What to Do When Life Falls Apart and You Feel Lost

There are moments in life when the ground gives way without your consent.

You didn’t choose the ending. You didn’t plan the disruption. A relationship ends because someone else makes a decision. A parent dies. A health diagnosis lands. A job disappears. And suddenly you are standing outside the life you built, holding pieces that no longer fit together.

In my recent conversation with Ray Martin on A Thought I Kept, what struck me most wasn’t the romance of fourteen years of travel. It was the year that came before it. In a single stretch of time he lost his marriage, his business partnership, and his father The identity he had constructed — successful businessman, husband, son— fractured all at once.

He didn’t wake up one morning and decide to reinvent himself. Life pushed him out.

And that is often how it happens.

When something unexpected pulls the rug from under us, the first instinct is to restore what was. To fix. To replace. To rush toward a new beginning so we don’t have to sit in the in-between. Ray became fascinated by this middle space — what William Bridges calls the neutral zone The place where the old life has ended but the new one hasn’t fully formed. From the outside, nothing looks dramatic. Inside, everything is shifting.

If you are in that space, it can feel disorienting. You might not recognise yourself. The roles that once organised your days no longer apply. The confidence that came from knowing who you were can wobble. You may feel lost not because you are indecisive, but because the map you were using is no longer valid.

Ray’s core thought — the one he kept — is living in surrender

Not surrender as defeat. Not resignation. But surrender as a different way of orienting when control has already slipped from your hands.

He began to pay attention to where his energy went. After visiting an elephant sanctuary and an orphanage, he couldn’t stop thinking about them. Instead of dismissing that tug as sentimental, he followed it. That eventually led him to train for and run a marathon to raise money, something he had never imagined doing before

What I take from that is not “run a marathon.” It is this: when life has already dismantled your plans, perhaps you can afford to listen more closely to what quietly draws you.

Unexpected endings often strip us back to something more elemental. Ray speaks openly about how, earlier in life, he overrode his instincts in order to stay in character After everything fell apart, he found he could no longer ignore those nudges. He began treating life as a series of experiments rather than a fixed destination

There is something gentle in that framing. If you have been kicked out of the life you built, the pressure to “get it right” next time can be immense. An experiment carries less weight. It allows you to try, to notice, to adjust.

Another shift that came for him was around feeling. He moved from living primarily in his head to allowing himself to express emotion more freely. That matters when we are navigating grief, anxiety, or overwhelm. Emotional states are not permanent addresses. They are places we pass through. Letting yourself feel does not mean you will be swallowed by it. Often it means the feeling can move.

He also rethought the idea of “ties.” Work, relationships, community, home. The issue, he suggests, isn’t being tied to something. It’s being unconsciously tied When life tears away a tie without your permission, there can be freedom hidden inside the shock. Not the freedom you would have chosen, but the freedom to ask: what do I now choose, consciously?

Later in the conversation, Ray talks about calculating how many days he might have left — around 5,700 at this stage Not as a dramatic countdown, but as orientation. If time is finite, what is worth fighting? What can be softened? What is no longer necessary?

When the unexpected happens, we often look for certainty. For guarantees. For a clear five-step plan. What Ray’s story offers instead is steadier and perhaps more honest. You may not get certainty. But you can cultivate attention. You can notice what feels alive, even faintly. You can allow the neutral zone to do its quiet work inside you.

Being lost is not always a failure of planning. Sometimes it is the inevitable consequence of loving, committing, building — and then losing.

If you find yourself outside the life you built, perhaps the question is not immediately “What should I do next?” Perhaps it is “What is drawing me, even now?”

You can listen to the full conversation with Ray on A Thought I Kept:

And if you are in the middle of your own unexpected transition, our coaching sessions at If Lost Start Here offers a place to think, feel, and find your footing again without pressure to rush toward a new identity.

You are allowed to be in between. You are allowed to listen before you leap.

Struggling With Comparison? Rethinking Confidence and Self-Trust

This is how it might go. You’re scrolling, or reading, or listening to a podcast, and you notice a flicker of feeling when someone else shares good news. A promotion. A book deal. A confident post about work they love. You’re pleased for them — genuinely — and yet something tightens. A question forms that you don’t quite want to look at too closely.

What does this mean about me?

Moments like this don’t usually come with drama. They’re small, everyday, easy to brush past. But they can linger. And over time, they shape how we see ourselves, how we show up at work, and how much space we allow ourselves to take.

This week on A Thought I Kept, I spoke to Nicky Denson-Elliott, and she brought a thought that disrupted that familiar inner pattern:

In order for me to win, no one else has to lose.

It’s one of those ideas that seems obvious when you first hear it and then quietly radical the longer you sit with it.

Because so much of our inner landscape has been shaped by the opposite belief. That success is scarce. That confidence belongs to certain people, not others. That if someone else steps forward, there’s less room for us. These ideas don’t usually announce themselves as beliefs. They show up as feelings: comparison, jealousy, self-doubt, hesitation.

Nicky spoke about how deeply this conditioning runs, especially for women. How it can shape our relationship with money, confidence, and visibility. How it influences the way we price our work — often not based on its value, but on what feels safe. How it quietly sets women against one another, even when connection and solidarity are what we most want.

What’s important here is that none of this is a personal flaw. These are not thoughts we invented. They’re learned. Reinforced. Picked up over time in workplaces, families, schools, media, and culture. When they surface, they can feel intensely personal but they rarely originate there.

And when life already feels full or uncertain, carrying these inherited ideas can make everything heavier. You might notice it in how hard you are on yourself. In the way you second-guess decisions. In the tension you feel around confidence — wanting it, distrusting it, worrying what it might cost.

One of the most grounding parts of the conversation with Nicky was her refusal to replace one set of rules with another. There was no invitation to be bolder, louder, or more confident in a performative sense. Instead, she talked about noticing. About recognising when a familiar reaction appears and asking, with curiosity rather than judgment: Is this actually mine?

That question alone can create a shift.

Because when we start to see that some of our thoughts are inherited rather than chosen, we don’t have to wrestle with them in the same way. We don’t have to argue ourselves out of feeling jealous or small or unsure. We can simply recognise the pattern, and loosen our grip.

This matters not just for our inner world, but for how we move through everyday life. Especially work. Especially relationships with other women. Especially moments where confidence feels like something other people have access to, and we’re still figuring it out.

Letting go of the myth of competition doesn’t mean pretending everything is fair or easy. It doesn’t mean denying ambition or discomfort. But it does open up a different orientation — one where someone else’s success doesn’t automatically diminish our own, and where confidence can be something we grow into, rather than something we perform.

For many of us, this kind of rethinking doesn’t arrive as a neat turning point. It shows up gradually. In small pauses. In moments where we choose not to rush to judgment — of ourselves or others. In the realisation that uncertainty doesn’t mean we’re failing; it often means we’re paying attention.

If you’ve been questioning old ideas about success, money, confidence, or what it means to be doing “well” in life, you’re not behind. You may simply be noticing that the old maps don’t quite match the terrain anymore.

Nicky’s thought offers a steadier way of orienting. It reminds us that life isn’t a zero-sum game. That generosity — toward ourselves and others — isn’t naïve, but grounding. And that self-trust doesn’t come from fixing or perfecting ourselves, but from recognising which beliefs were never designed to support us in the first place.

You don’t need to know what comes next. You don’t need to replace every thought at once. Sometimes it’s enough to notice which ideas make life feel smaller, and to wonder — without urgency — what it might be like to set one of them down.

If this resonates, listen to the full conversation with Nicky on A Thought I Kept.

And if you need help exploring some of the feelings you have around comparison — jealousy, self-doubt, hesitation — or what confidence even means to you, explore our emotions coaching sessions.

Feeling Stuck Until You’re “More Confident”? Curiosity Might Be a Better Place to Start

“I’ll do this when I feel more confident.”

