped us orientate ourselves. The former responds to (perceived) danger and triggers our fight or flight response, the latter helps us feel calm and restored by activating our 'rest and digest' system. To shift from one to the other, find an embodiment practice that you like, such as breathwork, dancing, or grounding in your five senses.
STEP 2: IDENTITY WHAT SAFETY LOOKS LIKE TO YOU
Find a safe place, whether it's a person, environment, thought, or belief. Recognize cues in your surroundings and know where to seek help when needed.
STEP 3: BRING IN SELF-COMPASSION
Remember, feeling lost is not your fault. Practice self-compassion and reframe negative thoughts that bring judgment or shame. Acknowledge your courage in trying, even when things don't go as planned.
STEP 4: KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES, YOUR HARD NO’S
Understanding your boundaries is essential. Honor what you can or cannot tolerate, even if it may seem unconventional to others.
STEP 5: TALK IT OUT
Give yourself the space to reflect on your priorities and struggles. Consider booking a one-on-one session to gain clarity and confidence in navigating life's challenges.
By following these steps, you can find your way and regain a sense of purpose in your life. We understand the feeling of being lost, and we hope that these strategies will help you move closer to better mental health and emotional well-being.
Lost in... Books | A Podcast Playlist
Discover the best podcasts on books. Our favourite podcasts to read more, discover new books, and talk about the latest great read.
We’ve made a Podcast Playlist for you to take on your next walk, to accompany you on your drive, and to make tidying the house just a little less tedious.
This month we’ve curated a podcast playlist about our most favourite thing: books.
This round-up includes our favorite podcasts and episodes that:
help us find the next great read,
give us a fresh perspective on the one we can’t put down,
or go searching on our shelves for the one we read ages ago and have been inspired to read again.
This playlist covers all the ways we need and want books in our lives.
We hope you enjoy it as you go trampling through the autumn leaves.
Let us know what your favorite bookish listens are. Which podcasts and episodes would you add?
Life advice for the spiritually-curious
Feeling like there's something else, but you don't know what? Some meaning out there that you've yet to locate? Hannah Carey, founder of Rewild the Empress, talks to us about being Spiritually-Curious and how that's helped her find herself.
Today we have a guest post from Hannah Carey, the founder of Rewild The Empress, a place and community in which there is infinite space for self-acceptance.
In Hannah’s practice, she supports the spiritually curious as they navigate, discover and recommit to living in an authentic and aligned way: “to be the me you were always meant to be”. Rewilders often come from a place of feeling destined for more and, at the same time, fear they may not be enough or that they are unfulfilled and failing. Something that Hannah has experienced first-hand as she writes here:
Spirituality for me has become about confronting the conscious unrest within us.
But it wasn’t always that way: I was brought up in an informally Christian household, was baptised and attended traditional schools in which formal religion, regular chapel attendance and hymns were woven throughout the school week. My weekends ended on Sundays at 6 pm with a Sunday Service or Hymn Practice, the school’s version of informality.
Internally I was already rejecting the patriarchal God our Father, the Almighty and the governor of us all. It wasn’t me and didn’t align with my values of Freedom, Authenticity and Personal Growth.
And yet my heart rejoiced when an entire congregation of people sang in unison and in troubled times I found the voice in my head speaking to a higher power – I assumed God.
And so commenced the constant narrative of right or wrong, god or no god, and the general black-and-white thinking that goes with this, which might also be familiar to you.
As a teenager (pre-google, damn and pre-mainstream internet access) I bought tarot cards and explored. I read about paganism, and astrology. I aligned with nature and the cycle of the year. But wasn’t this “Witchcraft”? I couldn’t call myself a witch and be taken seriously – at 15 I knew enough to know that it was safer to keep it quiet.
Years passed by and in the many times of existential crisis in my 20s I muddled through beating myself up with the shame stick (it’s one of my personal favourites – what’s yours?). I figured I was agnostic, got married in a church because I rationalised that there was ‘something there’ and it may as well be God and continued to aspire to success and fitting-in-ness so unaligned with my personal values I wound up deeply misshapen and lost. I viewed it as ‘just the way it is’ and carried on.
But that internal compass just wouldn’t let it go. The conscious unrest ebbed and flowed like a tide and every so often I allowed my inner self a small win… I closed a ‘successful business’ searching for more. I took a slight detour down ‘what the fuck were you thinking avenue’ and finally landed at a rest stop in which I dusted off my tarot cards, took a deep breath and shuffled.
Death, The Emperor, The Hanged Man and 10 coins stared back at me. Plain as day my ‘god’ was telling me – Change it girl. You are meant for more.
Hannah is one of our ‘People We Love’ - handpicked practitioners who can help us feel better in our lives. To work with Hannah reach out to her here (we may get affiliate fees which help support our work but in no way influences who we choose to feature).
Hannah offers coaching in all areas of life whilst exploring your personal version of spirituality.
