Are You Giving All Your Attention to Negative Emotions?
Discover how to balance emotional depth with lightness. Learn from Amanda’s story and explore emotion coaching tools to feel more resourced every day.
When Amanda Sheeren (co-founder of If Lost, Start Here) joined me on A Thought I Kept, she brought a thought that had stayed with her for years:
“Even in the darkness, there is light.”
It sounds simple but it came from a place of burnout, emotional overwhelm, and the quiet collapse that can happen when we believe we’re doing everything “right.”
In the episode, Amanda shares a moment from early motherhood: two small kids, no sleep, therapy for the first time. She described showing up to those sessions thinking she’d be praised for being emotionally attuned. “I was validating every feeling. I was letting my kids be sad, be mad, feel all the things.”
But then her therapist asked her something that stopped her in her tracks:
“Is it possible that you're giving all your attention to negative emotions?”
That was the pivot point.
When Feeling Deeply Becomes Feeling Stuck
If you’ve ever been told to feel your feelings — and taken that advice seriously — you may know this space. You learn that sadness, anger, and frustration are valid. You work hard not to bypass or brush past what’s hard.
But here’s the catch: when we spend all our energy in the shadow emotions, we can forget to make space for joy, hope, and light. And those emotions need practice too.
In emotion coaching, we talk a lot about awareness, validation, and regulation. But there's a step people often miss:
Attention. Where are you placing it? What emotions are getting airtime?
Validating sadness is powerful. But so is dancing in the kitchen. So is naming a moment of peace, or laughing at the squirrel outside your window — something Amanda shares in the episode that shifted how she related to joy.
Emotions are not just there to be survived. They're part of what makes life meaningful — all of them.
What Are You Practicing
In the episode, Amanda reflects on how her own attention began to shift. Not through gratitude lists or forced positivity, but through tiny joys. A squirrel doing something weird. A rainbow on a grey day. The “glimmers,” as some researchers call them.
And with time, those small practices started to grow into something more sustainable — a full-spectrum emotional life, not just a deep one.
Interested in Emotion Coaching?
We offer 1:1 emotion coaching sessions for people wanting to better understand their emotions — parents, creatives, leaders, those who feel a lot and want to feel more resourced doing it.
Explore our coaching offers here
Feeling Like You’re Not Coping in Midlife? You May Just Be Burnt Out
If you feel like you're losing control of your emotions in midlife, you might be experiencing emotional burnout. Here's what it looks like — and what can help.
You used to be able to handle everything. Deadlines. Family logistics. The never-ending inbox. The emotional temperature of the people around you.
But lately?
It’s taking more energy just to get through the day. You lose your temper at things that never used to bother you. You forget words mid-sentence. You wake up already tired. The tears are always closer to the surface than you’d like.
You keep thinking: “What is wrong with me?”
Here’s what we may need to acknowledge — “this isn’t just the usual stress. This could be emotional burnout.”
When You’re Doing It All — and Still Feel Like You’re Falling Apart
For many women, midlife arrives not as a calm plateau, but as a crash of emotional noise.
You’re managing more than ever — ageing parents, growing children, workplace pressures, your own changing body. All while still holding up the emotional scaffolding for others.
And somewhere in all that care and competence, your emotions started to feel less like signals and more like symptoms.
Emotional burnout doesn’t always look like falling apart. Sometimes it looks like holding it all together — until one day, you just can’t
What Emotional Burnout Looks Like (Even If You’re Still “Functioning”)
Emotional burnout in midlife often shows up as:
Feeling numb or detached from things you used to enjoy
Mood swings that feel sudden, sharp, and disproportionate
Overwhelm that hits out of nowhere
Irritability and guilt in equal measure
A loss of confidence in your emotional responses
And yes — hormonal changes can absolutely cause and intensify these experiences. Once you’ve checked this out with a medical professional and you’re still feeling burned out, years of emotional labour, invisible caregiving, and the pressure to keep being “fine”, might also be contributing.
When we’re always trying to fine, we lose contact with what’s real. And emotional steadiness starts with giving yourself the space to see what’s really going on.
There’s a Way Back to Yourself — One Feeling at a Time
Your emotions don’t need to be your enemy — even when they feel messy and out of control. They can also be information. And with the right tools, you can begin to steady them again.