We tell ourselves we’ll speak up, make the change, apply for the role, take ourselves seriously, or move forward once confidence arrives. Once we feel braver, clearer, more certain about who we are and what we want.

But confidence has a habit of staying just out of reach.

Not because there’s something wrong with us, but because confidence is rarely the starting point we imagine it to be. For most people, confidence grows through experience, not before it. The problem is that waiting to feel confident can keep us stuck, circling the same questions, postponing decisions, and quietly reinforcing the idea that we need to become someone else before we’re allowed to act.

This is where curiosity offers a different way in.

Curiosity doesn’t ask you to believe in yourself. It doesn’t require certainty or bravery. It simply invites you to explore. What would happen if you tried this? What might you notice if you took one small step, not to prove anything, but to learn?

When you approach change with curiosity, the stakes are lower. You’re not asking yourself to succeed; you’re allowing yourself to gather information. A conversation becomes an experiment rather than a test. A new direction becomes something you’re exploring rather than committing to forever.

This shift matters because it changes how we relate to ourselves. Instead of measuring every move against an imagined ideal, curiosity keeps us in contact with our actual experience. Each step, however small, offers insight rather than judgement. Over time, that insight builds self-trust — and confidence follows.

Many people who want to feel more confident are really looking for something deeper: a sense that they can trust themselves, that they’re allowed to make choices without constant second-guessing, that they don’t need to have it all worked out in advance. Curiosity supports that kind of confidence because it stays close to what’s real. It helps you learn what fits, what doesn’t, and what feels meaningful in your own life.

If you’re feeling stuck, unsure, or waiting for confidence before you move forward, curiosity can be a more accessible starting point. It allows movement without demanding certainty. It gives you permission to begin where you are, rather than where you think you should be.

If confidence, decision-making, or feeling stuck are recurring patterns for you, coaching can be a supportive space to explore them more deeply. Coaching isn’t about fixing you or telling you what to do; it’s about understanding what’s going on beneath the surface and finding ways to move forward that feel steady, realistic, and impactful.

You don’t need to wait until you feel confident. You can start by getting curious.

Recognizing the Moment Change Arrives

You might not notice it at first.

The pivot point of life isn’t always dramatic. It doesn’t always come as a bolt of lightning or a cinematic moment of clarity. Often, it’s quieter—a realization whispered in the stillness, a feeling that won’t let go, a sentence you catch yourself saying under your breath:

"Something has to shift."

Maybe it’s exhaustion from a situation you can’t tolerate anymore. Maybe it’s a spark of curiosity about what else could be possible. Maybe it’s simply that tiny flicker of okay—the moment you stop resisting and start allowing yourself to see a different way forward.

The question is: How do you recognize it? And what do you do when you do?

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How to Know When Change is Calling for Your Attention

If you’re standing at the edge of something different but unsure if it’s time, consider these signs:

• You feel restless, even when everything looks fine on the surface.

• Your current life doesn’t quite fit anymore, like a sweater that has shrunk in the wash.

• You keep circling the same thoughts, sensing that what worked before isn’t working now.

• You find yourself drawn to new ideas, places, or people who reflect a version of yourself you haven't fully stepped into yet.

• You hear yourself saying “I can’t do this anymore” or “There has to be another way.”

If any of this resonates, change might already be in motion—even if you can’t see the full picture yet.

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What to Do When You Know It’s Time

Start Small:

The biggest misconception about change is that it has to be sudden or drastic. It doesn’t. Sometimes, the most profound shifts begin with one small step—a conversation, a decision, a quiet commitment to yourself.

Embrace Discomfort:

Change is rarely easy. The moment right before transformation often feels the most uncertain. But discomfort doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path; it means you’re cultivating something new.

Get Clear on Your “Why”:

What are you moving toward? If the answer is “I don’t know yet,” that’s okay. Sometimes, all you need to know is what no longer fits. The clarity about what comes next will follow.

Reframe Setbacks:

Feeling stuck or taking a step backward doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re learning. Every moment of hesitation or doubt is part of the process—it’s data, not defeat.

Surround Yourself with Support:

You don’t have to navigate change alone. The people, spaces, and resources around you influence your ability to step forward. Find those who help you move in the direction you want to go.

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You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out—You Just Have to Begin

Here’s what we know:

The best time to change isn’t when you feel completely ready—it’s when you recognize the need for change.

Every significant transformation begins with a single decision to explore what’s next.

If you’re at that pivot point—standing at the threshold but unsure how to step through—we’re here to help.

Explore our coaching sessions.

This isn’t about forcing a transformation. It’s about clearing just a little more space—so you can finally see what might be ahead.

How to Know It’s Time for a Change: Understanding Avoidance vs. Approach Motivation

Something needs to change. But what?

Maybe you’ve been circling the same thoughts for weeks, months—years even. You know something isn’t working, but the specifics feel murky. Should you quit the job? End the relationship? Finally book the coaching session, sign up for the course, or move to that city you can’t stop thinking about?

Or maybe it’s more subtle. A feeling of restlessness. A quiet dissatisfaction. You keep going through the motions, but a part of you knows: this isn’t it.

So how do you know when it’s time to change?

One of the most powerful ways to understand your desire for change is through the lens of “avoidance motivation” and “approach motivation”— two psychological forces that shape every decision we make.

And once you understand which one is driving you, the next step becomes clearer.

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Are You Running Away or Moving Towards?

Every decision we make is guided by either avoidance motivation or approach motivation.

• Avoidance Motivation is about moving away from something that feels bad—pain, stress, burnout, dissatisfaction.

• Approach Motivation is about moving towards something that feels good—fulfillment, excitement, joy, purpose.

Both are valid. Both are powerful. And both can be the spark for real change.

The key is knowing which one is currently guiding you—and whether it’s enough to propel you forward.

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Avoidance Motivation: When You Just Can’t Anymore

Avoidance motivation kicks in when you hit your limit.

It’s when:

• You can’t face another Sunday night dread before Monday.

• The relationship is more draining than supportive.

• Your body is exhausted from stress, but you keep pushing through.

• You feel trapped, uninspired, disconnected from yourself.

• It’s the feeling of enough is enough.

And yet, while avoidance motivation can push us to act, it doesn’t always lead to intentional change. It can be reactive—quitting impulsively, burning bridges, retreating without a plan.

If avoidance is your main driver, pause. Ask yourself: What do I actually want instead? Not just what you want to escape, but what you want to move toward.

Because that’s where approach motivation comes in.

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Approach Motivation: When You Feel Pulled Towards Something More

Approach motivation feels different.

It’s when:

• You get a spark of excitement thinking about what could be.

• The idea of a new path feels energizing, not just like relief.

• You’re drawn towards something, even if it’s uncertain.

• You start imagining a version of your life that fits better.

Approach motivation is about expansion rather than escape.

When you make a change based on what excites and compels you—rather than just what you’re running from—you’re more likely to create something lasting and meaningful.

But here’s the challenge: many of us wait until avoidance motivation is unbearable before we take action.

We wait until we’re drowning in burnout before we rethink work.

Until a relationship is completely broken before we acknowledge it’s not right.

Until we hit rock bottom before we start listening to ourselves.

What if we didn’t wait?

What if we started paying attention the moment we felt that first pull towards something better?

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Where Are You Right Now?

If you’re standing at the edge of change but feeling unsure, ask yourself:

• Am I more focused on what I want to leave behind, or what I want to move towards?

• Is this decision based on desperation, or is there something I’m genuinely excited to create?

• If I gave myself permission to change, what would I step into?

And if the answers feel unclear, that’s okay. This is the work we do.

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Your Next Step: Let’s Find Your Direction

Change doesn’t have to be something you have to struggle with alone. Whether you’re running away from something that no longer fits, or being pulled towards something you can’t quite name yet, we can help you navigate this moment.

Our coaching sessions are designed for this exact stage of life. The one where you know something needs to shift, but you’re not sure what—or how.

Explore our coaching sessions here

The first step isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about deciding that you’re ready to explore what’s next.

