“I just don’t know where to start.”
I know there’s something off and there are a hundred WhatsApp messages to respond to.
I think I might meditate and I’m scrambling to find red socks for the kids for some school awareness day.
I might blend a green smoothie and I’m wondering how long I can sustain myself on fridge picnics.
So what to do?
We know all the things and don’t do all those things because there are so many other things to do that have nothing to do with self-care and feeling better.
So this is what I do instead. I flop into bed early with a hot water bottle, a glass of wine, some dark chocolate (wellness points ticked) and the latest series of Rivals. Insert your version, because there probably is one (no judgement, I love these nights).
And then it repeats. I think of it as idea overwhelm. It reminds me of that research experiment, standing in front of a shelf full of jam jars, spending ages trying to pick one and walking away without any. Faced with a million ways to feel better, we can freeze where we are, unsure what might help or where we’d even start.
That’s why I’ve started reframing my whole relationship with wellbeing over the past few years. My year of living wellishly has become my years of living wellishly. I’ve realised there’s no single end point and no single way to well, and that’s kind of the point.
I used to berate myself when I couldn’t get my morning routine exactly right, even when I hadn’t slept for more than a few hours in a row because of young kids who hadn’t read the same self-help book. When I felt anxious, I’d take it as a sign I was bad at life. These days I try to give myself a bit of compassion when the world feels like a lot. And if the thing I come back to is swimming laps in my local pool once a week, even though it feels considerably less sexy than a sound bath floating on a lake, that’s good too.
I’ve moved from all the things I must do to asking, I wonder what might happen if…? That’s why Amanda Sheeren and I wrote If Lost, Start Here: Wellbeing for the Anxious, Disconnected or Uncertain. We wanted to make room for that kind of curiosity and see if exploring what helps us feel better could be enjoyable again.
Try it on and see how it feels
One of my principles, and one that runs through the book, is that when we get curious, the world opens up again. We built the journal around ten pathways to wellbeing, including seeking awe and wonder, nurturing connection, untethering from tech and finding purpose. Each one is an invitation to try something on and see how it feels in your own life.
We all bring something of ourselves to those familiar messages to ‘be more creative’ or ‘get into nature’. You might hear ‘get outside’ and think, Nature’s the worst. I can’t possibly imagine going for a walk. Or you might feel like you couldn’t exist without traipsing through a muddy field each morning, your breath making smoke trails as you go.
You might be drawn to untethering because you know your relationship with tech needs some work and you also love that little thrill of scrolling. Or, like me, it might be creativity that holds the most excitement because words are the world, but they’re also not quite in your world the way you want them to be right now.
So much of the day is spent trying to make the most of things. We care and parent, create businesses and shuffle to-do lists. What if enjoying something was enough of a reason to do it? Writing the book, I realised how often I felt I had to justify what helped me feel better. I’m getting more comfortable finding it on my own terms.
So what if you could try something, notice how it felt and decide what to keep?
Did I enjoy it? Did anything shift? Would I do it again?
If the answer to that last one is no, you’ve learned something about what suits you. And you can try something else without knowing exactly how it’ll turn out or when it’ll come to a neat end.
An experiment in wellbeing, together
What I love about our book is that it gives each of us room to find our own way to well. I’ve also wanted to bring people together around it, because sometimes the thing that helps us get started is a bit of company. Connection is, after all, one of our ten pathways to wellbeing.
So in January 2027, we’re starting the Lost Together Book Club, a year of wellbeing experiments based on our journal. Each month we’ll meet to explore an idea from the book, go off and try a little adventure in everyday life, then come back together and talk about how we got on.
If you’re curious about what might help you feel a bit better and would like some company while you find out, come and join me.
Find out more about the Lost Together Book Club
If you’d like to start with the journal, you can buy a copy of If Lost, Start Here.
x Claire