That’s why we created a free resource designed just for women navigating this exact moment.
Download the Free Guide: Feel Better in the Middle of Everything..
This contains five practical tools to help you:
Understand why your emotions feel so intense right now
Reclaim your energy and focus, one moment at a time
Shift the emotional stories you’ve been carrying
Feel less alone, more steady, and more like yourself again
Sometimes you don’t need to overhaul your life — just start with a clearer understanding of what’s really going on.
Download the free guide now and start feeling more like yourself again.
Losing Control of Your Emotions at 48? Here's What's Really Going On (and What You Can Do About It)
Feeling like you’re losing control of your emotions at 48? Here’s why midlife hits hard emotionally, what it means, and how to steady yourself again.
You’ve always been the one who kept it together.
At home. At work. In the moments when other people fall apart, you’ve been the calm one. The capable one. The one who handles things.
But lately, something’s changed. You find yourself snapping over small things. Crying in the car. Waking up with dread or feeling foggy-headed in meetings. You’re asking yourself:
“Why can’t I control my emotions anymore?”
And maybe even, “Am I going crazy?”
You’re not. You’re in midlife — and what you’re feeling is incredibly common. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t deeply disorienting. And it definitely doesn’t mean you have to keep silently pushing through.
“I’ve Always Held It Together — Until Now”
Midlife is often described as a "second puberty" for good reason. For many women in their mid-to-late 40s, it’s the first time that emotional stability — something we’ve prided ourselves on — starts to feel elusive. You may feel like you’ve become a different person almost overnight.
The truth is, this shift isn’t just in your head — and it isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a combination of biological, emotional, and psychological factors that hit at once:
Changing hormone levels can affect mood regulation and cognitive function.
Long-held emotional patterns (like bottling things up to stay professional or strong) begin to break down under pressure.
The stress of managing work, relationships, and caregiving responsibilities compounds everything.
It’s no wonder you feel like you’re holding on by a thread. And it’s no wonder you're asking: When will I feel like myself again?
What’s Really Going On with Your Emotions in Midlife
The good news is: there are ways to make sense of all this.
Understanding why your emotions feel so intense or unpredictable right now is the first step to feeling more steady.
You don’t need to meditate for hours or do a total life reset. You just need the right kind of support — practical, grounded, and designed for your life stage. Not one-size-fits-all advice. Not something that makes you feel broken or too much.
You need:
Language to understand what’s going on internally
Tools to respond to your emotions with clarity, not panic
Support that respects your intelligence, your capacity, and your lived experience
How to Feel Like Yourself Again (Even If You’re Not There Yet)
Imagine having a framework that explains what’s happening beneath the surface — so your emotions feel less scary and more manageable.
Imagine learning how to respond to your feelings without judging yourself, spiralling into shame, or snapping at the people you love.
Imagine feeling like yourself again — but with a deeper understanding of who that is now.
That’s exactly why I created So Emotional — a midlife course and community that helps women like you stop feeling out of control and start feeling informed, equipped, and understood.
So Emotional: A Course + Community for Women in Midlife
This is a four-week, expertly guided course to help you:
Understand why your emotions feel different in midlife
Learn tools for emotional regulation that actually make sense
Build emotional resilience without pretending nothing’s wrong
Reconnect to the steady, capable self you know is still in there
Join the waitlist now to get first access to enrolment and early bird bonuses.
What if feeling is the way through, not the problem?
If you're feeling emotional exhaustion or disconnection in midlife, maybe your feelings aren’t the problem but rather a path back to yourself.
For a long time, I thought the goal was to feel less.
Less overwhelmed. Less anxious. Less reactive.
Less emotional, less sensitive, less tangled up inside.
Because that’s the message we so often receive — that feelings are inconvenient, messy, indulgent, or something to be managed, tidied, improved.
We learn to ask: What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just feel better? Why do I keep reacting like this?
We get good at staying composed.
We learn how to keep the peace, keep the plates spinning, and keep functioning — even when something inside us is quietly aching, aching, aching.
And yet… the more I tried to control how I felt, the more disconnected I became.
Not just from other people, but from myself.