We’ll be here when you’re ready.

Feeling Numb or Detached? Here’s How to Gently Reconnect with Yourself

If you’re reading this and feeling a sense of numbness, detachment, or even a deep exhaustion, know that you’re not alone. Right now, so many of us are feeling stretched thin, like we’re simply existing but not truly engaging with our lives. It’s easy to feel lost in this state, wondering why we’re not feeling the way we “should” or wishing we could just feel something.

Emotional numbness, detachment, and burnout are often responses to prolonged stress and overwhelm. Our minds and bodies are doing their best to protect us, even if it doesn’t always feel “helpful”.

Here are some gentle steps that can help us reconnect with ourselves, one small moment at a time.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Exactly How You’re Feeling

It might seem counterintuitive, but the first step toward reconnecting with your emotions is often to give yourself permission to feel numb or detached. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way, that numbness isn’t a “bad” feeling. Sometimes, simply acknowledging our current state is enough to start loosening its hold. Try saying to yourself: “I’m feeling numb right now, and that’s okay.”

2. Engage in Simple, Sensory Activities

When we’re numb or detached, it can help to focus on bringing ourselves back to the physical world. Small, sensory activities can reawaken that feeling of connection without overwhelming us. Try sitting with a cup of tea and noticing its warmth in your hands, going for a slow walk and listening to the sounds around you, or even splashing water on your face. These small acts remind us that we’re here, in the present moment, without forcing any big feelings.

3. Prioritise Rest Without Guilt

Burnout and emotional detachment often stem from overdoing or over-caring. Allow yourself to rest without any guilt or expectations. Sometimes, the very act of giving yourself a break—whether it’s a nap, a few minutes with a book, or an evening off from obligations (and the news)—can be the start of healing. Remember, rest isn’t a reward; it’s a necessity.

4. Connect with Others at Your Own Pace

When we feel numb or detached, connecting with others can feel like the last thing we want to do. However, gentle social connection can help us reconnect with our emotions in a safe, supportive way. If a full conversation feels too much, consider sending a quick message to a friend or sharing a quiet moment with a loved one. Small, low-pressure interactions can remind us of our place in the world.

Take it One Gentle Step at a Time

If you’re feeling numb, detached, or burned out, remember that you don’t need to “fix” anything right now. Instead, give yourself the grace to move through this season slowly, reconnecting with yourself in ways that feel light and manageable. Your emotions will return, bit by bit, and when they do, you’ll be ready to welcome them with compassion.

If you’re looking for more support in understanding and reconnecting with your emotions, consider booking an emotions coaching session with us. We’re here to meet you exactly where you are.

How to cultivate a creative mindset in your daily life for better well-being

What would happen if you cultivated a creative mindset in your everyday life? If you’re well-being practices came from a perspective of play, curiosity, and openness?

This mindset isn’t just limited to engaging in creative activities; it’s also about fostering an environment and attitude that encourages creative approaches to human flourishing.

How could you get creative with your life?

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 Key strategies to cultivate a creative mindset:

1. Embrace Curiosity:

Curiosity drives exploration and fuels the desire to learn, which are essential for creativity.

Make a habit of asking questions, seeking new experiences, and learning new skills. Studies show that curious individuals tend to be more creative because they are constantly seeking new knowledge and experiences.

When you bring a creative mindset to your well-being practices you’ll be more open to exploring ideas that can help you feel better. You’ll also remove some of the self-judgment that can accompany either not getting to or even believing you're failing at the self-care practices that you’ve chosen.

2. Practice Mindfulness:

Mindfulness enhances focus and awareness, allowing you to fully engage with the present moment and your creative process.

Incorporate mindfulness practices such as meditation, mindful walking, or mindful art-making into your routine. Mindfulness has been linked to increased creativity and problem-solving abilities.

When you apply this to your well-being practices, you can find ways to connect more with your needs in the present moment. Not who you’ll be when x happens or when you reach a certain goal, but who you are now, how you feel in this moment, how you experience life right now. You’ll find ways to feel better in the practice of your everyday life rather than in some distant future.

3. Create a Stimulating Environment:

Your physical and social environment can significantly influence your creativity.

Surround yourself with inspiring objects, art, and people who encourage and challenge your creative thinking. Design your workspace to reflect your creative aspirations and ensure it is conducive to creative activities.

Create an environment that supports your well-being; beautiful things that help you feel good, books that hold the epiphanies you need, reminders of happy moments and future goals. Define what living within a context of creative well-being looks like to you.

4. Adopt a Growth Mindset:

A growth mindset, the belief that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work, fosters resilience and the willingness to take risks.

Embrace challenges, learn from criticism, and persist in the face of setbacks. Carol Dweck’s research shows that individuals with a growth mindset are more likely to pursue creative endeavors and persist through difficulties.

As you embark on new well-being practices hold onto the idea of ‘not yet’. You may not have reached the place you want to be, but that doesn’t mean you’ll never get there. It just hasn’t happened yet.

5. Engage in Regular Reflection:

Reflecting on your experiences helps you understand your creative process and identify areas for improvement.

Keep a creativity journal to document your ideas, inspirations, and reflections on your creative activities. Regular reflection can help you recognize patterns and develop new strategies for fostering creativity.

Take time out to connect with your thoughts and feelings, to have a regular dialogue with yourself, so that you can understand what you need that day from your well-being practices and what you’d like to most focus on in your everday life. 

6. Balance Structure and Freedom:

A balance between structure and freedom provides a framework for creativity while allowing for flexibility and spontaneous ideas.

Set aside specific times for creative activities while also allowing for unstructured, free-flowing creative sessions. Studies suggest that having some structure can help in organizing thoughts and ideas, while freedom allows for exploration and innovation.

You’ll need both as you bring a creative mindset to your well-being. Define the framework in which you’ll be approaching your life, and then meander in all kinds of directions within it.

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Approaching your well-being with a creative mindset might open up new possibilities for feeling better. You might also find that you start to enjoy all those practices you currently believe you have to do. Bring play and possibility to how you approach your everyday life.

By focusing on cultivating a creative mindset, you can integrate creativity into your daily life more effectively, enhancing both your well-being and your creative output.

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Further Reading and Resources:

Books:

•  Mindset: Changing the Way You Think to Fulfil Your Potential by Carol Dweck

• Big Magic: How to Live a Creative Life and Let Go of Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

• The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life by Twyla Tharp
   

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The Creativity Cure | How creativity can positively impact your well-being

In the moments when we feel most stuck or disconnected, we can overlook how turning to creative practices could help us feel better.

Engaging in creative activities has been found to boost mental health, improve our mood, and help us feel more connected to ourselves and the world around us.

Sometimes though the routine of work, chores, and responsibilities can leave little room for creativity and self-expression. We can get caught in a cycle of endless tasks and relentless deadlines.

If we also have a natural interest in creative pursuits, we can find this lack of an outlet leads us to feel blocked and uninspired. We can start to miss the joy of creating for the sake of creating.

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5 Ways to access the well-being benefits of creativity

 If you’re curious about exploring your own creativity for well-being purposes, or you long to reconnect with your artistic side, here are some steps to get you started.

1. Try New Creative Outlets:

Experiment with different creative activities, such as painting, writing, dancing, or playing a musical instrument. Trying new things can spark your creativity and open up new possibilities.

2. Set Aside Creative Time:

Make time for creativity in your daily routine. Set aside a specific time each day or week for creative activities, and treat it as a non-negotiable part of your schedule.

3. Join Creative Communities:

Connect with others who share your creative interests. Join local art classes, writing groups, or online communities where you can share your work and get inspired by others.

4. Embrace Imperfection:

Don't worry about creating something perfect. Allow yourself to experiment, make mistakes, and have fun with the creative process. The goal is to enjoy the activity itself, not just what it produces.