By recognising where systems, structures and history may have led you astray, unpicking family dynamics, the messaging you took on from the big people around you as you grew up, and your beliefs and the “shoulds” that keep you small and unfulfilled, you’ll get to re-decide and choose to do life differently.
Whether it’s through modalities like Astrology, Human Design, or the lunar cycles, you will get to connect with yourself and deepen your self-awareness. Hopefully, from working with Hannah you’ll discover that there is a glorious permission and freedom that comes from knowing you are whole and OK just as you are.
How nature can help us feel better in our everyday lives
How can we broaden out what nature can be for us: the micro gestures that have us listening for bird songs to the bigger-ask ones that have us hiking up mountains? Discover more of nature’s wellbeing benefits.
You do not need to be ‘outdoorsy’ to access nature’s benefits for our mental health and emotional well-being.
We know that we needed to hear that. It can often feel like the entry point to the natural world can be so high, and involve trips to REI, extensive bush-crafting knowledge and an orienteering certificate.
We’re definitely not saying hike in flip-flops or wander into the wilderness without knowing what you’re really taking on. But we are saying there are many, many ways to find yourself in the natural world and to do so in some really simple ways.
We love National Parks, but we also love that field we walk through after dropping our kids off, and that lake we can wander around with a close friend while having a chat on a Sunday morning. We get so much from looking out the window and catching sunsets, or planting something in our garden and willing it to grow (this one is very mixed for us). We feel happy around trees (though slightly less happy in the middle of a forest), and take us to any beach at any time and our hearts will sing. There’s a way into nature for all of us.
Here are just some of the ways to explore where your curiosity might take you as you find ways to wander through the natural world (with not a blistered hiking boot in sight).
To read:
How to overcome eco-anxiety
The Norwegian love of friluftsliv and why being in the fresh air can help us all feel good
A secret sanctuary created with hope in Los Angeles
How a search for female gardeners combatted this writer’s loneliness
How bad air quality is connected to depression later in life
Inspiring books for going outside
A land art masterpiece in the Nevada desert
How to assess the benefits of nature and walking in nature
To do:
Become a community scientist and discover the animals in your neighborhood
Discover The Gardening Mind on Substack
Join 72 Seasons
Plant organic seeds
To watch:
To discover:
How can we broaden out what nature can be for us: the micro gestures that have us listening for bird songs to the bigger-ask ones that have us hiking up mountains?
How do you see nature as something that affects your emotional well-being and mental health?
Let us know how you navigate this aspect of your everyday life.
How to bring a sense of wonder back to your everyday life
Discover how a sense of wonder can bring more meaning, joy and connection into your life
“Let yourself go past those thoughts that tell you it’s silly or pointless or a waste of time, or you’re far too busy to possibly do this...Instead give yourself permission to want that in the first place — to crave that contact with the sacred, and that feeling of being able to commune with something that’s bigger than you are.”
We started to notice wonder in our everyday lives during the first pandemic when our worlds became small but our attention needed to roam. That sense woke up for us then. Birds we never noticed before held our attention for a moment longer than we ever thought they could. We noticed skies and stars and the movement in the trees. We focused on a single program (Normal People anyone) while not texting or a Ted talk which we might once have scanned while doing 100 other things, allowing it to endure in our minds and not dissipate as the next video played. We stayed in moments because we had nowhere to go.
Now we’re back to some kind of normal, the challenge here is to sustain that wonder-driven life so that we can keep our minds open and stretch our worlds. How to do that? Through new (or once lost) hobbies that connect us with nature, the visual arts or music, looking up from our phones and noticing the world around us (and maybe even the moon above us), and by allowing ourselves to be lost in big ideas and imaginary worlds that we wouldn’t ordinarily visit.
Below we share some recent reads on the science behind wonder, some things to try, and places to visit to access it in all our everyday lives.
Where will wonder take you?
Why wonder can be so beneficial to our emotional and mental well-being:
Finding awe amid everyday splendor
How to absorb wonder in small spaces and enchant your life
Discovering Pacha, a word that contains multitudes
This will make your head spin. What is life really?
Starting a bookstore to save a marriage (because bookstores = wonder for us)
A Wonder List: follow ours, make your own, chase your curiosity
The weighted blanket of the public library
The Webb Telescope and our stunning universe
More dark skies and night-welcoming lighting
Prehistoric Planet and just about anything David Attenborough
Vermeer. Maybe always.
Ai Weiwei again
The Poetry of Sarah Kay
How do you feel about wonder? And how could you connect with its benefits for your emotional and mental well-being?
If you’re curious about it and want to see how it can help you find more joy, meaning and connection in your life, sign up for Find Your Way. In this Well-being Reset that puts what you like first, we’ll explore how to find more wonder in your everyday life. Wonder is just one of the ten Pathways we’ll follow together as we explore all that life can offer us.