Because somewhere along the way, I’d started treating my feelings as problems. Something to get past. Something to rise above. Something to fix.
But what if they weren’t?
> What if feeling is the way through, not the thing to push past?
What if that low hum of irritation has something important to say?
What if the teariness isn’t weakness, but a signal that something in you still longs to be seen?
What if the numbness isn’t failure, but the body’s way of saying this has been too much for too long?
What if our feelings aren’t dysfunctional — but direction?
What if they’re maps, not mess?
And what if the only thing we need to do is listen?
Not fix. Not perform. Not perfect.
Just pause long enough to name what’s actually there.
I’ve started doing that more often. Just naming the emotion — even quietly to myself.
Not the surface-level one (“I’m stressed”), but the real one underneath.
I use a simple practice: naming the layers of what I’m feeling.
Sometimes what I call “busy” is really anxious.
Sometimes what I call “flat” is actually grief.
Sometimes what I call “nothing” is just too much noise in too many directions.
And every time I name it, something softens.
I don’t suddenly feel amazing.
But I feel real. I feel here. I feel true to myself, even if I’m still in the middle of something I can’t quite explain.
And maybe that’s the point.
Not to get rid of our feelings.
But to walk through them, with gentleness, and find our way to ourselves again.
Because you don’t need to be less emotional.
You just need to be allowed to feel — in your own time, in your own language, in a life that’s allowed to be complex and layered and messy and still deeply beautiful.
You’re not broken because you feel everything.
You’re not behind because you feel nothing today.
You’re not wrong for needing more softness, more space, more time.
You’re human. And you’re allowed to feel all of it.
That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.
Our Emotions Coaching for Midlife Sessions
Unsure of what you’re feeling in midlife? Our 1:1 emotions coaching session offers a supportive space to explore all your emotions — whether that’s anxiety, sadness, or something else.
Learn how a greater understanding of your emotions can help with shifts in relationships, career, self-identity, and more.
Discover how our emotions coaching sessions for midlife can help you make sense of all you’re feeling, or even resisting, right now.
If you’re struggling with all you are feeling in midlife (or trying not to feel), subscribe to our newsletter for practical skills and new perspectives on navigating this time of your life.
The Lost Art of Reaching Out (Especially When You Don’t Feel Like It)
Feeling disconnected but too overwhelmed to socialise? Here’s how to gently rebuild your sense of community and connection — even when it feels like too much.
Sometimes, connection feels like a beautiful idea that belongs to someone else’s life.
You want it — the warmth, the welcome, the sense of being seen — but everything in your body says not now.
You're burnt out. Anxious. Tired from holding too much for too long.
And instead of reaching out, you slowly slip back. Into silence. Into solitude.
You tell yourself that it’s just for now. But now has been a while.
If that’s you? You’re not failing. You’re human. And you’re not alone.
Many of us are here right now, wanting to connect but not quite knowing how to.
Why We Pull Back When We Most Need People
When life overwhelms us, our nervous systems do something wise: they protect.
They shut things down to help us survive. Socialising — even with people we love — can feel like one demand too many.
The problem is: we still need people. We are hardwired for connection.
It’s a core human need — not a nice-to-have.
But the modern world hasn’t made that easy.
Loneliness is rising, even as we become more digitally connected. According to the Mental Health Foundation, 1 in 4 adults in the UK feel lonely some or all of the time. And among those dealing with burnout, that number climbs even higher.
And yet, when we do connect — even briefly — we feel the shift.
Tiny interactions can co-regulate our nervous systems. A nod from a neighbour. A friendly moment with a stranger in a queue. A text back from someone we haven’t heard from in a while.
The secret is this: connection doesn’t need to be big to be meaningful.
What If We Started Small?
The invitation here is not to “join a group” or “go to more things.”
It’s to experiment with connection that fits you now.
Maybe that looks like:
Sitting in a café instead of scrolling at home — just being in proximity to others.
Texting one person to say: thinking of you, no need to reply.
Wandering a local bookshop or museum, where other quiet people gather.
Volunteering, not for the social aspect, but because doing something small that matters feels grounding.
Attending a gentle yoga or movement class where connection is built through shared breath, not small talk.
Let the moment be enough. You don’t need to stay long.