 5. Seek Inspiration:

Surround yourself with inspiration by visiting museums, attending concerts, reading books, or exploring nature. Inspiration can come from anywhere, and exposing yourself to new experiences can fuel your creativity.

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Creativity offers numerous ways to reconnect with yourself, other people, and the world around you.

How could you fold more creative activities into your everyday life, so that you can feel happier?

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Find your way to more creativity

Creativity is one of our company’s core values. It’s also one of the areas of our lives that we explore in our online well-being course Find Your Way.

Here’s just a glimpse into how we’ll help you explore more creativity in your everyday life so that you can feel good.

If you’re curious about how to bring more creativity into your life for better well-being, learn more about Find Your Way here.

Reignite your spark: 5 playful ways to nourish your curiosity and boost your well-being

When we’re feeling a bit lost, disconnected, or overwhelmed, we might not think of taking the temperature of our curiosity. Instead, we might try to eat better, move more, or sleep in.

But cultivating more curiosity in your life can be a game-changer serving as the very fuel you need to guide you back to a place of joy and connection.

But how to do this when curiosity can feel harder to nourish than our bodies? Let’s explore five playful ways to feed your curiosity and lift your spirits.

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1. Dive into independent magazines: Your new paper adventure

Sure, we all love a good digital scroll, but there’s something magical about flipping through the pages of a magazine. It’s the very kind of tactile and analog experience that we might all be losing touch with.

Independent magazines can be your go-to for a refreshing dose of inspiration. Visit indie magazine stores like Magalleria in Bath or Mag Culture in London and wander the aisles for new reads. Or subscribe to services like Free Range Magazines and Stack Magazines to get a surprise read delivered to your door.

Indie magazines often cover niche topics and unique perspectives that you might not stumble upon otherwise, sparking new interests and ideas.

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2. Discover new Podcasts: Your portable therapy and entertainment

Podcasts are like a buffet for your brain — there’s something for every palate. We’re always hunting for new takes even as we add another new listen to our queue.

Great resources for discovering new shows include Feed the Queue and Your Next Podcast. Whether you’re driving, walking, or just chilling at home, a good podcast can be both a companion and a guide through life’s complexities.

Podcasts can introduce you to big ideas, new perspectives, or even a bit of free therapy.

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3. Explorer days: Rediscovering the joy of local adventures

Ever feel stuck in a weekend rut, not knowing what to do? Enter "Explorer Days," a fun way to rebrand leaving the house and discovering new places. It’s a simple reframe that can help you break free from your routine and explore the possibilities of nearby places.

Here’s how it works: Create your own Explorer Formula. Yours could involve visiting an indie coffee shop, a bakery, a creative space, and a bookstore — ideally with a scenic spot nearby. Or maybe it needs to include charity shops, a local museum, and a pub, preferably with some greenery around.

Some of our favorite places to explore include Lyme Regis, Totnes, Stroud, Point Reyes, and Alameda. What’s your explorer formula? Share your favorite spots!

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4. Embrace the experiment: Tiny glimmers of curiosity in daily life

Life can sometimes feel like an endless to-do list, but weaving small moments of curiosity into your day can make a huge difference. Create and have to hand feel-good prompts to help explore new things and keep your curiosity alive. These can be little micro-adventures you can do anywhere, whether you’re out and about or cozy at home.

Adopting a mindset of experimentation means being open to trying new things, even if they’re just tiny tweaks to your daily routine. Maybe it’s a new recipe, a different route for your daily walk, or a spontaneous visit to a local art gallery. The key is to stay curious and open to where these small changes can lead you.

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5. Books, always: Reconnect with the magic of reading

Now that life has gone on Zoom, it can be easy to forget the joy of getting out of the house and connecting with inspiring people in-person. Seek out author talks and literary festivals and discover how enriching these experiences can be. You’ll leave feeling inspired and with a fresh perspective.

If getting out feels like a chore, remember that there’s always the simple pleasure of getting lost in a good book at home. Books can be gateways to new worlds, ideas, and conversations. You might already find yourself surrounded by books you haven’t shelved yet, but there’s a certain joy in that organized chaos.

For a seamless blend of curiosity and convenience, pair a good book with a related podcast. This way, you can dive deeper into topics that fascinate you.

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Over to you: Where could your curiosity take you?

Now that you have these playful ways to nurture your curiosity, which will you choose to do? Where do you go to feed your curiosity already? How could curiosity connect to your mental and emotional well-being?

Remember, curiosity isn’t just about seeking information — it’s about opening your mind and stretching your world. While online curiosity can lead us down endless digital rabbit holes, true curiosity thrives in the real world, where books, people, and natural wonders abound.

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More Curiosity, More Joy

Curiosity is one of our company’s core values, which is why we created our Well-being Prescriptions. You’ll discover how curiosity can enhance your mental and emotional well-being. You’ll also get to create curiosity-based practices to help you feel happier, calmer, and more confident.

Whether you’re navigating life’s twists and turns or simply seeking to add more adventure to your days, the tools and prompts you’ll learn will help you harness your curiosity in ways that feel right for you.

Your only challenge? To see how you best feed your curiosity. Happy exploring!

Discover your inner strengths: A guide to boosting confidence and fulfillment

What are your strengths?

How do you feel about me even asking that? Do you feel comfortable talking about all that is great about who you are and how you naturally function in the world? Even having this conversation can be difficult for people. We’re told so often not to boast, not to get too big for ourselves, even that there is something uncouth about singing our own praises. Maybe answering just this question will bring something up for you.

But research shows that identifying our strengths and folding them into our lives:

• helps make decisions (we can assess if the options available to us align with our strengths and where they don’t)

• makes us more energized and engaged as we learn where and how we want to put our focus;

• and enhances our well-being, sense of life satisfaction, and overall feelings of happiness.

So right now, let’s get the resistance piece out of the way. This is the part where we celebrate who you are because discovering your strengths will help you find your way. And that my lovely is ok.

Below are some ideas to get you started. We’ve woven through some of the research of Jolanta Burke and Jonathan Passmore on how to think about your strengths. The key here is to figure out something they call a “Strengths tilt”: “an individual’s interests and preferences, as well as the ways in which strengths are uniquely applied in each person, in order for them to live their lives in alignment with their values.”

Let’s find out how you can uniquely understand your strengths and then apply them or tilt your life in their direction.

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Step 1: Play a little & take a quiz:

There are a ton of quizzes out there to help you find your strengths. Here are some that we like (if you subscribe to our newsletter we talk about some more we like there):

1. Authentic Happiness: we recommend PERMA, Strengths Finder & The Authentic Happiness Inventory (from Martin Seligman)

2. The Four Tendencies (from Gretchen Rubin)

3.  Introvert versus Extrovert (from Adam Grant at Ted)

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Step 2: Get to know yourself & ask some questions:

Take whatever you like to write with, and whatever surface or device works for you, and jot down your responses to these questions:

• Explain a situation where you were in flow. What were you doing? Who were you doing it with? What were you working on?

• How did you get here? What does it tell you about yourself?

• What do you like to teach others?

Keep in mind something that Passmore and Burke called “Strengths Blindness”: “individuals not appreciating their strengths and viewing them as something common and ordinary, rather than something that needs to be celebrated and developed further.”

Learn how your strengths talk to each other. Passmore and Burke call this: a “Strengths Constellation”: ”the interactions of strengths with each other. For example, an individual who frequently uses the strengths of fairness and bravery would be more likely to stand up for someone who is unfairly treated than those who score highly in fairness but low in bravery”. With this in mind, reflect on these questions:

•  How do your strengths speak to each other?

• What consistently shows up for you that maybe doesn’t with others?

And if there’s some resistance here that might be “Strengths sensitivity”: which “may occur in clients who are being criticized around their strengths or when they discuss the negative aspects of their strengths.”

•  How could what others think about your strengths affect how you use yours?

• What have you been told to hide, that you no longer want to?

• What’s your secret strength that you are ready to make space for?

