SoberIRL | In Conversation wtih Karla Carolina

We spoke with SoberIRL founder Karla Carolina about her journey to sobriety and her realization about the role connection can play in helping people to maintain their alcohol-free lifestyle (and overall mental well-being).

How long have you been sober? Can you tell us a bit about yourself and your journey?

I celebrated 2 years on 12/31/20. I started drinking at 19 when I was studying abroad in college and knew I was a problematic drinker from the get-go. Binge drinking was normal in my circle of friends so even though I was blacking out and acting in ways I didn't like, they were too so it was normal. I also was getting great grades, got into a master’s program, and started my career so it was easy to rationalize away my fears that I had a problem. After 13 years and seeing how much my life was changing for the worse because of drinking, I finally accepted sobriety was the right choice for me.

What is the most important component to maintaining your sobriety and overall well-being?

Community is everything to me, which feels so odd because I felt very strongly against socializing with other sober people in the beginning. I was 8 months in when I started feeling lonely and mourned the loss of my party buddies. I decided to go to a sober retreat and holy guacamole — I felt myself come alive! I made deep connections with people I still talk to regularly. Having a network of people who get me, who understand what I've gone through, and don't judge me for it, is incredibly healing. I have people I can count on when I need some encouragement, need to vent, or want to celebrate. Essentially my real, true, authentic friendships keep me going.

What was the catalyst behind starting soberIRL? Did you ever struggle to be social without alcohol? If so, how have you worked to move past that?

When I went to a sober retreat at 8 months, I became friends with so many amazing people but they lived all over the country. I also made great connections with people I met through Instagram but they didn't live near me either. I struggled to find where I could meet other women locally who were also sober/sober-curious in a casual setting. Since I couldn't find it I decided to create what I wanted. I was equally part scared shitless and excited about the possibilities!

Alcohol had always been part of the equation when I socialized and the idea of meeting new people without it terrified me. What I learned at the sober retreat is: the awkwardness lasts for a short time and as long as you push past it, everything will be ok. Each time I put myself in a situation to socialize without alcohol it has gotten easier, like any other skill.

How has COVID affected your mission?

After doing 2 meetups pre-pandemic, I was heartbroken when we couldn't meet up anymore especially when IRL is part of the name! The coolest thing happened though — I started getting DMs and messages from people asking if we could just do virtual meetings in the meantime. By keeping the virtual meetups for local people, we were still able to foster our connections so when we could do social-distanced hangouts outside. We were so excited to be in each other's company!

COVID has also made me think through what virtual offerings I'd like to make permanent for soberIRL, especially for people with accessibility concerns or those who don't live nearby. A virtual community is still important and can bring lots of value to someone's life. I think after being cooped up for a year, people will want to socialize more than ever but also want to be very intentional about who and what they spend their time on.

What is your dream for soberIRL? How has it been going starting new chapters?

I want to get lofty with this, I'd love for soberIRL to be as ubiquitous as AA! For a long time, it's been the main resource people know, even if they don't have issues with alcohol. I am doing my part to co-create a world where people understand there are multiple pathways to recovery and they have the opportunity to choose what feels right for them. And for those who want to explore what it’s like to socialize and participate in life without alcohol, soberIRL will be there.

After a year of hosting meetups in San Francisco and sharing it with people through Instagram, I decided to partner with women to bring soberIRL to their local community. Right now my biggest challenge is spreading awareness that soberIRL is no longer just a Bay Area thing. I almost feel like I'm getting people set up to start their own franchise! It's been great as a forcing function to be very clear about the mission, vision, and vibe of the community.

What are some of your favorite sobriety resources? Products?

The resources I am forever grateful to:

Podcasts: Recovery Happy Hour and Recovery Elevator

Books: This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whittaker

NA Drinks: CLEAN Cause, Curious Elixirs, Siren Shrubs

Places: Ocean Beach Cafe

What would you say to someone who might be sober-curious but afraid to take the leap?

You know where alcohol leads you, why not see where cutting it out for a bit takes you? Part of what kept me stuck was feeling I had to quit forever and to make that decision on Day 1. Because I couldn't commit to forever I kept drinking. You don't have to worry about forever right now.

The other thing I would say is...get first-hand experience of what sober life is like. Just imagining it (like I did for years!) is not sufficient. Immerse yourself in it. Read some quit lit, listen to podcasts, check out some blogs, and/or scroll through sober IG for inspiration — it will help you see people who are empowered by their sobriety, not ashamed of it.

What are some of your favorite quotes?

“I understood myself only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was.” ― Sade Andria Zabala.

"I would rather go through life sober, believing I am an alcoholic, than go through life drunk, trying to convince myself that I am not" -unknown

You can learn more about SoberIRL, find a local chapter or sign-up for a virtual meet-up by reaching out on instagram or their website!

Vent Over Tea

When someone tells you their problems, do you try to fix it? We tend to offer alternatives and suggestions when people share their feelings. But sometimes people don't need advice, they just need someone to listen. Just being heard by an empathetic person can help us feel validated and understood.