Just notice how your body feels before and after. Maybe a little lighter?
Rebuilding Trust in People
Reconnection isn’t just about other people. It’s about learning to trust that it’s safe to be seen again. To believe that the right people will meet you where you are.
You don’t need to fix your burnout first. Or wait until you’re “back to your old self.”
The act of connecting — even in the smallest of ways — is part of the healing.
And connection doesn’t mean constant availability.
You can have boundaries. You can take breaks. You can be someone who dips in and out, without explanation.
Because community isn’t a performance. Its presence that you can choose.
What If You Tried One Tiny Reach?
What would your version of a gentle reach look like?
A walk with someone you enjoy talking to?
A visit to a familiar café?
A class where no one expects anything from you except that you try?
Try just one. Let it be small. Let it be enough.
When you’re ready, here are 3 ways we can help you:
1. Join us on Substack – Become a paying member and we’ll gift you our Spring Everyday Retreat right now so you can focus on how you like to connect even when life does its thing.
2. Book a wellbeing coaching session – If you want company while figuring out your next steps, let’s chat. Book a free consultation to see how we can help you connect in ways that feel good to you.
3. Sign up for our newsletter – Receive real-life tools, everyday insights and tiny reminders that you’re not alone in this. We’re all yearning to connect while also finding it easier to binge-watch Netflix.
The Weight You’re Carrying Isn’t Just Yours
Navigating the emotional labour, burnout and midlife overwhelm — and understanding why the load you’re carrying might not be all yours to hold.
There’s a kind of tiredness that doesn’t go away with rest.
You can sleep, hydrate, do your yoga, take your magnesium, go for a walk.
And still, it lingers — that low, heavy weight that sits behind your eyes or beneath your ribs. The kind that doesn’t show up in test results, but feels like it’s etched into your bones.
It’s not just physical. It’s not just emotional.
It’s a kind of invisible load — one that builds quietly over time.
And so many of us are carrying it.
Especially in midlife, especially as women, especially in lives that look “fine” on the outside.
We carry the decisions. The dynamics. The moods. The mental load. The silent remembering. The keeping-track-of-everything-and-everyone.
We carry the birthdays and the groceries and the dentist appointments.
We carry the emotional climate of our homes.
We carry what’s going on with the kids, what might be going on with our partners, what we’re starting to see happening with our parents.
We carry our friends, when they’re falling apart. We carry their fears, gently, quietly, alongside our own.
We hold it all. And then we wonder why we’re tired.
For a long time, I didn’t realise I was carrying anything extra.
I thought I was just tired because I wasn’t getting enough done.
I thought I needed to be more organised, more balanced, more productive.
I thought maybe I was weak. Even lazy. Possibly undisciplined.
But I wasn’t. I was just human. I was just heavy with things no one could see.
It wasn’t until I stopped — properly stopped — that I realised just how much I’d been holding. How much space it had taken up inside me. How much I’d quietly internalised as mine to carry.
The emotional labour. The mental noise. The weight of trying to be all the things to all the people, all of the time.
And the truth is: it wasn’t all mine.
It never was.
Some of it belonged to expectations I didn’t set.
Some to roles I inherited, but did not choose.
Some to a culture that praises women for being tireless, generous, and self-sacrificing — but never asks what it costs them to keep showing up that way.
And some of it, most painfully, was weight I carried simply because no one else thought to hold it for me.
If any of this feels familiar, I want you to know this:
You’re not imagining it.
The weight is real.
And you don’t have to keep carrying it all.
You are allowed to lay something down.
You are allowed to ask for help.
You are allowed to stop trying to be the steady one, the good one, the one who always has it together.
You don’t need to earn rest.
You don’t need to justify your tiredness.
You don’t need to explain why it feels so hard — even when your life looks okay.
Sometimes the most radical act of care is simply to say: This is too much for me.
And let that be reason enough.
There’s no perfect solution. No five-step fix.
But there is a beginning.
And it starts with naming what you’ve been holding — gently, kindly, without judgment.
Because once you can name it, you don’t have to carry it alone anymore.
Our Midlife Coaching Sessions
If this resonates, learn more about our coaching sessions for midlife and beyond. Explore everything from emotional labour to midlife burnout, and discover small ways to feel more connected again.