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Step 3: Now bring your strengths into your life & learn how to integrate them

There’s the knowing piece, and there’s the doing piece. For you to get to the place you want to go, you need more than awareness. The next part is all about movement: In what ways can you now bring in your strengths to align with who you are? Take each of your strengths — the ones you want to invite in — and brainstorm what you can commit to doing in each area of your life that you’re looking to shift. Or take a look at this list for inspiration on how to use your strengths to boost happiness.

Keep in mind that the more you increase the number of positive strengths that you use, the greater the positive impact this has. Dr. Laurie Santos in her course on The Science of Wellbeing has identified 4-7 as the sweet spot (the number that tips a job to a calling for instance).

So what’s next for you? How can your strengths help you find your way?

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If you’re interested in exploring more about who you are and how you best show up in the world, explore our coaching options. From exploring your strengths to identifying your values, you’ll find ways to reconnect with yourself when life feels uncertain or you feel like you have lost your way.

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The paradox of opposing truths in our lives

In our journey toward better well-being, we often seek clear, straightforward answers. Yet, life has a way of presenting us with paradoxes — situations where two seemingly opposing truths coexist. Embracing this concept can be a game-changer, helping us navigate the complexities of our emotions and decisions with greater ease and acceptance.

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The balancing act of self-care and productivity

Consider the balance between self-care and productivity. We are often told to prioritize our well-being, to take time for ourselves, to recharge. Simultaneously, we are encouraged to maximize our time, fill our moments with relentless passion, push our limits, and never allow ourselves to rest.

Many of us find ourselves constantly torn between these two ideals. On one hand, there is a desire to excel in our careers, to make the most of our time, and to be recognized for hard work. On the other hand, there is an urgent need to slow down, to listen to our bodies, and to nurture our mental health. The societal pressure to choose one path over the other can leave us feeling conflicted and frustrated.

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Embracing the paradox

The turning point comes when we realize that these two truths are not mutually exclusive. It is possible to be productive and still honor the need for self-care. By embracing this paradox, we can find ways to integrate both aspects into our lives. Scheduling regular breaks and self-care rituals doesn't have to mean compromising professional goals. In fact, by taking care of ourselves, we can become more productive and focused at work.

This duality — holding space for both productivity and self-care — allows us to flourish in ways we hadn't imagined. The key is to stop viewing these needs as opposing forces and start seeing them as complementary parts of a whole.

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Finding peace in complexity

By acknowledging that two opposing things can be true, we open ourselves up to a more nuanced understanding of our lives. For anyone seeking direction and well-being, this realization can be incredibly liberating. It means that feeling lost and confident at the same time is valid. It means that wanting to be independent yet craving connection is natural.

Embracing this paradox can lead to profound shifts. It encourages us to let go of the binary thinking that often limits our growth and instead, appreciate the richness of our experiences. By allowing ourselves to live in the "both/and" rather than the "either/or," we create a more compassionate and flexible approach to life.

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The power of paradox

In a world that often demands clear-cut answers, recognizing that two opposing things can be true offers a refreshing perspective. It invites us to accept the complexity of our emotions, decisions, and experiences. For all of us now navigating the intricate paths of our lives, this acceptance can be a powerful tool for learning and well-being.

So, let's celebrate the paradoxes, embrace the dualities, and find our way with a newfound sense of peace and balance.

By reflecting on our own lives, we can begin to see the beauty in the balance and the strength in embracing opposing truths. This mindset shift not only helps us feel better but also empowers us to thrive amidst life's many complexities.

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Be Well, Better

Sign up for our newsletter to receive “Five Ways to Approach Your Well-being” so that it works for you. Discover how to create your unique way to well.

Embracing uncertainty: how to thrive when you feel lost

In a world full of constant change and unpredictability, it's completely normal to feel a little adrift. You’re not alone if you feel this way. Many of us are now unsure of where we are and even where we’d like to be.

But what if we told you that being lost could actually be a good thing? Today, we’re going to explore how embracing uncertainty can help you feel better in your everyday life (it’s counter-intuitive we know but stay with us).

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Finding beauty in the unexpected

Imagine you’re on a road trip. The GPS stops working, and you have no idea where you are. Panic sets in. You start to worry about what could go wrong. But then, as you take a deep breath, you notice the beautiful scenery around you — the kind you would’ve missed if you had been following the right path. A moment of being lost turns into an unexpected adventure, filled with new discoveries and experiences.

Life is much like this road trip. We often crave certainty and control, but the truth is, that uncertainty is a regular part of life. Embracing this can lead to profound both new learning and a more fulfilling life.

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Locating balance: comfort and challenge

So, how do we shift our mindset from fearing the unknown to welcoming it? It starts with understanding that uncertainty is not only normal but also beneficial.

Here are three key areas to focus on:

Accepting Uncertainty

Uncertainty is a constant in our lives. Even when we make plans, there's always an element of unpredictability. Rather than fearing this, we can learn to accept it. Acknowledging that complete certainty is unattainable can be liberating. It allows us to release the weight of trying to control everything and instead, focus on what we can manage.

For example, think about the last time something unexpected happened in your life. Maybe it was a surprise visit from a friend or a sudden change in plans that led to a new opportunity. These moments, though initially unsettling, often bring unexpected joy and growth.

Brene Brown, in her research on vulnerability, calls uncertainty ‘the torture chamber’ but also emphasizes its link to vulnerability. By braving uncertainty, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and personal growth. The next time you feel unsure, remind yourself that it's an opportunity for something new and potentially wonderful.

Taking Risks

Avoiding risks means missing out on life's richness. It's not just about big life changes like switching careers or moving to a new city. It's also about the small, everyday risks—like trying a new hobby, joining a community group, or speaking up in a meeting.

Taking risks, even small ones, can enhance our resilience and confidence. It can improve our decision-making skills and help us develop new talents. More importantly, it builds self-trust. Each time we step out of our comfort zone and take a risk, we learn to rely on our abilities and judgment.

Consider the last time you took a small risk. Maybe you attended a social event alone or tried a new workout class. Reflect on how these experiences, despite their initial discomfort, contributed to your growing sense of self.

Balancing Ease with Discomfort

In our quest for a simpler, more comfortable life, we often eliminate challenges and frictions that are essential for our experiences. While ease is important, it’s the texture of life—the ups and downs, the unexpected twists—that makes it vibrant and meaningful.

We need to strike a balance between seeking comfort and embracing discomfort. Think of it like a well-balanced diet. Too much comfort can lead to stagnation, while too much discomfort can be overwhelming. Finding the right mix helps us live a fuller, more engaged life.

Reflect on the moments that brought unexpected joy. Maybe it was a spontaneous trip, an unplanned conversation, or a challenging project at work. These experiences, while initially uncomfortable, often become our most cherished memories.

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Navigating life's beautiful uncertainty

Embracing uncertainty, taking risks, and balancing ease with discomfort can transform the feeling of being lost into an opportunity for growth and discovery. By shifting our mindset, we can replace fear and self-doubt with awe, curiosity, playfulness, and courage.

So, the next time you feel lost, remember that it's okay. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s an opportunity to explore new paths, discover new strengths, and live a richer, more fulfilling life.

How will you navigate your journey of uncertainty and possibility?

How will you embrace being just a little bit lost?

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Next steps

Feeling lost and uncertain? Discover clarity and confidence with our personalized coaching sessions designed to help you reconnect with your true self and navigate life's challenges. Take the first step towards a more fulfilling life today.

Book a free consultation and start your journey to finding your way. Embrace the unknown with expert guidance and transform your uncertainty into empowerment and joy.

Where do you want life to take you?

Mental Well-being Series | How to overcome perfectionism

Ever feel like you’re constantly chasing an impossible standard? You’re not alone. Many women grapple with the pressures of perfectionism, feeling lost in the pursuit of flawlessness. But what if we told you that striving for perfection might actually be holding you back?

