Are You Giving All Your Attention to Negative Emotions?

When Amanda Sheeren (co-founder of If Lost, Start Here) joined me on A Thought I Kept, she brought a thought that had stayed with her for years:

“Even in the darkness, there is light.”

It sounds simple but it came from a place of burnout, emotional overwhelm, and the quiet collapse that can happen when we believe we’re doing everything “right.”

In the episode, Amanda shares a moment from early motherhood: two small kids, no sleep, therapy for the first time. She described showing up to those sessions thinking she’d be praised for being emotionally attuned. “I was validating every feeling. I was letting my kids be sad, be mad, feel all the things.”

But then her therapist asked her something that stopped her in her tracks:

“Is it possible that you're giving all your attention to negative emotions?”

That was the pivot point.

When Feeling Deeply Becomes Feeling Stuck

If you’ve ever been told to feel your feelings — and taken that advice seriously — you may know this space. You learn that sadness, anger, and frustration are valid. You work hard not to bypass or brush past what’s hard.

But here’s the catch: when we spend all our energy in the shadow emotions, we can forget to make space for joy, hope, and light. And those emotions need practice too.

In emotion coaching, we talk a lot about awareness, validation, and regulation. But there's a step people often miss:

Attention. Where are you placing it? What emotions are getting airtime?

Validating sadness is powerful. But so is dancing in the kitchen. So is naming a moment of peace, or laughing at the squirrel outside your window — something Amanda shares in the episode that shifted how she related to joy.

Emotions are not just there to be survived. They're part of what makes life meaningful — all of them.

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What Are You Practicing

In the episode, Amanda reflects on how her own attention began to shift. Not through gratitude lists or forced positivity, but through tiny joys. A squirrel doing something weird. A rainbow on a grey day. The “glimmers,” as some researchers call them.

And with time, those small practices started to grow into something more sustainable — a full-spectrum emotional life, not just a deep one.

Interested in Emotion Coaching?

We offer 1:1 emotion coaching sessions for people wanting to better understand their emotions — parents, creatives, leaders, those who feel a lot and want to feel more resourced doing it.

Explore our coaching offers here

Hi There, About Those Emotions You’ve Been Putting Off...

…You meant to get to them, didn’t you? The tightness in your shoulders, the lump in your throat, the exhaustion you can’t quite name. But there were emails to send, dinner to cook, a child to reassure, a parent to check in on. There was a day to get through.

So, you did what you always do. You told yourself: later.

Later, when things slow down. Later, when work isn’t so demanding. Later, when the kids don’t need you as much. Later, when there’s finally space for you to feel whatever it is that’s been hovering in the background.

But here’s the thing about later: It keeps moving.

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The Habit of Emotional Postponement

Somewhere along the way, we started treating emotions like a luxury—something we’ll get around to when everything else is handled. We file them away under “To Be Dealt With", telling ourselves that now isn’t the right time. We think we’re being practical, responsible, even strong.

And yet, emotional postponement might not be doing all the things we hope it is.

The feelings don’t disappear. They show up in different ways:

• In the way your body holds tension that no amount of stretching seems to release.

• In the numbness when someone asks how you really are, and you don’t even know where to start.

• In the way small inconveniences—traffic, a forgotten password, a misplaced set of keys—feel like the last straw.

Even though we’re too busy to acknowledge all we’re feeling, often our emotions are there anyway, just under the surface coming out in other ways — we’re just not noticing.

And sometimes, when we’re too busy to feel what’s really happening is that we’re afraid to. Because what if we start feeling and don’t know how to stop? What if we unravel? What if it’s just… too much? What if we don’t have the time to deal with all that comes up?

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Midlife, Overwhelm & The Fear of Feeling

This emotional deferral becomes particularly acute in midlife. By now, we’ve learned the mechanics of coping: We smooth the edges, take the sting out, keep ourselves functioning. But at what cost?

• The cost of feeling emotionally disconnected—not just from others, but from yourself.

• The cost of waking up one morning and realizing you don’t quite recognize the person you’ve become.

• The cost of knowing something needs to change, but not knowing how to start.

Women in midlife often find themselves in a paradox: feeling overwhelmed, yet somehow also feeling numb. The weight of responsibility, constant decision-making, and emotional caretaking leaves little space for their own emotions. The more they push them aside, the more distant they feel from their true selves.