If you’re in midlife, these sessions will help you have a better relationship with this time. You’ll identify your needs and desires, bridge any gaps between where you are and where you want to be, and cultivate strategies for making it all that much better.
You’ll discover how to navigate midlife and beyond in ways that feel more intentional and even positive.
Need more guidance as you navigate midlife? Subscribe to our newsletter about the messy bits in the middle.
Hi There, About Those Emotions You’ve Been Putting Off...
Feeling emotionally overwhelmed but too busy to process it? Learn why emotional postponement may not be working for you—and how to start paying attention to what you’re feeling again.
…You meant to get to them, didn’t you? The tightness in your shoulders, the lump in your throat, the exhaustion you can’t quite name. But there were emails to send, dinner to cook, a child to reassure, a parent to check in on. There was a day to get through.
So, you did what you always do. You told yourself: later.
Later, when things slow down. Later, when work isn’t so demanding. Later, when the kids don’t need you as much. Later, when there’s finally space for you to feel whatever it is that’s been hovering in the background.
But here’s the thing about later: It keeps moving.
The Habit of Emotional Postponement
Somewhere along the way, we started treating emotions like a luxury—something we’ll get around to when everything else is handled. We file them away under “To Be Dealt With", telling ourselves that now isn’t the right time. We think we’re being practical, responsible, even strong.
And yet, emotional postponement might not be doing all the things we hope it is.
The feelings don’t disappear. They show up in different ways:
In the way your body holds tension that no amount of stretching seems to release.
In the numbness when someone asks how you really are, and you don’t even know where to start.
In the way small inconveniences—traffic, a forgotten password, a misplaced set of keys—feel like the last straw.
Even though we’re too busy to acknowledge all we’re feeling, often our emotions are there anyway, just under the surface coming out in other ways — we’re just not noticing.
And sometimes, when we’re too busy to feel what’s really happening is that we’re afraid to. Because what if we start feeling and don’t know how to stop? What if we unravel? What if it’s just… too much? What if we don’t have the time to deal with all that comes up?
Midlife, Overwhelm & The Fear of Feeling
This emotional deferral becomes particularly acute in midlife. By now, we’ve learned the mechanics of coping: We smooth the edges, take the sting out, keep ourselves functioning. But at what cost?
The cost of feeling emotionally disconnected—not just from others, but from yourself.
The cost of waking up one morning and realizing you don’t quite recognize the person you’ve become.
The cost of knowing something needs to change, but not knowing how to start.
Women in midlife often find themselves in a paradox: feeling overwhelmed, yet somehow also feeling numb. The weight of responsibility, constant decision-making, and emotional caretaking leaves little space for their own emotions. The more they push them aside, the more distant they feel from their true selves.
And emotions? They don’t disappear. They wait. They show up as tension, exhaustion, irritability, or a vague sense that something is missing.
As Dr. Sharon Blackie writes, midlife is “a profoundly alchemical process, designed to transform us from the inside out.” But we can’t transform if we don’t allow ourselves to feel.
So, Where Do We Begin?
Maybe the answer isn’t about finding more time for emotions, but recognizing they’re already here. Woven into our everyday moments. They’re in the tightness of our breath, the way we move through our days, the things that irritate us, the things that bring unexpected tears to our eyes.
Maybe the question isn’t whether we can afford to feel.
Maybe it’s whether we can afford not to.
If you’ve been feeling emotionally overwhelmed, disconnected, or stuck, emotions coaching can help you navigate this phase with clarity and confidence.
Find out more about this month’s Midlife + Emotions Sessions here.
How to Manage Holiday Burnout and Embrace Seasonal Self-Care
Feeling stressed or overwhelmed this holiday season? Discover practical self-care habits, ways to connect positively, and tips to manage emotions and end-of-year burnout.
Last December, I found myself sitting in my car outside a crowded shopping centre, utterly drained. I had just spent hours rushing from one errand to the next, trying to make everything perfect for the holidays.
Instead of feeling festive, I felt a deep sense of resentment—toward the season, the expectations, and even myself for not being able to keep up.
It wasn’t until I stopped and asked, “What do I actually need right now?” that I realised I wasn’t failing; I was simply running on empty. That moment shifted how I approached the rest of the holidays.