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How perfectionism impacts women's well-being

Picture this: You’re excelling at work, managing your home life, and still finding time to help friends and family. Yet, despite your successes, you feel exhausted, anxious, and never quite satisfied. You spend countless hours double-checking everything, afraid of making even the tiniest mistake.

This constant fear of failure leads to sleepless nights and chronic stress. This scenario is all too common for many women who push themselves to the brink, driven by the need to be perfect.

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Understanding healthy vs. unhealthy perfectionism

This experience illustrates the dual nature of perfectionism. While striving for excellence can lead to remarkable achievements, when it crosses into the realm of maladaptive perfectionism, it becomes detrimental. Understanding this balance is crucial for our well-being.

So, how can we recognize and overcome unhealthy perfectionism to lead more fulfilling lives?

1. Set Attainable Standards

Reflect on your goals and ask yourself if they are realistic. Unrealistic standards set you up for disappointment. Break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks.

2. Embrace Flexibility

Life is unpredictable. Learning to adapt to changes and adjust your expectations can relieve a lot of pressure. Flexibility allows you to navigate life's ups and downs with more ease.

3. Reframe Mistakes

Mistakes are inevitable. Instead of viewing them as failures, see them as opportunities for growth and learning. This shift in perspective can reduce the fear and anxiety associated with perfectionism.

4. Seek Support

Sometimes, overcoming perfectionism requires external help. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in helping you identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors.

5. Celebrate Progress

Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Recognizing your progress helps build self-confidence and reduces the constant pressure of striving for an unattainable ideal.

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Finding fulfillment beyond perfection: Your path to well-being

Perfectionism, when kept in check, can be a powerful motivator. However, when it becomes excessive, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and a perpetual sense of dissatisfaction.

By setting realistic goals, embracing flexibility, reframing mistakes, seeking support, and celebrating progress, we can transform our approach to perfectionism. This shift in approach allows us to enjoy our achievements and navigate everyday life with confidence and contentment, imperfections and all.

Remember, you are enough just as you are. Embrace your journey, and let go of the need to be perfect.

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Ready to overcome your perfectionist tendencies? Join our community at If Lost Start Here and start your journey towards a more balanced, fulfilling life.

Sign up for our newsletter to receive our favorite well-being tips, support, and resources tailored to help you embrace imperfection and thrive.

Create your path to clarity and calm by discovering your unique way to well

Feeling overwhelmed by the demands of everyday life? Many women today are searching for ways to navigate their busy schedules with more ease and purpose. Discover how our self-guided wellbeing course can help you reclaim your well-being and move forward with confidence.

Your Journey Towards Self-Wellness

Imagine taking a moment to pause and reflect on your current state, identifying areas of your life that feel cluttered and distracting. This simple act of reflection can give you a clearer picture of where to focus your energy. This is the first step, Taking Stock, in our self-guided online course designed to help create a personalized well-being practice.

As you move through the course, you’ll learn to Embrace Change. Letting go of old habits and beliefs can be liberating, making space for new growth. You’ll begin to live more intentionally, aligning your daily actions with your core values and goals.

The concept of Frequent Resets will become your new mantra. Regular, small adjustments can keep you aligned with your aspirations and prevent you from getting stuck.

You’ll explore how to Integrate New Practices that support your well-being, such as creative pursuits and adventures in nature.

Refreshing your life in meaningful ways—whether it's reevaluating relationships or learning to have a healthier relationship with your emotions—can give you a renewed sense of energy and purpose.

Finally, by Investing in Yourself, you’ll discover the joy of dedicating time and resources to activities that enrich your life, resulting in increased happiness and fulfillment.

Create Your Own Well-Being Practice

Many women have found themselves on a similar journey, seeking ways to feel more connected and less overwhelmed. Our online self-guided course is designed to help you create a tailored well-being practice that fits seamlessly into your daily life. It’s about learning to live with intention and acceptance, making small, attainable changes that lead to a more fulfilling life.

What You’ll Learn in Our Course

1. Take Stock: Gain clarity on what needs your attention.

2. Embrace Change: Let go of what no longer serves you.

3. Live Consciously: Make mindful choices aligned with your values.

4. Reset Frequently: Keep your life dynamic and forward-moving.

5. Integrate New Practices: Support your health and happiness.

6. Refresh Your Life: Create a renewed sense of energy and purpose.

7. Invest in Yourself: Find joy and fulfillment in personal growth.

Join Our Course Today

Imagine waking up each day with a sense of clarity and calm, knowing that you’re investing in your well-being in ways that truly matter. Our course is your guide to creating a well-being practice that’s uniquely yours.

Start your journey today and discover how to navigate your life with more ease, purpose, and joy. Click here to enroll in our online self-guided wellbeing course now.

Embrace the Magic of Midlife

Are you navigating the winding roads of midlife? You're not alone; in fact, one of us is right there with you, experiencing all the highs and lows of this transformative period.

The Midlife Awakening

Whether you're fully entrenched in midlife or supporting someone who is, understanding this phase can be a game-changer. Midlife brings a whirlwind of thoughts about aging, self-image, purpose, and relationships. The what-ifs and what's-to-comes might wake you up at 3 a.m., as frequently as those nighttime sweats do. Anxiety often feels like a constant companion, alongside that trusty retinol cream.

You look in the mirror and sometimes struggle to recognize the person staring back. The meticulously built life might not align with who you are today. Your career, relationships, and daily routines may no longer spark the joy they once did, leaving you wondering what's next.

Midlife challenges us to reassess our identities, paths, and future aspirations. Yet, within these challenges lie opportunities for rediscovery and new possibilities. It's a chance to get curious about life again, even amidst the brain fog and hot flushes.

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From Lost to Found

So, how do you transition from feeling lost in midlife to reconnecting with yourself? Here are a few guiding principles to help you navigate this journey:

The Ebb and Flow:

Recognize that there will be good and bad days. Navigate these cycles with grace, adjusting your to-do lists and emotional awareness accordingly.

Adopting a Threshold Perspective:

Embrace this in-between stage as a chance for exploration. It's okay not to have all the answers yet.

Getting Quiet:

Create space for self-reflection through practices like journaling, meditation, or quiet walks. Listen to what you really think and feel to gain clarity.

Midlife can be both challenging and rewarding, but you are not alone. There are more resources available than ever to support you through this stage. From books and podcasts to organizations and apps, you can find the tools you need in ways our mothers never could.

Step into Your New Chapter

Inspired by our personal experiences, we've designed a range of 1:1 midlife coaching sessions to provide you with the support and tools you need to navigate midlife positively. We'll explore why you feel the way you do, address anxiety and self-doubt, and help you recognize how your values and goals are evolving.

We'll delve into well-being practices that can make you feel better, one step at a time. Midlife may sometimes feel like a confusing and disorienting rethinking of everything, but it doesn't have to be navigated alone.

Here are some of the benefits you'll experience:

• Personalized Guidance: Tailored strategies that align with your values and goals.

• Emotional Support: Navigate the emotional ups and downs of midlife with confidence.

• New Perspectives: Discover new possibilities and reignite your passions.

• Improved Well-being: Learn well-being practices that enhance your overall quality of life.

If you're ready to explore what's next and reconnect with yourself, come and talk to us. Our expert midlife coaches are here to support you through these middling moments, helping you rediscover the magic and potential of midlife.

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Midlife is a time of change—let’s make it a time of possibility. Sign up for our mailing list to receive insights, tools, and guidance to help you navigate midlife with more clarity, confidence, and ease. Because this chapter is yours to shape. Join us here

How journaling can positively impact your well-being

I recently attended a Writing Workshop for Well-being at The Write Place in Frome led by Christina Sanders, an educator, poet, and fiction writer. During a Saturday morning session, both seasoned writers and complete beginners explored how the simple act of putting words on a page can help us connect with the wonder of life, slow down, deepen our awareness, and unleash our imagination.