In Montreal, Canada, Vent Over Tea offers a free, in-person, confidential active listening service to the community. This volunteer driven service aims to promote mental wellness and connection within the comfort of a local café.

I had the opportunity to speak with the amazing folks over at Vent Over Tea to get a more in-depth understanding of this initiative. 

Can you walk us through what to expect when you book a session with Vent Over Tea? 

When you book a vent session through our online platform, you pick a day, time, and cafe to meet at that’s convenient for you. On the day of the vent session, you meet at the cafe, you each buy your own beverages, and then you get to talking! 

When booking the session, you’ll be prompted to list any particular topics you’d like to talk about in the session, but during it you can talk about whatever you’d like. You can make chitchat and ease into whatever topic has been weighing on your mind or dive right into it. Maybe something else has come up since you booked the session that you’d rather discuss. Our active listeners are there to create a space for you to talk about what’s on your mind, so the listener doesn’t have any expectations about what, when, or how things “should” be discussed.

What value can an active listener bring?  

Vent Over Tea’s active listeners bring value by helping to create a space for people to vent, explore feelings, and possibly even discover their own solutions. The idea of Vent Over Tea came about when one of our co-founders, Sarah Fennessy, had worked through her PTSD and no longer needed to see her therapist but realized she still liked having someone to talk to. Around the same time, Sarah learned about a study that found that people with low levels of depression and anxiety saw on average as much improvement in their mental health by speaking with an empathetic listener as they did speaking with a professional therapist. Our service aims to offer our venters empathy and understanding to help with their mental wellbeing. 

What main goal does VOT hope to accomplish? 

Vent Over Tea's main goal is to promote mental wellbeing. It’s a lofty goal for sure! There are three main ways we try to improve the mental wellness of those we interact with:

• There are lots of instances where a person could benefit from talking about their issues, but they don’t need to see a professional psychologist. We understand how helpful it can be to talk through what’s bothering you with an engaged, impartial listener. We want to give people in these situations an outlet to vent to another human being face-to-face. 

• We want to help destigmatize help-seeking for mental health. Whether you just want to vent to one of our active listeners or you have a mental illness and want to see a psychiatrist, through our service, events, blog, and social media, we try to spread the message that it’s okay to talk about how you’re feeling; it’s okay to ask for help. 

• Finally, we want to help create a connection within our community. Montreal is a well-populated city, but it’s common to feel lonely and isolated here—even when you’re pressed up against strangers on the metro. Through our events in particular—but also through our service and digital presence—we try to create space for people to connect with others in a way that makes them feel more rooted in our community. We truly believe that facilitating this sense of belonging will have a positive impact on the mental health of the members of our community. 

If you think you’d benefit from Vent Over Tea’s services and to find out more visit: Website, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

Teatulia | A Literary Tea Bar with A Living Bookshelf

“Teatulia is an organic tea bar in the heart of London’s Covent Garden with a literary twist.”

A blend of fresh mint and lemongrass entices you into a stylish jewel-colored space with a cozy living room vibe. The manager Valentine greets you warmly. At a small curved terrazzo-topped bar hot and cold organic teas are served as well as beautifully executed tea cocktails (and best of all mocktails). A small complimentary food menu of pastries and colorful tea-infused cakes accompanies the selections. A buzzy mix of families and couples fill the mid-century-influenced vignettes. It’s all designed to encourage intimate conversation. This is Teatulia.

Given that my favorite things in life are tea, books and cocktails, you can understand my excitement when I discovered this gem, located in Covent Garden, London. Conceived as a ‘tea shop like no other; a space for conversation and contemplation’, Teatulia delivers. It’s a tea house, cocktail bar and literary salon all rolled into one. And it’s all in the details: Every hot tea is served with an infuser and a timer so you can be involved in brewing the tea yourself, what a novel idea in being present and slowing down.

The piece de resistance of Teatulia’s offering is its ‘Living Bookshelf’, a rotating selection of book titles curated by authors, actors and celebrities. The brainchild of actor Tilda Swinton—who curated their first bookshelf—it was inspired by her own experience: “Reading and tea leaves go together like breathing in and breathing out. Go slow. Take time to brew yourself some harmony. Separate the signal from the noise.” You can hear more from Swinton on reading, tea and her early career on Teatulia’s new podcast, which also features Lionel Shriver and collaborations with Granta Magazine.

Beyond its literary ambitions (writer Elizabeth Day also records her podcast here), Teatulia has an important social justice focus: it’s tea is organically produced by 3,500 women who run a garden in Northern Bangladesh. The tea garden provides jobs, education and healthcare for their workers and their families. 

We know its usually all about coffee, but you know sometimes its needs to be about tea. Definitely treat yourself to this cozy respite, and be sure to check out their literary events and tea pairings while you’re at it.

To find out more: Website www.teatuliabar.com / Instagram @teatuliauk / Facebook @Teatuliauk