The holidays bring a mix of joy and chaos— it’s a season to celebrate, yet one that can also push us to our limits. Between endless to-do lists, more complicated family dynamics, and the pressure to make everything perfect, it’s easy to feel stretched thin. Add in the emotional weight of year-end reflections, and burnout can quickly take hold.
But what if we could shift the focus this season, embracing a gentler, maybe even messier, approach that prioritizes your well-being? Here are some ideas for avoiding, or navigating, holiday burnout.
First, How to Identify Holiday Burnout
Holiday burnout can creep up on us, often disguised as everyday stress. It might feel like constant exhaustion, even after a full night’s sleep, or irritability over small things that wouldn’t normally bother you.
Physically, it can show up as tension headaches, a racing mind, or a sense of being on edge. Emotionally, you may notice feelings of detachment, overwhelm, or resentment toward tasks and traditions you once enjoyed.
Pay attention to the signals: are you losing your patience more easily, withdrawing from loved ones, or struggling to keep up with your usual energy levels? Recognizing these signs early is the first step in addressing burnout and finding ways to restore your capacity during the season.
Just know that burnout during the holidays doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong; it means you’re human. And if holiday burnout does show up use it as a reminder to pause and reconnect with what truly matters.
Second, What to Do If You’re Feeling Burned Out This Holiday Season
Here’s how to manage holiday burnout while embracing seasonal self-care and meaningful connection:
1. Pause and Identify Your Emotions
When emotions feel overwhelming, we often want to avoid them at all costs, but paying attention to them could be the key to feeling better. Take a moment just to name your emotions. Saying (to yourself perhaps) “I feel anxious” or “I feel overwhelmed” helps reduce the intensity of an emotion and gives you clarity on what you need.
2.Incorporate Seasonal Self-Care
Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate. Embrace small habits like enjoying a quiet cup of tea, stepping outside for fresh air, or saying no to an unnecessary task.
We often think this is the part that’s “indulgent” or that can be pushed back to later, but it’s often these small practices that can create the breathing room we most need amidst the chaos.
3. Build Positive Connections
Instead of focusing on what’s expected, look for authentic ways to connect. Share a meal, have a heartfelt conversation, or take a moment to thank someone you appreciate. Small, genuine interactions can uplift your mood and theirs.
This might mean that you don’t make three stuffings, or that you don’t pack in multiple events in one day, or that you buy one less perfect gift. Sometimes paring back or even shifting our expectations, can give us what we most need: time with the people we love and value the most.
Shifting the focus from perfection to presence can help transform the season into something meaningful, even amidst the busyness.
4. Set Boundaries for Your Emotional Capacity
When you feel your mental and emotional reserves depleting, give yourself permission to step back. Decline obligations that don’t serve you and focus on what truly restores your energy.
You don’t need to be “on” the whole Holiday Season: you can still honor your energy and it’s still ok to rest. It’s winter after all, a season that demands something quieter of us and invites us to retreat into cozy.
5. Reframe Your Perspective
Challenge the holiday “shoulds” and ask yourself, “What do I truly need right now?” Maybe it’s a moment of solitude, a conversation with a loved one, or just letting go of perfection.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that holidays are only successful if they’re flawless. But the truth is, the most meaningful moments often come when we let go of the pressure to do everything and focus instead on what we truly value.
When you start to feel burned out, try to connect back in with yourself and discover what you really need from this season so it can stay joyful and magical to you.
This Holiday Season give yourself permission to rewrite the rules. Focus on what feels good to you, whether it’s embracing rest, creating space for joy, or finding new ways to connect with others. Start small, and remember: it’s okay to prioritise yourself in the midst of everything else.
What emotions are showing up for you this holiday season? How are you balancing connection and self-care?
Feeling stressed, overwhelmed or a little burned out this Holiday Season?
Here’s how we can help:
1. Book a personalized Emotions Coaching session.
2. Join our Bath Workshop on Navigating Holiday Emotions.
3. Subscribe to our newsletter for our Well-ish Guide to the Holiday Season
“I’m fine” can hide what we’re really feeling. Learn gentle, practical ways to understand your emotions, reconnect with your body, and express what’s true without overwhelm.