James Pennebaker, a social psychologist, was one of the first to highlight the emotional benefits of expressing our thoughts and feelings through writing. His studies, along with those of others, have demonstrated that expressive writing can help us feel less isolated, identify our emotions, and connect with our needs. Moreover, it can assist in processing trauma and alleviating depression.

Writing is a powerful, generative practice. It helps us make sense of our thoughts and feelings, allowing us to write to understand, to get unstuck, and to be curious. Writing encourages us to pay attention to what’s happening inside us as well as in the world around us. And importantly, it can be a source of fun, enabling us to play with our imaginations and give our minds the freedom to roam—even into silliness!

One of the most remarkable insights from the workshop was how quickly writing could create a positive shift. Although the workshop lasted three hours, the actual exercises were just 5 to 10 minutes long. Even these brief exercises were enough to bring about a sense of well-being.

Below, I’ve included five short exercises adapted from Christina’s prompts. These combine freewriting—where you keep writing without stopping, letting whatever comes up flow onto the page—with journaling exercises.

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Five Short Writing Exercises for Well-being

Five-Minute Freewrite:

• Set a timer for five minutes

• Start writing and don’t stop until the timer goes off.

• Write whatever comes to mind without worrying about grammar or structure. Just let your thoughts flow.

Write a dialogue:

Take as your subjects the different parts of yourself (e.g., your anxious self and your calm self). This can help you explore inner conflicts and find resolutions. This can also support you in better understanding your inner dynamics and find balanced solutions.

• Identify two aspects of yourself that are in conflict.

• Write a conversation between these parts, allowing each to express its perspective.

Gratitude Journaling:

•  Spend five minutes writing about things you are grateful for.

• Focus on the details and how these things make you feel.

Imaginary Journey:

• Imagine a place where you feel completely at peace.

• Spend ten minutes describing this place in as much detail as possible.

• Allow your imagination to take over and enjoy the process of creating your peaceful haven.

Visual Prompts:

Using images as prompts can stimulate creativity and emotional expression. This exercise can help you explore emotions and uncover hidden thoughts.

• Find a photograph or piece of artwork that resonates with you.

• Spend 10-15 minutes writing about what you see, how it makes you feel, and any memories or thoughts it evokes.

Try these exercises and see how writing can enhance your well-being. Remember, the key is not to self-edit as you go along. No one else needs to read what you write—not even you. The goal is simply to get your thoughts and feelings down on the page, no matter how messy or meandering they may seem.

Try to write regularly, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day.

You might be surprised by what emerges from your scribbles. Give it a try, and you’ll see the benefits for yourself.

Happy writing!

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From self-doubt to self-belief: Strategies to overcome Imposter Syndrome

Ever felt like a fraud, even when in reality you’ve got this? Hands up if you’ve ever experienced Imposter Syndrome!

At the recent Bath Festival, Dr. Jessamy Hibberd, the brilliant mind behind The Imposter Cure, asked a packed room if they’d ever felt this way. Spoiler alert: nearly everyone raised their hands! Turns out, about 70% of people have experienced Imposter Syndrome at some point. You're definitely not alone!

A Quick History Lesson on Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome was first identified by researchers in 1978 when they discovered that many high-achieving women, including those in academia, felt like frauds even though they were more than qualified. These women were fearful of being found out and believed that their success and accomplishments were based on external factors like luck or other people’s mistakes, rather than their abilities. The study concluded that Imposter Syndrome was widespread among high-achieving women and this led to wider recognition of the term. The concept would be expanded to apply to men — 50% of whom feel it too — as well as people from different backgrounds and professions.

So, What Is Imposter Syndrome?

In short, it’s the sneaky belief that we’re not worthy of our achievements. Even when we’re outwardly successful, we think we’re not good enough. Dr. Hibberd calls these “faulty beliefs.” Many of us are busy doubting ourselves. When we approach life from a place of anxiety — from fearing we’ll get found out — that can make it impossible to give ourselves the space to learn, grow, and experiment. Sound familiar?

We also think everyone else has it all together. We see others’ shiny success stories and hold ourselves to impossible standards, trying to be the best version of ourselves. It’s exhausting!

Meet the 5 Imposter Types—Which One Are You?

1. The Perfectionist: Believes there’s a right and wrong way to do everything.

2. The Soloist: Is hesitant to ask for help.

3. The Natural Genius: Thinks they need to get it right on the first try.

4. The Expert: Feels they need to know everything before starting.

5. The Superwoman/man: Strives to be perfect in all areas.

These can lead us down two not-so-fun paths: Avoidance (hello, procrastination!) and Overwork (burnout, anyone?). Which one’s your go-to?

Finding Your Grounding in Self-Belief

Dr. Hibberd suggests some impactful strategies to combat Imposter Syndrome:

• Self-Compassion: Swap self-criticism for self-awareness. Talk to yourself like you would to a friend.

• Challenge Your Beliefs: Keep a record of your daily successes and strengths. This helps shift how you see yourself.

• Be Aware of Biases: We all have a 'negativity bias' (always on the lookout for threats) and a 'confirmation bias' (seeking proof of what we believe).

The Antidote in The Imposter Cure

In her book, Dr. Hibberd delves deep into practical, science-backed strategies to help you reframe your thoughts and silence your inner critic. Here are some gems from the book:

• Visualization Techniques: Picture your success and visualize overcoming challenges.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Exercises: Change negative thought patterns with simple yet effective CBT practices.

• Daily Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to reinforce your worth and capabilities.

Sharing Is Caring

Sitting with a group of fellow doubters at the Guildhall, I realized the magic of saying, “That’s me too.” It’s a reminder that we’re not alone. We’re all in this together, and we’re all more ‘normal’ than we think. Let’s take a deep breath and let go of that weight because many of us are exhausted from carrying it around with us.

Ready to Move Beyond Imposter Syndrome?

Check out Dr. Hibberd’s The Imposter Cure. Or, let’s have a chat. Book a free 20-minute call to see how a 1:1 coaching session with one of our Certified Coaches can help you navigate and conquer Imposter Syndrome.

Well-being Series: How to set long term well-being goals

One of the questions we hear the most when working with people on their mental and emotional well-being plans is this: but where do I start?

A great place to begin is by asking yourself what you even want well-being to do or be for you. What are the goals you have around well-being? Is it for more energy or more rest, more connection or more space, more excitement or more calm?

We each arrive with very different needs for our mental health and emotional well-being plans and we’ll need to set very different goals to meet them.

So here we’ll look at what goals are and how to set them to your well-being needs so that you can feel better in your everyday life.

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What are goals?

Goals, broadly speaking, are defined as the desired states that we seek to obtain, maintain, or avoid (Nair, 2003). Long-term goals can be defined as a set of goals that need a longer period to achieve. For example, they could be goals related to our education, career, relationships, fitness, etc. Long-term goals require planning and sustained effort, so they can be a bit trickier to achieve than shorter-term goals.

Here are some tips to get you started.

How to reach long-term well-being goals

1. Set specific and challenging well-being goals.

It turns out that we achieve more by setting specific goals that are a little bit bigger or challenging, but not too challenging. If we set easy goals, we often don't achieve as much as we could because we don't push ourselves quite as hard.

2. Set meaningful well-being goals.

Reaching goals that you care about is easier than reaching goals you don't care about. So it's helpful to get clear on what you do care about from the start, and what is significant about making a plan for your mental and emotional health in your life right now.

3. Set realistic well-being goals.

It can be tricky to know just how much you can achieve. In fact, if you don't believe in yourself, you might set your goals too low and miss out on doing some great things. If you believe in your ability to manifest something, you are more likely to persist until you do. So take some time to dream big and then put on your reality cap to reflect on what is possible. 

4. Commit to your well-being goals.

Humans don't like to disappoint themselves or others. So when we commit to something, we're actually more likely to do it, especially if we share the commitment with other people in our lives.

5. Create a feedback cycle.

Feedback can be helpful so that you know how well you are doing (Latham, & Locke, 2007). Even if you don't have someone to provide feedback for you, you can still put systems in place to give yourself feedback. In other words, you could track your progress on how you're moving towards your well-being goals. That way, you'll know how you're doing.