And emotions? They don’t disappear. They wait. They show up as tension, exhaustion, irritability, or a vague sense that something is missing.

As Dr. Sharon Blackie writes, midlife is “a profoundly alchemical process, designed to transform us from the inside out.” But we can’t transform if we don’t allow ourselves to feel.

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So, Where Do We Begin?

Maybe the answer isn’t about finding more time for emotions, but recognizing they’re already here. Woven into our everyday moments. They’re in the tightness of our breath, the way we move through our days, the things that irritate us, the things that bring unexpected tears to our eyes.

Maybe the question isn’t whether we can afford to feel.

Maybe it’s whether we can afford not to.

If you’ve been feeling emotionally overwhelmed, disconnected, or stuck, emotions coaching can help you navigate this phase with clarity and confidence.

Find out more about this month’s Midlife + Emotions Sessions here.

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The Silent Weight of Midlife: Emotional Labour and How to Lighten the Load

Ever feel like you’re carrying the world on your shoulders?

From managing family schedules to smoothing over conflicts and anticipating everyone’s needs, the mental and emotional weight of midlife can be overwhelming. It’s invisible to others but all too real for you.

If you’ve been feeling exhausted, unappreciated, or disconnected from yourself, you’re not alone. This unseen burden—known as emotional labor—is a common experience for women in midlife. Let’s explore what it is, why it feels so heavy, and how you can begin to lighten the load.

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What Is Emotional Labour?

Emotional labor refers to the invisible work of managing not only tasks but also feelings—both your own and those of others.

It’s keeping the emotional peace at home, remembering birthdays, and knowing when someone’s mood is off before they say a word. It’s the countless micro-decisions, from ensuring everyone’s needs are met to anticipating problems before they arise.

In midlife, emotional labor often intensifies as women juggle:

• Caregiving for aging parents while supporting children through critical life stages.

• Professional responsibilities in careers that demand focus and leadership.

• Household management, often without shared accountability.

Society has conditioned women to take on this role, leading to burnout and a persistent feeling of being stretched too thin.

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Why Does Emotional Labour Feel Heavier in Midlife?

Midlife is a time of transition. While it can be a period of growth and self-discovery, it’s also marked by unique challenges:

1. The Sandwich Generation: Balancing care for both children and aging parents creates a constant push-and-pull on time and energy.

2. Shifting Identities: As children grow more independent and career paths evolve, many women find themselves questioning, “Who am I beyond my roles?”

3. Invisible Work: Emotional labor remains unacknowledged, even by those closest to you, leaving you feeling unseen and unsupported.

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How to Lighten the Load

If you’re feeling the weight of emotional labor, know that you can take steps to ease the burden and create space for yourself. Here’s how to start:

1. Recognise It

The first step to change is awareness. Take stock of all the invisible work you do, from planning meals to remembering your child’s upcoming project deadline. Write it down, and consider sharing it with your partner or family.

2. Set Boundaries

You can’t do it all—and you shouldn’t have to. Learn to say no to requests that drain you and yes to moments that restore you. It’s okay to prioritize your needs.

3. Delegate Without Guilt

Share responsibilities with those around you. Whether it’s assigning chores at home or asking for help with caregiving tasks, letting go doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.

4. Seek Support

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Whether it’s confiding in a trusted friend or working with a midlife coach, finding someone to share your thoughts and help you regain clarity can be transformative.

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Rediscovering Yourself in Midlife

Imagine a life where you feel lighter and more present—not because all the challenges have disappeared, but because you’ve created space for yourself.

Midlife coaching can be the support you need to shift the invisible weight of emotional labor and rediscover what truly matters to you. Midlife coaching offers a safe, supportive space to:

• Clarify your values and goals.

• Reclaim time and energy for yourself.

• Build practical strategies to lighten your mental and emotional load.

Ready to take the first step?

Click here to learn more about midlife coaching and book a free discovery call to explore how we can help you create space for what truly matters.

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If you’re local to Bath, check our Events Page for in-person midlife emotions coaching at either the Somerset Rooms or SoulSpa.

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Midlife is a time of change—let’s make it a time of possibility. Sign up for our mailing list to receive insights, tools, and guidance to help you navigate midlife with more clarity, confidence, and ease. Because this chapter is yours to shape. Join us here