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Align long-term well-being goals with core needs

Researchers suggest that we are more motivated to fulfill core needs like autonomy, relatedness, and competence (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999). So when setting long-term goals, try to identify how each goal relates to a core need.

For example, 'starting your creative practice' might relate to autonomy because you are free to work on what you want. 'Nurturing friendships' might connect to relatedness. And 'learning something new' might relate to competence.

By identifying how your well-being goals relate to your needs, you'll have a better sense that what you're striving for will actually make you feel good once you get there.

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Phases of long-term well-being goal pursuit

A process for achieving our long-term goals can look like this:

●     Initiation.

Getting started on the goal.

●     Maintenance.

Continuing to work on the goal and execute actions that lead to achieving the goal.

●     Persistence.

Overcoming challenges, setbacks, and emotional issues like exhaustion, boredom, or dissatisfaction.

●     Revision.

Periodic review of the goal to track progress, revise plans, and reevaluate the goal as a whole (Sniehotta, Schwarzer, Scholz, & Schüz, 2005). 

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Sticking to your well-being goals

The thing about long-term goals is that they are ... well ... long. That means they require dedication, determination, and persistence. They require overcoming both tangible obstacles and emotional obstacles. So, some have suggested that in addition to creating an action plan (a plan for what you will do), it can be helpful to have a coping plan (Sniehotta, Schwarzer, Scholz, & Schüz, 2005).

Here are some tips for how to do that:

1. Clarify possible challenges

Anticipating the situations that will slow or stall your progress toward the goal can help you develop a plan for how to respond effectively. Then, creating "if-then" statements for each potential obstacle can help you more easily overcome it.

For example, if I'm exhausted and just need a nap during the time I have set aside for my well-being goal, it's OK because then I have a backup time set up that I only use when I need it.

2. Think about how to overcome distraction

Perhaps the most common obstacle is distraction. Maybe some parts of our long-term well-being goal are boring or hard. Or, there are just a lot of distractions in our lives. That's why putting a plan in place to minimize distractions can be helpful.

For example, we can download an app to pause our emails, log ourselves out of social media, or put a time limit on our internet time. Or, maybe we benefit from headphones to drown out noise. Or maybe we just need a few snacks nearby so we don't have to keep running out to get something.

Think about what distracts you and how you might overcome these things.

​3. Know your challenges

Take some time to think about what's stopped you from reaching past well-being goals. Write these down and then brainstorm what you'll do. Try to be specific (say more than "I'll figure it out!").

For example, if low self-confidence often keeps you from reaching your well-being goals, maybe you use some self-compassion exercises when you find you're getting down on yourself.

By having specific plans in place to cope with your unique difficulties, you can increase your chances of success.

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Take the next step to better mental and emotional well-being

Arrange a free consultation with our resident well-being coach

What well-being goals do you have and how can you achieve them? If you need more help exploring your well-being goals, book a free consultation with our well-being coach.

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References

●      Nair, K. S. (2003). Life goals: the concept and its relevance to rehabilitation. Clinical Rehabilitation, 17(2), 192-202.​

●      Latham, G. P., & Locke, E. A. (2007). New developments in and directions for goal-setting research. European Psychologist, 12(4), 290-300.

●      Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. J. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: the self-concordance model. Journal of personality and social psychology, 76(3), 482.

●      Sniehotta, F. F., Schwarzer, R., Scholz, U., & Schüz, B. (2005). Action planning and coping planning for long‐term lifestyle change: theory and assessment. European Journal of Social Psychology, 35(4), 565-576.

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How to create your emotional and mental well-being plan for happier days

In today's fast-paced world, just finding your way to feel better can be daunting. That’s why our online well-being course, "Find Your Way," offers a distinct approach to navigating through all the noise.

Our mission is to guide individuals toward enhanced emotional and mental well-being, acknowledging the uniqueness of each person's experience. "Find Your Way" provides inclusive and empathetic personalized support, while drowning out all the messages of what we should be doing with our time, bodies, life.

Here's how you can integrate "Find Your Way" into your daily routine and create an emotional and mental well-being plan that feels good to you.

How to incorporate our well-being course into your daily life

We've structured the course content into easily digestible segments — whether through video, audio, or workbook components. These daily lessons seamlessly blend into your schedule, each lasting approximately 10-20 minutes.

This manageable timeframe ensures you can seamlessly integrate our guidance into your daily rituals, be it during your morning coffee, a work break, or before bedtime. Consistency is key, so find a time that suits you best and make it a dedicated part of your day.

How to tailor our well-being course to your pace

One of the unique features of “Find Your Way” is its flexible duration. Whether it takes you 12 weeks or 12 months to move through the program, the important thing is to progress at your own pace. Set your own rhythm: there's no pressure to rush through the material. Instead, focus on fully absorbing the insights and applying them to your life. This flexibility allows for a truly personalized exploration of your well-being, one based on curiosity rather than anxiety.

How to cultivate a personal connection for support

As co-founders of If Lost, Claire and Amanda act not only as your guides but as companions on your wellness journey. Interact with the content as if engaging in a heartfelt conversation with a supportive friend.

This personal connection forms the cornerstone of the program, providing direct support and empathy. Remember, you're not alone in this; there's a real person, with genuine thought and expertise, guiding you every step of the way.

How to embrace the social purpose behind If Lost

At the core of our course lies a commitment to collective well-being. By participating in "Find Your Way," you contribute to a broader movement towards a more inclusive and supportive wellness culture.

Keep this purpose in mind as you progress through the program, allowing it to inspire and motivate your engagement.

Feeling lost, uncertain, overwhelmed, directionless, or something else? Discover how we can help you create an emotional and mental well-being plan that helps you find your way through life.

You can start this online well-being course anytime. Click on the link below to learn more.

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A glimpse into “Find Your Way”

Discover where this course will take you. How can it help you create an emotional and mental well-being plan of your own making? One that will help you feel better in your everyday life?

Navigating Well-being Your Way

Ever feel like well-being is just this elusive concept that's supposed to magically fix everything? We get it. The struggle is real when it comes to navigating the overwhelming sea of advice, scientific jargon, and endless to-dos just to feel a little better.

Picture this: You're drowning in information, constantly questioning where to start. You know you need something, but exhaustion kicks in before you even begin. And let's not even talk about the time factor – it's like there's a conspiracy against finding a moment for self-care in our hectic lives. Cue the self-judgment.

Then there's the inevitable feeling of failure. That trendy meditation or journaling practice that's all the rage? Nope, doesn't work for everyone. And suddenly, what's meant to be a source of well-being becomes a guilt trip because you can't seem to fit the mold.

Oh, and don't get us started on the 'magazine wellness' fantasy. Breakfast bowls? Try a rushed piece of toast. Herb-infused waters? More like a constant drip of caffeine to survive the daily grind.

But here's the thing: Well-being isn't one-size-fits-all. There's no right way to do it. What works for you might not work for someone else. And that's perfectly okay.

Enter Find Your Way – our 12-week course designed to redefine well-being. No more unattainable perfection, just a messy, fun, and sustainable journey back to yourself. Whether you crave calm or excitement, or need to tackle overwhelm or burnout, we've got you covered.

We've put in the work to create a course that respects your values, beliefs, and the unique shape of your life. It's not about conforming to stereotypes; it's about finding what truly feels good for you.

Starting on January 29th, this course is your personal roadmap to more of what matters – without the pressure. Join at your own pace, with access to our course hub, weekly meet-ups (if you fancy some company), and insights from amazing guest speakers.

Excited to embark on this curiosity-led journey with us? Register now, and let's make well-being your own unique adventure.

Check out our new video for a sneak peek into the course – trust us, you won't want to miss it!

Can't wait to see your faces and connect on a deeper level. Let's make positive mental health a reality, together.

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